Betrayal by Ex-girlfriend/BestFriend. What do I do? please h

[MissingmyBestfriend]

Hello everyone! I met a girl back of May, 2003. She was in an auto accident a week after we met each other. I was by her side the whole day. She is Catholic and gave me a stone of Mary with the "Hope" on the back. This made me fall in love with her. We started dating til November then, I broke up with her because we didn't have focus where we were going in our relationship. We worked different schedules, I worked 2 full time jobs and went to college. At the time, My other best friend who is an Ex-girlfriend got divorced and was in a homeless shelter. I felt it was my duty to be there for her and to let her live with me for several months. This created problems for my girlfriend that I was dating at the time. She didn't trust me but, my other best friend who got divorced was always around and we hung out alot when time permitted. I would rather not sit at home and do nothing. While we were dating weirdly enough all of us had a 3some and somehow made my current girlfriend bisexual and jealous. Also, her aunt died. She is the type were she doesn't show her feelings and It didn't seem like it bothered her. Well, in November my aunt died that I was really close too due to the fact that I wasn't really there for her when her aunt died. I called her at work and she found the opportunity to say a lot of mean things. Being betrayed, I hung up on her and she called back. My mom answered the phone and told her that I didn't want to talk to her. We didn't talk for 3 months. One day while I was dating a new girl, I walked in my house and she was there. Later that night with Objection from my new girlfriend I called her and we made peace with each other. We sort of dated then had sex. It turned her feelings off while it made old feelings even stronger. We were dating other people. She was really confused and bisexual. Well, I introduced her to my friends. Since, we were dating other people, I asked her if she minded if I kissed my new girlfriend in front of her or other things out of respect, courtesy and sensitivity. A few days later I was there in my friends apartment, I told her that I still had feelings for her that I loved her. She looked me in the eye and said we're broke up and slept with my friends practically in front of me. I heard the sounds and felt really betrayed by her. After what happened, I told her that I couldn't tell her what to do or control her, but, I let her know that it really hurt me and if it happens again I think it would be too painful and hurtful 4 us 2 be friends. She said she was sorry and she wouldn't do nothing to jeopardize our friendship. She told me that she slept with other people, but it didn't bother me. We had 4 talks after the incident and she assured me each time that she loves me too much and I'm like family to her to do that. On May 10,one year anniversary the day we met, I got her a glass picture frame saying "Best friends forever" with our picture in it to celebrate our friendship. When I went to work that night the friend who she slept with was there at my apartment with her. I trusted that nothing would happen since she loves me. The next day, My guy friend told me that she tried to do things with him. my other friend was there and confirmed it was true. When I got to my apartment, I asked her. "She lied and said" We just talked" I was so mad that I didn't talked to her for 4 days. She called me over 35 times within 3 days. We went to the park and she said" That she didn't realize how bad she hurt me and promised to make things right. We argued and fought for 2 months. She kept telling little lies & my trust level 4her went down. Resentment, Bitterness set in. I hurt her feelings one dayand she hung up on me. She promised that she would always be there for me. After 8 days, she ignored my text messages, phone calls & e-mail. Out of worry and concern I went to her house that day wit ha apologetic card and her favorite flowers and her family and her made me out to be this heartless stalker and claimed that I was indirectly threatening her. I wrote many letters to her showing my love and desire for her to be happy with or without me. She said so much hurtful stuff while I was at her house that I didn't really know who she was anymore. I felt further betrayed since I was really close to her family. We made a deal to start a new chapter in our friendship and I agreed to give her, her space. She claimed she was scared of me and since her mom and her were distint this threat would get her what she wanted; her mom's love and attention. While, at her mom's house she said she didn't regret the second time with my friend.If she was really scared of me why would she call me 5 days later. The same day she called me I went to the hospital for stomach pains. After I got out of the hospital she called me and just wanted to say HI. I said "Thank you for calling me". She seemed like she didn't cared that I was in the hospital. I asked her if I could her in 2 days. She said "Yes". While during the 2nd day I saw her online and then, when I tried to instant message her, she signed off. I called her cell phone within 20 seconds and her brother answered the phone & said she was sleeping. I decided that she has crossed the line since I thought we were going to start a new chapter. I took her stuff back with the police and told her to not have contact with me. Out of Anger, I told her brother a family secret and she saod " Go to Hell & she never wanted to talk to me again". I feel so bad that I broke a promise but, how could I have showed her what pain she had put me through until I do the very thing that hurt me. Looking her in the eye and betraying her just like the night she slept with my friend. I didn't mean to blurt out the secret but, I don't want this to happen to no one else. Many people say I should have got rid of her when she slept with my best friend. I don't know how to feel or what to think. I want to call her& apologize but, something tells me not too. I feel that she betrayed me as well as my best friend. She couldn't turned around out of respect and do things with him out of my presense. She did it in front of me and I wanted to show her how it felt. Was I wrong? Should I contact her in the future? Please help someone. I have been really depressed and feel betrayed. Hurt and confused. ??????

