Break up of long distance relationship, ridiculous story but need advice please!

[ginger25]

Hi, sorry for the length of this post I am new to this!

 

I met someone on holiday about 6 mths ago. We live about 3 hours away from eachother and met up 3 times back home. I was completely swept off my feet and he said he felt the same, infact he did all the chasing and insisted on coming to see me. Anyway, when we met up at home everything was just as good, it was a long time since I'd had those feelings for anyone. That's why I feel so miserable now, and i don't want to feel like this.

 

Just when I started falling for this guy, big time, he said he couldn't handle a LDR and let someone in emotionally who was so far away, and that he thought we should both get on with our lives. I accepted this and it has been so difficult because I have never met anyone who has made me so happy. He has texted and emailed me on and off during this time, usually just to ask how I am and sometimes saying that he still thinks about me a lot of the time. I think this has just stopped me getting over it and deep down I've been hoping he would change his mind. However, today I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore because it was too hard. Maybe I was hoping he would finally tell me what he really thought because up until now my gut feeling has been that terrified of his feelings - he has had a few 2 year relationships but claims to never have loved any of them?!. It was really difficult to say I am gonna cut off all contact but I believe it's for the best. He has been very understanding about it but I am so scared by the thought of never seeing him again.

 

I am so confused. I don't understand how I have become so attached while he appears to feel nothing? It has taken me nearly two years in total to get over a four year relationship to the point where I'm ready to meet someone else, and now this has happened I feel very worried about getting involved with anyone else. Thanks for listening!

[snugglemufin]

You have done the right thing. These days it takes SOO long to get over a break up becasue it is SOO easy to keep in contact using e-mails, texts etc. Not long ago, breaking up literaly meant "breaking up" as it was almost impossible to keep any contact. (how many times did we all go up to the phone to call our ex, begin to dial the number....and then hang up)

These days, typing in a message onto a phone or a computer is soo easy and then all it takes is a SECOND to hit the "send" button. This tells us that communication channels are still open and we use this as a source of comfort during those hard times. In the days when breakup meant breakup, these sources of comfort did not exist and that made things so unbearable to begin with, but quicker to get over in the long term. These days, the odd text message, or the odd e-mail just prolongs the pain and provides a quick "psychological" fix.

In terms of being scared to get involved again, that too is a horrible feeling but, in time, you will be ready to start something new, and your experiences from this relationship will help you and make you stronger in the long run.

 

Best Wishes.

[ginger25]

thanks for your advice, it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone and someone understands

[lauried]

I am kind of in the same boat and I applaud you on your courage to end all contact. I believe that you are doing the right thing for yourself.

 

Best of luck. PS I am looking for that courage right now. You are an inspiration.

[red10]

i'm in a similar situation too - i told my now ex that i wouldn't be able to handle just being friends with him if he was seeing another woman - well, basically he made the choice to see her, and give up our relationship/friendship - i keep thinking it's my fault cause of what i told him, and now i know how he really feels b/c he didn't pick me. this just happened yesterday - so the thought of not seeing him is tearing me apart, but he's doing what he feels is the right thing - wanting to pursue another relationship, and so i have to do what i feel is right, but cutting off all contact with him...i don't even want to think about tomorrow and how hard that will be, let alone a couple of months from now.

 

just remember, you need to be selfish in this case, what is best for you - as hard as it may be - you will pull through.

[ginger25]

thanks for all your advice - I feel a bit ridiculous cos there are people on here trying to get over really long relationships, which I know is extremely hard. So I guess I should count my blessings, it's cos I'm an old romantic at heart and need to believe that there's someone out there who will sweep me off my feet! (oh dear that is nauseating!)

 

Before this week I'd never even contributed anything to a forum, but I think it's great cos it's such a source of strength & comfort to people. Good luck everyone x

[red10]

you're right...this forum has helped me more than the support of my friends and family, it feels really good to know other's know exactly how i'm feeling this moment....and this has helped me .