MSN And Ex's

[lewisbn11]

Im only making this quick comment as i think it will help a lot of people. My ex the love of my life destroyed me told me it was over etc at christmas. Anyway as i try to get on with the NC thing (which i have found to be the only thing you can do to try and move on) she speaks to me on msn one night after 3 days NC. Your heart races and you can't believe it. I don't even have her on my msn so i didn't know she could be online.

 

Bottom Line. I Blocked her. Don't put yourself through seeing her come online and just waiting and waiting for her to say something. Wondering why she isn't etc. Its easy to read into it so much when realisticly its online chat. So many mind games can be played. As the person who has been dumped she knows how you feel about her and if she does want to contact you she will make more effor then msn.

 

Lewis

[darkblue]

I agree you should delete them from you contact list.

 

NC means No contact - whatsoever.

Whether it be MSN, talking, snail-mail, pigeon post, etc.

[SuperDuper]

I agree to an extent.

Only because with my ex, when she broke up with me.. I didn't block/delete her. But held my ground and refused to contact her for 2 months. I didn't let the little things excite me, and continued to move on.

 

Later when I felt ready to speak to her again, I started accepting her messages, and they turned into plans, and hanging out , etc.

 

I guess it all depends on your certain situation and the person you are.

[darkblue]

I agree, SD.

For most people doing NC, they want to forget about their ex and attempt to move on with their lives - which is made harder when there are hopes of friendship or getting back together.

[lewisbn11]

For me nothing is worse at the moment. Hearing a phone ring or getting a text message. You want it to be them. Its happened 2 times in a week that she has said something to me on there and it makes me feel like my hearts gonna explode

[novaseeker]

I agree. I blocked my recent ex on AIM and MSN. I can still see when he logs on and off, however (apparently he does not have me blocked), but nevertheless it's one way to exert some control over being contacted by the person if you don't wish it.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

 

Its easy to read into it so much when realisticly its online chat. So many mind games can be played. As the person who has been dumped she knows how you feel about her and if she does want to contact you she will make more effor then msn.

 

Lewis

 

I agree with you.. but dont forgot also that some people only get encouraged to say what they want online.. Some people are shy that they cant talk face to face.. Talking online could be a good place for playing mind games..i agree but Its alot more easier for 2 people to talk online that talking with any otherway.. But since you dont want anything from this girl anymore i agree that deleting her is good..

[lewisbn11]

i do want this girl though. i want her so much but im so scared of seeing her name come up. What if shes just talking to me to just talk. Im setting myself up for returning hope surly>?

[capricorn85]

The internet thing is horrible. I took off my exe's sn right after the break up. I blocked his e-mails too. That helped me in my process of moving on. I would get so excited when someone signed on because I thought it was him. It's hard, but stick with NC.

[Wimpy]

I remember my ex told me about an ex of his. They broke up but didn't delete one another from their MSN contact list. He told me (as it happened about 6 months before he broke up with me) that she had suddenly, one day, said "hi" to him....after 2 YEARS of NC

 

From what I know of the situation he handled the break-up with her badly and so never felt right about contacting her after that.

 

Anyhow, they started chatting again and he caught up with her although by now they'd both moved on with their lives - she was living with a guy.

 

Anyhow, fast-forward to April of last year when he broke up with me in an e-mail (see previous posts if interested in details). The FIRST thing I did was delete him and block him. Since he broke my heart more than I could ever express I made that stand knowing that I'd never initiate contact with him again.

 

Like you Lewisbn11 I knew it would be too gut-wrenching to see him come on line and wait to see if he spoke to me. On top of that was the fact that he was now in a different time zone so it was just adding stress.

 

I must admit that I also wanted him to know that I wouldn't be like his last ex - I would never initiate contact with him - what he did has taken me months to get over.

 

I agree 100% that you should remove them - NC means just that.

 

If he wants to get in touch with me (and 8 months on he hasn't) then he has my e-mail address, snail mail address, phone number.

[lewisbn11]

Wimpy i agree. This is one of the same reasons why i am being like this too. Her last ex stalked her. They were with each other from 16 and for about 4 years. he would go round her house and majorly stalk her. I think she isn;t used to somone getting on with it and not calling her all the time.

[darkblue]

Wimpy i agree. This is one of the same reasons why i am being like this too. Her last ex stalked her. They were with each other from 16 and for about 4 years. he would go round her house and majorly stalk her. I think she isn;t used to somone getting on with it and not calling her all the time.

I don't believe in games (period)

 

Once a relationship is over, it is time for healing and reflecting on what went wrong, why it went wrong and how it could be helped in future.

 

The grief and loss of a loved one is simply a side effect of learning; on the road to the real, happy relationship that you deserve.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i do want this girl though. i want her so much but im so scared of seeing her name come up. What if shes just talking to me to just talk. Im setting myself up for returning hope surly>?

 

Yeah she could just talk to you just to talk.. However it depends on your situation.. You are the best one here to know how this girl is thinking and what is best for you..

 

If she talked to you, talk to her normally.. and dont expect something..

 

It depends on whether you believe that you both should be together or not.. Man i really dont know what to say but all i can say is Follow your heart.. My best wishes...

[Mattie]

I agree that it's best to delete them. At least so you haven't got the hassle of seeing them online. It works both ways. Your ex might be staring at your name and thinking the same thing as you. Then, things get out of hand because both of you are assuming things about the other that, in the light of day, probably aren't true.

 

Plus, in my experience, if an ex speaks to me on MSN, I start over analysing every little word and killing myself for days trying to look for clues.

 

I find myself staring at my phone a lot too. Whenever it vibrates, I get excited thinking "it could be her" and then I'm disappointed when it's not.

[novaseeker]

Yeah the specific danger of IM programs is that folks are far more willing to press that button and initiate an IM string than they are to pick up the phone, so there's a lower threshold for them to break no contact in IMs than on the phone I think. It IS easier to talk in IMs than on the phone if you are unsure of what you want to say, are just fishing, etc. ... and so in break-up situations, IM programs create particular challenges. I agree with everyone else in terms of deleting (an extreme remedy) or at the very least blocking the person from your IM programs. Blocking is nice because while it still has the annoyance of allowing you to see when they are online or not (if they have not blocked you), they nevertheless can't contact you at all through the IM program, and if at some point you want to unblock them (eg, you're over them and want to be friends, or an emergency happens or something like that) then you can easily do so.