husband behaving strange

[mom2three]

I have been with my husband almost 17 yrs, along with 3 kids. My husband has always had a problem with is drinking, and being honest with me about small and big issues. He works out of state 3 weeks at a time, and then he is home for 3 weeks. Last year, I started noticing some changes in him that were strange. He started coming home from work, and being very negative and critical with me, our kids, and our house. He started drinking a lot more and trying to hide it from me, and he started being dishonest more. I had also noticed that he seemed more distant than usual. He would hang out in the garage by himself more, or hang out in the family room by himself. I would always try to start conversations or just want to be with him, but he never seemed to want my company. About 9 months ago, he called me from the airport out of town, and told me that 3 guys had robbed him, and threatned his life, and that they had thrown his cell phone and broke it, which is why he had to call me on his phone card. I was a little suspitious because he sounded way different on the phone, almost guilty? That same night he got home, I tried to hug him, and he pulled away from me, He couldn't wait to take a shower. In all the years that he has worked out of town, at the same job, he has always sat with me, and has visitied for awhile. I started getting a gut feeling that something had happened with him, because of the way he was acting. The same night when we were talking, he suddenly starts talking about STD's, and how it ticked him off that a Doctor wanted to check him for STD's over 7 years ago, and then tells me that he has never cheated on me. I'm laying there thinking to myself "why is he bringing this up now? The next day, he started talking about how he wouldn't be surprised if he caught an STD from the toilet seats at work, because they are really gross. Then, he tells me that if anyone should call me from the state he works in, not to believe what they tell me. Then, he kept changing his version of what happened that night. First, 3 guys robbed him, and threatned his life, then, 2 guys and 1 girl, then 1 guy and 1 girl, and the final story he told me was that he was at a bar with his friend, and got tired, so he decided to go wait out in his friend's truck. He claims that some women followed him out to the truck, and got in. He told me that they were having a normal conversation about family & kids, when suddenly she starts driving off taking him hostage. He claims that this woman robbed him, and threatned his life, but had no weapon. He then told me that somehow the police showed up, but when I asked him why the police didn't take a report or a statement from him, his excuse was because he just wanted to hurry & get the hell out of there. He also told me that he blacked out part of that night.

I don't know what really happened that night, because I wasn't there, but I know there is a reason why he kept changing his stories. Our cell phone bill is in my name only, and when the bill came, it showed that he had used his cell phone quite a lot that morning from the airport, when it was suposidly broke. He has also been accusing me of having a boyfriend lately. I have started seeing a wonderful counsler, and he told me that when a person has thoughts about cheating, or has cheated, they try to put it onto their spouse, so that they don't feel so guilty. Now that my husband knows i'm going to counsling, he has been kissing my butt alot, and giving me compliments. {he has never done that before} He will look me right in the face, and swear to god that he has never cheated on me, but I have a lot of doubt because he does lie about small things, and bigger things too. He had gotten copies of his Doctor visits, and had hid them in our closet. I was dying to see what his Doctor visit report said, when he ended up getting tested for STD's. The dictation read as follows: " He is out of town a lot and because of this, would like to be checked for sexually - transmitted diseases, as he is concerned that his wife might have cheated. He claims that has not had any infidelity." He kept talking about STD's, so I'm the one who suggested that he get tested, because he seemed worried about them. If you guys were in my shoes, what would you do? My husband wants to sweep problems under the rug and not talk about them. Then they will go away, and he won't have to deal with them. If I bring anything up, he just gets pissy & defensive. ANY ADVICE?!!

Thanks for listening to me!!!

[Mun]

What would you do if you found out he is cheating?

Would you stay? Would you want to leave? Would he got to marriage counseling...would you?

Sorry, no answers yet, just more questions.

[vandgsmom]

Wow. Despite all of the obvious problems you are a much more devoted and accepting wife than I think I could be under the same circumstances.

 

You know that he lies "about big and small issues", so why are you questioning your gut now? My best advice to any woman wondering about their man is to tell them to listen to that still, small voice that they hear. It will usually lead them straight.

 

But if you have already accepted emotionally and relationship-wise that he is not 100% honest with you and you have accepted that, then Muns wuestions above end up being the most telling about the situation.

 

You are obviously a strong woman and whatever you decide, I am sure that you will make it out fine.

[win]

typically men who accuse their wife of being unfaithful are being unfaithful themselves.

 

he needs to get counseling for his alcoholism.

 

no doubt he is losing your trust with his story-changing.

 

i hope everything works out for you and your situation.

 

from what i have read, it would seem clear to me that he is seeing, or has seen, another woman. i dont want to sound harsh, im just blunt.

 

you though, are a very strong woman. anything that he has done is not your fault. i would suggest marriage counseling, because, obviously, you love this man. from what it sounds like, you already have your suspicions.

 

again, good luck, i hope for all the best.

[annie24]

I agree with win. I think his actions sound like a man who has been cheating. He's suddenly accusing you of having a bf, and now he's talking about STDs.

 

I think you should go to the doctor ASAP and get tested from all STDs. And don't sleep with your husband until he gets tested either.

 

good luck

[Bethany]

I agree with annie, it sounds like he got drunk and was lonely and cheated on you with some girl, gave her his number and now he is withdrawing because he feels guilty.

If you want this marriage to work you need to think of forgiveness and putting it behind you, but you really should ask him to show you the STD report and talk about the way he has put all this onto you, by blaming you for his mistakes.

 

But saying all that, I do think that he sounds like he is sorry and regrets what he did, he probably was very lonely (no excuse I know) and maybe you should discuss him getting a new job, where he comes home every night. But it's up to you, listen to your intuition.

[yeawutever]

Bethany, u forgot the other obtion, wut if she doens't wanna work out and leave him if she found out for sure he did cheat. If she did found out, then she would have to either think of forgiving and going to counseling or leaving him. But, yes all his behavior is already obvious, he did and does seem like he's hiding the guilt, or else why would he be talking about STD's like crazy or be accussing u of having a b/f? Let us know wut happen. If he mentions STD's alot, then now it's a good time to get both u and him tested.

[Bethany]

I did say 'If' and 'It's up to you'. Most married people want to stay married and very often forgive but like I said it's up to her.

[yeawutever]

I dunno, I heard that divorce rates are 50% but they seen to be getting a bit higher each year if u at the statictics. But at the same time, that's just average I guess.