I feel like we're misunderstanding eachother completely...

[annie24]

Well, why do you feel it's wrong? What feelings do you get when you are talking to another man? Let's talk more about this.

[xmrth]

I don't really know; I just feel what I feel now after it. During it, I'm just talking and then after, I'm thinking about it, and then it got to this.

I enjoyed talking to someone in general, but I suppose at the same time I felt it was wrong to be talking to a male when I could have talked to a female.

[annie24]

I think you should take some time to really think about this topic. What about talking to a guy in your class about the homework assignment or what he thought of the latest "Spiderman" movie affects you so much?

 

Really, just think of all the thoughts and feelings it brings up. Let's keep talking.

[xmrth]

I'm thinking it was really just because I never ever talk to guys and that it wasn't like me to at all, even though all my girl friends talk to guys. I felt like I wasn't being myself by talking to a guy over an assignment. I don't like this person in any way and don't like any of the guys I took note of in any way, but I kind of feel like it was out of line to do that. Because when I was in highchool, I used to have the intention to look around because we were so young and I had no idea that we'd actually be together for this long. And even though my intentions are ENTIRELY different, I suppose I feel like it's wrong both because I haven't talk to guys in so so long, and the fact that I used to many years ago (like 4 or 5 ago) and at that time, my intentions were to really actually look around because we were so young.. At this moment, I'm wondering if that's why? But then so why did I just realize that? I don't know but it just feels like it's not me.

[Vanilla]

I think you should stop over analyzing this situation.

 

If you close yourself from every guy out there you will never stop obsessing about your boyfriend. Not because you'll develop crushes and they'll make you forget about him but because it is healthy to talk to another guy and see other guys perspectives OTHER than your boyfrined of 6 yrs.

 

We live in a small town in Europe, its a populated town but small town nonetheless...there is a school where I used to teach and since I am only 20! I made very good friendships with the students. Its a small private UNI so theres only 4 girls and like 15 guys....I became friends with all of them nd they eventually became friends with my boyfriend and now we're one big happy group and I am glad I talked to the guys because it all worked out great and Ive made some of the best friends in my life and my boyfriend loves them.

 

The thing is you could be missing out on awesome friendships. You are not flirting, you are not hinting, you are NOT going to dinner and a movie with these guys- they're JUST people you talk to and address in class sometimes.. maybe get a coffee or a bite iwth them during break at college. NO big deal.

 

The mere fact that you feel so guilty is really unhealthy and something to talk to your therapist about. It's not right.

 

Now my boyfriend and I Have the same thing- he doesnt befriend girls for the sake of befriending them and hang out with them alone- he's established its not something he wants to do and he wouldnt be too crazy about me going to dinner and a movie with a guy friend alone...but we've established that if we'r ein a group of people/friends and one of us cant be there its totally cool.

 

Would it make you feel better if you got to know guys better with a some girls around?

 

If so, ask some of your girl pals to invite some guys over so then you dont feel so bad and its more appropiate.

 

just my input.

[xmrth]

I've been thinking about this so much this weekend and have been trying to make sense of it all, like WHY does it bother me so much that I talked to someone that happened to be a guy...? And over school work...?

 

I feel better now that it's Monday, and I do know males who I talk to since before I started feeling this way... and somehow that doesn't bother me as much. But then again, those people initiated with me, and it feels wrong to after so long, initiate a conversation with someone else-- I think what bothers me the most is that I just asked him what his name was. I think I just feel like that made it too personal, even though we just talked about school.

 

In other cases I have been with female friends and their male friends, and it does make it easier. But then I wonder if someone will think it's just me and this guy out by ourselves and disregard the female friend of mine? So I always find myself tagging along with the girl, or behind them and things like that. I always feel like someone will see and get the wrong idea, and I hate it. I'm not doing anything wrong, yet I'm watching myself so carefully on what I do; always paranoid.

[Itsok]

You do sound paranoid actually. A bit too much so. It's ok to be concerned about what others think, but this is a bit too extreme.

 

Don't worry too much You should sit down and write in a journal. Something is at the root of all this, and even you aren't sure what it is. Thoughts are like that. It's ok