What would you think.

[snowwhite]

One of my best friends is a school teacher. Her husband of seven years is a claims adjuster for an insurance company. He doesnt have an actual office, just what he uses at home and his car he works out of. While she was out of school for two weeks for Christmas Holidays, she tried several times to get him to meet her for lunch. He always said that he was too busy/had too many claims to stop for lunch. Well, yesterday, her last day out before school starts back, she calls and ask him to meet her for lunch. Thats when she finds out he is already out to lunch, with his female co-worker. (Keep in mind they dont work in an actual office together.) My friend was very hurt and upset by this. This co-worker if his also calls their house frequently about "work." Also, during their converastions he will often bring up this co-worker and say, yeah, so in so said this ....... blah, blah, about whatever they are talking about. He also told her on the phone yesterday .......... What does it matter if I have lunch with her, you never wanna have sex anymore anyway. He also said that she complains and whines too much. Which, granted I think she does about some things. However, she has been through alot this year. He dad was very sick and almost died and was in the hospital for six months. She also had one of her closest friends turn her back on her, she's just been under alot of stress. I think that maybe he is talking and confiding in his female co-worker a little too much. I dont think that he is cheating with her, not as of yet anyway. I am just worried about it getting to that point.

[DN]

What he is doing is possibly inappropriate. Depends on their conversations at lunch and on the phone.

 

But is he being deprived of sex by your friend? If that is the case, then she needs to address that issue as well as his 'work' activities.

[snowwhite]

I did advise her that she needs to address that. However, I dont know that she is getting from him what she needs emotionally to want to have sex. Know what I mean. I think most women need that emotional connection too.

[Hope75]

Before this other woman came into the picture, how was their relationship?

 

Did they have respect for one another?

 

Good communication?

 

Were you aware of the sex problem?

[snowwhite]

From what I could tell, their relationship has always been good. Its just been a very stressful year, especially for her. I feel like they respect each other.

 

As for the sex, I dont know that she has ever been as "in to" it as he would like. I know they had some problems in the beginning. (sex issues) Somehow I just get the impression that she's probally not very exciting in the bedroom. She was brought up in the kinda household where sex was never talked about, and had the stigma put on it that it that it was dirty/or just one of womens "duties" in the marriage.

[Hope75]

Has she talked to him in a non threatening way about how she feels left out and how she would love to spend more time with him? (not mentioning this other woman?)

 

When it comes out as an attack or puts him on the defense, she isn't likely to get him to listen to her.

[DN]

As far as sex vs emotional connection is concerned, that is a 'which came first, the chicken or the egg' scenario.

 

But if she wants to save her marriage blaming him and withholding sex is not the way to do it.