Dealing with Past Abuse

[WhatShouldIDo]

I am recovering from bulimia and self injury and recently I have been looking at underlying reasons or emotional triggers for my problem. It has come to my attention that my past relationship was extremely psycologically and sexually abusive even though I was in denial of this during and after the relationship had ended.

 

My ex-partner was exxcessively controlling of me calling 8 times a day and demanding to know where I was at all times and who I was with. He would get upset and angry when I hung out wiht my friends and as a result I hung out with my friends less and less. Eventually he I was not 'allowed' to go to parties or many such social activities wihtout him. He would get upset when people looked at me and demanded that I no longer where certain clothing (white shirts, any skirts, tight cloths, halter tops, most of my tank tops, tube tops, most dresses, etc) he even when to far as to go into my house and take cloths that he didn't want me to wear. He was also very sexually demanding and aggressive he forced me to have sex repeatedly over the course of a day even if I told him I was in pain. He said he enjoy sex msot when it looked like I was in pain or if I scream or cried. He claimed that I didn't mena it when I told him I didn't want to have sex. Also after the sexual abus began I tried to break up with him repeatedly for about 6 months and each time he would threaten to kill himself or injure himself if I did. I believe him when he said this and also believe that he had some sexual "need" I was not satisfying in order to jsutify the sexual abuse. I told myself that he other controlling behavior simply met he cared a lot. I realize now how incredibly wrong I was in this. Eventually I broke up with him as he had to leave for the summer to do training in another province (he is in the reserves) during this period he sent repeated letters many of them threatening me not to do things such as drink or go out. When he came back I had enough space from him that I was able to cut him out of my life. He showed up at my house the day he came back and I went outside and broke up with him and did not let him into my house or listen to him. At this point I had acknowledged that the relationship was not good for me and I was unhappy although I had not admitted the abusive nature of it. For several weeks afterwards he amde attempted ot make me take him back (calling excessively, showing up at my house, he even searched out some of my friend and interogated them on what I was up to).

 

The problem is now that I have confronted this I don't know what to do. We have been broken up for about four months and he has ceased to harass me but I go to the same school as him and see him by chance several times a week although I avoid and never speak to him. This is still very diffcult and triggering for me. I don't want to switch schools. Should I confront him or tell a guidance counseller or something? Or should I jsut continue ignoring and avoiding him. I have no idea what to do. He is very well liked and moderatly popular. Most people think I was the one that treated him badly since in public he was always very nice and almost timid and I was usually withdrawn and unemotional. I don't know how to handle this. He also has a new girlfriend and I doubt she has seen any problems with him since the problems only started after we became sexually active before the relationship was completely normal. Any suggestions?

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

I dont like how this guy sounds.. I suggest that you avoid him as much as possible.. Look for someone else you like and forget this guy at all.. You deserve better person that this demanding creature.

[Wild Child]

Dear WhatShouldIDo

 

I am a young female woman. I have read your story and I feel heartbroken by all that you've been through. You seem like a superior lady, considering your surviving all you've been through. I know that nothing could've been easy for you. You are talking about going to the same school as this guy, how old are you? You needn't tell me your exact age if you don't want to. I am between 18-22. I take my hat off to you for being the strong person you are. Ignoring the guy will partially solve your problem, unless he has an obsession over you. If he has an obsession and realises that you are trying to avoid him, he might try and get your attention in some way. I would recommend you go to a guardian (either in your school or to a professional person) and tell them about what you are going through. They might give you usable defence methods against this freak, or even protect you if they know your situation.

 

All the best!

Please remember to keep strong! If you give up on yourself, no one else will be there to catch you! Always rely on our creator!

 

God Bless!!!

 

A Friend