Am I really being selfish by being insecure?

[LonelyGirl]

Okay, I already had a message on here a few days ago regarding my boyfriend who dated a close "friend" of mine a few months ago (and we'd been together almost 3 years. We recently fought (ok, yesterday!) about this. NOT a day goes by that I'm not reminded of it. It's not that I want to feel insecure or upset but it just happens. He says that it's my problem and that I get myself upset. However, if he had never went out with her in the first place I wouldn't be feeling this way! He says to me "Not everything revolves around you". No s**t! But how can I overcome this? Every once in a while I break down bad and we get into arguments. I live with him, and we split bills, etc. I don't know what to do. I love him but I'm constantly suspicious and I get upset about his past error in judgement and it drives me crazy. I'm even depressed about it but have no one to talk to. I tell him he's the only one I have to talk to but he only talks at his convenience. Yet, somehow I still turn out to be the selfish one! He goes out by himself and doesn't take me and expects me to be alright with this even after past events. I can't handle it too well. I must sound crazy but my feelings are haywire and it hurts. He says he loves me and that if wanted to he'd leave. Then he says that if I want to leave him then so be it. I kind of feel that if he actually wanted me to stay he'd be more inclined to say he didn't want me to leave. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have I don't see too often so I can't vent through them and I spend my time alone if I'm not at work or with him. I know I shouldn't feel this way but some days are so hard to deal with my emotions that I think it would be better to just die. I won't kill myself but my heart aches so bad. It is very disruptive, too. I can't concentrate sometimes when I need to. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way or similarly but I certainly feel all alone.

[segagirl]

Sorry you are still upset about this issue. I think that you have to get your own life sweetie. Not should, but must. You have to find things you love to do, find new friends and find outlets to help you gain self-esteem, as well as have people to talk to. Your man cannot be everything to you. Men want to see a strong and secure woman.

If you have taken him back after he was with someone else, then you choose to look past it and forgive him....you cannot hold it over his head. If you cannot live with what he did, you should not be with him.

You are right, this is on you...and only you can solve this issue. There will be nothing he can do to "Fix" what is already done.

To stop being needy and worried...you have to find it in your heart to realize if he wanted to be with someone else...he would be. And if you dont come to terms with it...he is likely to pull away from you.