[segagirl]

This is an extremely unhealthy relationship. Actually, you both showed behavior that is quite hurtful. I have no idea how you let this go on for so long, its the addiction to the drama you both adore. Time to take a long hard look at yourself, and gain enough insight to see this relationship is something you want to look back on and say "what the hell was I thinking". Don't contact her, ever. Take time to find you...and the kind of man you want to be....I do not assume you want to be lied to, cheated on and thought of as scary. right?

[in_the_mirror]

i totally would have done the same thing only i might have done it sooner what she did to you is something no one should go through. don't call her she isn't worth, don't make peace cuz she will prolly only betray you again.

 

go out with your friends again and date other people do whatever but don't regret what you did to her she deserves it and if you do see her and she waves or something wave back or say hi and go back to what you were doing. don't go out of your way to do it though she was the one that hurt you all you did was tell a secret.

[crookster_man]

Missing, you need to get the hell out of that relationship and NEVER look back. What was the part about going to her house with the police? Honestly why the heck are you still evolved in this? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? It is unhealthy and very negative. You are addicted to the relationship. You need to sever contact. Possibly seek guidance from a counsellor. This is dangerous. Get out now!

[MissingmyBestfriend]

Thank you for your advice everyone and the time you took to write a response. See, the only problem I have with this girl is that her grandma works and lives a street over from my house. I see her family and her drive through the neighborhood all the time. Her best friend who I have known since grade school goes to my church and knows some of my friends. I'm afraid that my character, reputation and integrity is on the line. I even have pictures of us she hasn't seen of us. I'm not sure how to feel but, your advice has really helped me and given my renewed strength. Should I worry? What should I do? I even see her on America Online under different screen names. Her name is so common. And I see many cars like hers thinking it is her car. I don't want her best friend telling her things about me or my life. ???? What do I do?????

[segagirl]

As forward as I can be and meaning no disrespect. You are making excuses for yourself. Who cares if her friends or grandmom are in the area? What does that have to do with anything? If you want to maintain integrity and respect, move on and stay as far away from her as possible. Now seeing them may hurt...as it reminds you of her...but still they have nothing to do with being smart about the fact that this is indeed unhealthy and needs to stop once and for all.

[crookster_man]

What Segagirl said.

 

Who cares what your ex-(whatever she is)'s family thinks about you. You know what my Ex's family hates me because I dumped their daughter after she cheated on me with one of my friends. It doesn't matter her family will always support her. Just like yours will support you. You can't please everyone. You don't have to worry about what they think of you. Just make sure you can look in the mirror and respect yourself. That's all that matter

[raggamuffin]

You really really need to let go. This relationship you are in is in a vicious cycle and its never going to get better all of these things will keep on happening. Tell her that the friendship is over and that you need to go your separate ways. Then everytime you want to contact her keep your self busy. Change your phone number if it makes it any easier but you certainly need to get out of this bad relationship its unhealthy for the both of you. It would seem that you care about the relationship more than you do and this will never change and it will constantly hurt you and give you pain. It wont be easy but nothing ever is.