Can anyone help me make sense of this? Please!

[ginger25]

Hi,

 

Basically I had a holiday romance, met up back at home and fell in love with this guy. He said he was falling for me too, but obviously neither of us mentioned the big L word cos it was early days. Anyway,about a month later he decided we should get on with our own lives as it was too hard being apart and was worried about what would happen when we became more attached to eachother; we live 3 hours apart and he is studying medicine so it would be difficult to arrange time to see eachother, although I was prepared to do this.

 

6 months on I am still finding this really hard to deal with, I can't seem to fully accept his reasons for ending things. However, he has had 3 two year relationships and claims never to have been in love with any of them. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a complete robot and showed me nothing but affection, so I can't understand this. Surely if you have such strong feelings for someone you would do anything to be with them. Or maybe I have answered my own question and perhaps his feelings weren't as strong as mine, whatever he said to me?! How can I have got this all so wrong? I would never let myself get so attached to someone if I didn't truly believe they cared for me?

 

Would be grateful for any insight? Cheers Medears x

[annie24]

Gosh - that's tricky. Maybe he likes you, but realizes with his school commitments that he can't have both you and school. So, it seems like he's made his choice: school.

 

I know this is hard to hear, but I'm sure that he thought about things, and balanced losing you, or losing time for studying, and he chose losing you. Maybe his feelings weren't as strong as you hoped they were.

 

Long distance is difficult. It's not something that everyone can handle.

 

I know that it must be hard, but try not to contact him for a while, at least until you are over him.

 

How long did you date? 1 month?

[ginger25]

Thanks for the advice, I think the problem is that my head is telling me all of that but my heart tells me that there's something not quite right, but I guess that isn't my problem. Yes it was only for a month, sounds stupid I know, but I have been in love once before and know how hard it is to find the real thing. Anyway, he wanted to keep in touch and has texted/emailed me on and off but it was just prolonging things for me so I asked him not to contact me anymore. Hopefully it was the right decision. Again, thanks for listening

[annie24]

Well... I know that these summer romances can feel really deep and meaningful... but..... I think that "love" takes a long time to develop. You have to know what a person is like, day in and day out, and when things are bad, to really be able to love him.

 

You've seen the best side of him. Happy and on holiday. You don't know what he's like when he's stressed or sick or upset.

 

I think it's chemicals and hormones, but isn't love after 1 month.

 

I think that's the best thing you could have done - telling him not to contact you for a while. Trust me, I've been in your situation before, and it hurts!!!!! I had a guy say the same stuff to me that yours said to you. But... I kept contact with him for 5 years! And it really hurt me - to be in love with someone who didn't want me. I kept hoping...

 

Well, I finally snapped out of it. It was a lot of wasted time.

 

I think you did the right thing. You are now freeing yourself up for someone in your area. Good luck!