She is avoiding me now

[galaxy71]

I realized that I made her feel reallly uncomfortable. She showed interest in me. I didn't show interest in her back in a timely matter. When I tried to show interest back, she had already lost interest and felt so uncomfortable that she not only blew off my phone call, but she has stopped hanging out with my friends.

 

She has disappeared into thin air in order to avoid me.

 

Looking back at what happened, I realized how I kept on making mistake after mistake. When she first met me, she decided to approach me and start a conversation. I thought she was just being polite when she was talking. I was instantly attracted to her beauty, but I was not confident enough to flirt with her or joke around. Our first conversation was awkward and stiff as there was little smiling between the two of us. I realized that she was just as nervous as me. I thought she was not interested in me in that way because she looked sort of stiff. I never realized how nervous she must have felt.

 

A few weeks later, she inititated conversation again with me. She was kind of shy and reserved when she talked to me. Instead of flirting with her or building rapport with her, I asked her some lame questions about her weekend and her school work.

 

The third time I talked to her, she ran up to me and started flirting like crazy. I felt really startled because I am not used to someone as physically attractive as her flirt with me. Again, I failed to flirt with her or gain rapport with her. After I got her number, I procrastinated when it came to calling her because I was sick and I was so nervous over the fact that someone as attractive as her actually flirted with me. Not only did I wait too long to call her(2 weeks), but I had the audacity to approach her in person after I did not call her. Boy, did she look really uncomfortable. She came up with an excuse to walk away from me. I had blown it. That was the last conversation I had with her.

 

After I tried to call her, she not only ignored my message, but she has decided to avoid me by not going near any of my friends. She has changed her schedule in order to avoid me. One minute, she was nervous thinking of a way to approach me. The next minute, she is thinking of how to avoid me. She has made the decision to cut me off from her life.

[Arrowsmith]

Several things come to mind:

1) You can't know what she is or was thinking. There are things going on in her life that dictate her mood and actions that you do not have access to.

2) Two weeks is a long time. Next time call after 2 days.

3) This situation doesn't sound irreparable, the way you tell it. Can you step up the friendship slightly without plunging into dating-land? Maybe once you get to know each other better you'll be less shy around each other and there will be less opportunity for missed communications.

[galaxy71]

1) Yes, I don't what went on in her head and her private life. But I can make some inferences on her behavior based on what I know and based on how other people have interested the situation. The majority opinion seems to be that she lost interest in me after I waited two weeks to call me.

2)Yes, waiting two weeks made her lose interest in me. The coup de grace came when I talked to her in person without telling her why I hadn't called her yet. She looked really uncomfortable.

3) It's over. I cannot change her mind if she doesn't hang with my friends anymore or return my phone calls. She refuses to engage in any social intereaction with me. I don't think being friends with her would have done me any good. Dating is a way for two people to get to know each other better. The friendzone wouldn't have helped in this situation. Guys come up to her and flirt with her all the time. If I don't make a move, she has plenty of other options available.

[Naomi]

I have been in this situation as the girl and she isn't neccessarily uninterested. I think she is just very embarrassed and pursuing a guy which isn't easy for everyone and apparently being rejected. The phone call and message will not cut it. She feels rejected and that your recent phone call was just polite on your part. If you really like this girl, I suggest you pursue it. Send her flowers or something. Talk to her face to face. Explain what happened. Be honest. B/c believe me if she wasn't intersted she wouln't be so desparate to avoid you. She simply felt very rejected. Good luck.

[Belle]

Galaxy,

 

From your description, I think you have probably read the situation right but like naomi and arrow said, I don't think it's irreparable. You do, however, need to stop making it her job to pursue you and do some work. You've made her pretty insecure if she wants to get away from you. I rarely advise anyone to be super honest about this sort of thing because it can often backfire, but I think if you conveyed a message to her that you liked her and think that you may have missed your opportunity, you'll calm her insecurity and open the lines of communication. Don't overdo it. It's not about overkill and making her ego swell but she does need a little boost. Girls hate rejection more than guys because supposedly we're not ever supposed to get rejected (something about testosterone I think).

 

I think a simple note or voicemail will do, if you can't engage her in conversation since she sounds like she's avoiding you. If you can talk to her in person, all the better. You might want to feel her out and ask her where she's been and try to joke that you feel she's avoiding you or that you missed seeing her. Something light perhaps. Use your best judgement since you know her.

[patience]

If you really do like her, and if you really want another chance with her, be honest. Tell her that you didn't call sooner because you were feeling too shy or nervous (whatever the real reason is) and that you now regret that you waited so long. If she reacts positively, then invite her to lunch or for coffee or a walk or something else light and fun, so that she knows you are interested and that you are willing to make the effort.

[galaxy71]

I already got rid of her number. Besides, since we barely know each other, I don't think that I should be pouring out my feelings for her.

 

She lost interest in me because I messed up. It's time for me to move on. I guess what really tripped me up was the fact that I am not used to someone as extremely good-looking at her flirting with me.

 

It's my responsibility now to improve the way I act around girls.