GF wants to be a lawyer

[baboy71]

ok dear experts m gf and i have constantly argued about her career. She wants to be a lawyer. i woulnt have a problem with that if the fact that lawyers can never havee a stable family and relationship which is what i want. she argues that if our love is really that strong we will last forever. my argument is that shell just be to busy to even have time to talk to me. what should i do i know i should want wat she wants but alll i want is to be with her in a stable relationship. please tell me either whos right or whose wrong. i really could use some help....

[avman]

You are making a big generalization about lawyers. Not all lawyers are workaholics in big firms. There are many opportunities in smaller firms, or corporate law, or private practice where people don't necessarily have to work 100 hours per week.

 

This isn't a case of who is right and who is wrong. Both of you need to strike a balance between career and family. If you can come to an agreement, then great. If not, then you'll have to see if the relationship can be salvaged. What works for one couple may not work for a different one. The two of you need to figure out whether both your needs are being met.

[cichlid]

Who says she will change because she will become a lawyer? And who says that families with lawyers cannot have stable families? My BF wants to be a lawyer...and his dad is a lawyer and his family is incredably stable. I know somewhat because of how he talks about his family and because I stayed the weekend at his parents house before school. His family is a nice stable family that are so friendly! So not all families with lawyers are unstable. And my BF plans to work at a small firm I think. I think that is what his dad does as well.

 

I think you should not be so worried about this. It will drive the relationship apart. Instead be supportive and do not discourage her with what she wants to be.

[Dako]

Is she choosing your career for you?

[baboy71]

well no but if she did id do what she thinks is best

[hosswhispra]

My big sis is a lawyer and she's had a flexible lifestyle---she was married (her husband passed away) and she's got two children. It can work!

[jl301]

I don't know where you get that idea. Yes, lawyers do put alot hours in the office, however it doesn't mean that she won't be able to balance her work and private life. There are lot of jobs out there that require people many hours during the week. However, it really depends on the indiviudal itself. Have faith in her and yourself!

[Relationship Coach]

Baboy,

Do you want to be her career counselor or her BF? If you want to be her career counselor, educate yourself on the various types of lawyers and you will find that the TV lawyers depicted put in 3 times more hours than the real ones. All of the attorneys I know who are all at different stages in their experience and tenure, work less hours than I do. Law school I would say demands more of her time than actually practicing law.

 

If you want to be her BF, support her and don't selfishly add to her stress load with your insecurities of not being around her. Are you intimidated by her choice? If she did listen to you and lived to regret it years down the road, it would be a very unhealthy relationship full of resentment towards you. Is that what you want? Let her reach for the stars and excel, you should consider yourself lucky to have a GF with such drive and determination.

 

RC

[sonjam]

Well said Relationship coach, BBoy, support her in whatever SHE chooses to do, it' s not up to you to decide her road and destiny. Maybe you will only be in it for a little while, and maybe forever, but you cannot force it.

 

The best thing to do is to LET HER DECIDE what is best for her.

[Confessoress]

ok dear experts m gf and i have constantly argued about her career. She wants to be a lawyer. i woulnt have a problem with that if the fact that lawyers can never havee a stable family and relationship which is what i want. she argues that if our love is really that strong we will last forever. my argument is that shell just be to busy to even have time to talk to me. what should i do i know i should want wat she wants but alll i want is to be with her in a stable relationship. please tell me either whos right or whose wrong. i really could use some help....

 

Hmm, baboy? Pinoy ka ba?

 

Well I personally believe you should support what she wants to do, because if you don't I think it would her pull away from you. If your relationship is a good one it make it through this or whatever career either of you have.

[Dako]

My ex had many careers, and I supported her pursuit of all of them, especially the last one that pretty much ended our marriage. I don't for a minute regret it. She's happy, just without me.

[RayKay]

You are making a huge generalization and assumption about lawyers.

 

Yes, there are some lawyers whom get the big-figure salaries, and the hours to match it, but the majority are hired as in house lawyers (corporate law), or work in private practice, and have fairly average salaries and hours.

 

The only ones I know whom actually work as many hours as depicted on TV are perhaps some of the big litigation lawyers, or those whom work for major major firms (of which very few people do).

 

For the record, I am going back to school this fall to go into Law for the very reason I do want something MORE flexible, that I can work from home and have more flexible hours when it is time for me to have a family. But also to have a challenge.

 

I also know a few lawyers, whom actually work less then 40 hours a week, yet still make more then I do, and have more flexibility in their positions. I know more people whom have less education and work in other careers that put in far more hours.

 

Neither of you is right or wrong, it's all about balance. This is HER life, and her choice, you cannot tell her what she can and can't do. She will only resent you if you hold her back from her dreams, and I promise that will come back to haunt you. How much she works, or what path in law she takes, is an individual choice. However again, very limited people actually work the insane hours that people seem to assume.

[novaseeker]

It's challenging, but it really does depend on the context in which the person practices law, and the personal approach they take. Yes the big firm lawyers work very hard and get paid very well, and many of them have really, really messed up personal lives (I started legal practice at a big firm before I was married). There are also small firm lawyers who work like that too, however ... it's a question of how one approaches their work, how obsessive one is and so forth. But it's possible to find a workable situation which will allow you life balance, while still paying well, if you wish to find that balance.

 

So for the OP I wouldn't make a big deal about career choice based on the idea that she wants to be a lawyer. If her dream is to go work for a big lawfirm and make megamoney ... well, then I'd be concerned.

[Dako]

Lawyers just look busy because they rack up 167 billable hours each week, all while golfing up a storm.

Okay, I'm bad....Don't hurt me.

[novaseeker]

Lawyers just look busy because they rack up 167 billable hours each week, all while golfing up a storm.

Okay, I'm bad....Don't hurt me.

Oh those days are long gone lol. I honestly have worked with remarkably few lawyers over the years who played significant amounts of golf. It's a generational thing, perhaps, and also a regional thing. The ones I have known who did play golf did so as a way of socializing with clients and generating business, so it was still "work" ... sort of.

 

And yes, one of my main clients gave me a lawyer joke calendar for Christmas, so I'm learning some new ones every day now ....

[Dako]

Thanks for being gentle. I just thought this thread needed one lawyer joke.

 

I remember hearing that a legal magazine published an April Fool's article about an automatic program that tallied the calls to client numbers and generated a bill each month. It was a joke, but the magazine was inundated with requests.