Interracial relationship. Families disapprove. Pls help:(

[Flachenblitz]

My gf and I have been officially going out for about 17 months now. We are very much in love with each other, but the inevitable has finally come.

 

See, my gf is Indian, and I am Taiwanese. Her side of the family is very traditional in the Indian ways, and basically forbids her to marry anyone that is non-Indian. She hypothetically proposed the question to her parents of having a marriage that is with me, and the answer was basically a flat out, "no".

 

There are many roadblocks, and her parents is just one of them. She said to me from her culture, that the family and family friends(all Indians) would not understand why she would marry a non-Indian. They would shun her, talk behind our backs, and even get angry with us(she has seen all this happen). The traditional way for her is to get an arranged marriage approved by her family, and that is the way her parents would like it.

 

There is also the problem of her side of the family being fairly religious as a Christian, and me not being one, and from my side of the family, I am not allowed to convert to Christian either.

 

I want to be with her forever, but I also don't want her to lose the many people she care for. Is there any way for her family to accept me as who I am? We really want our relationship to be together, but we don't see how it can happen. Please any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

[secret_agent_man]

Hmmm, that's a tough one. Personally, I disagree with arranged marriages, but religion is a tough one to argue. You can't break the chains too easily. I understand your situation, and it may just be best to let her go, as not to risk the pain it would cause her family. Sometimes even though it doesn't seem right, you have to let go of something you know is so right.

 

I'm not saying I have any answers, but man I wish you and her the best futures, either together or not...

[kdreger]

I've been there.

 

My ex was east indian and didn't want her to marry a white boy. Unfortunately, I didn't support my ex in the way she wanted as I have two little boys and when her father threatened to kill one or both of us, I told her I'd have to move out for the safety of my boys. My relationship was on the downward spiral at that time and that was the death knell.

 

Having experienced it all I can say is:

 

1) Support your partner in her trial. She is having to decide between her love of you and her obligation to them. If you love her and want her, SUPPORT HER! Give her a reason to stay!

2) You can convince her family to accept you. You see, it's not personal, so because it's not personal there's nothing you can do.

 

Just support her in whatever she decides, that will show her your love.

[coldplay8]

I have been in an interracial relationship for years and it's definitely not easy. When it comes down to it, not everyone is going to be happy. It is just the nature of the situation and one you'll have to accept to be together. I know it is very hard on her to be in that position. But if the love is real and worth it, she/you will have to take some chances. Usually parents come around (especially when grandkids come into the pic). Here's some inspiration for you, I have an Indian friend who has been with an African-American for some time. She was scared to tell her parents for a long while- many years. But they are now engaged and getting married soon and she faced her parents and they are accepting it.

 

I have a father who very well may not accept my relationship when I decide to marry. And it will make things difficult, especially for my mother. But in the end, it is only your life, and you can not live it just to make everyone else happy.

[dfcannon]

Consider this: once you are married, you become a family unit with its own values and beliefs, and the two families will have to adjust to YOU, not the other way around. If you both are strong and committed enough, then just get married. If anyone doesn't like it, that's just too bad. I know it's not easy to choose this route, but you need to make a strong choice. Either break up, or get married, but don't exist in-between.

[evolution_Vll]

im in a interacial marriage my family disaproved ut i basically said screw u guys, im not gonna be tied down by stupid outdated beliefs that i dont even believe.

 

so its like if u care about urself do what u want, if ur gonna be ur parents and friends puppet then lt hr go but u will b morons if u break up.

 

i love my parents always no matter what becuse they are just misguided but if it comes to choosing my own path then sorry mum and dad , i love ya but cya later.

 

why give up ur bf/gf for ur parents when u will end up hating them forever anyway if u did give him/her up????

 

oh yea my parents love my wife now.

[kuhl282000]

I think for many family members that would be pretty normal to judge. I do not however agree with it. But you can't expect others to make you happy. if you love the person and they feel the same way. Well sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I would not want to have to be in your shoes, it will not be easy. But whatever you do ...stay away from name calling, and try and talk through it with your family....and see if they can overcome their way of thinking.....but no matter what happens...do not lose your cool......if you remain calm....it might not happpen right away but they might see by your reaction that you mean what you say and feel.......and that might help you in the long run......

 

good luck,,,,,,,,,,they say you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.....

 

Kuhl

[Franka]

If it's love, don't take anyone's bad advice. I am a happily married American who was not raised Jewish, and my husband is Ukrainian and Jewish. It took over 3 years for his family to acknowledge me, and until our marriage, I didn't think our relations would ever improve. His mother told him to leave me and marry a Russian girl instead. We faced incredible opposition throughout our engagement, and no matter how we tried to convince our families to accept our engagement, nothing seemed to improve. We have been in love for nearly 4 years, and married for 6 months this December. Breaking up over in-laws communication problems was never an option. It is only a problem if you allow it to be. At times I felt like giving up, but the worst is over, time has healed the conflicts that once seemed impossible, and my in-laws now treat me like part of the family. Love can and does conquer all. If your love is strong and stubborn enough to survive the rough start, you'll be just fine. Be supportive of each other, maintain your sanity, and ask yourself whether she is worth it. If the answer is yes, you have your answer.