danoooosh Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 im waiting for my b/f to immigrate to my country we have been together 9 months (6 amazing months together in the same place and now im back home for 2 months without him) and im not sure if i should wait 6 months until he comes or not. of course i love him with all my heart and soul and he loves me (he is immigrating for me!!) but i am just getting so many people telling me that at my age i shouldn't jump into such a serious relationship and waste my time...... i just dont want to regret something that could be true love for a long time...i mean should i either look at this situation as ... a) i am young and should follow my heart and if i want to be with him and wait then i should ...i mean if you cant follow your heart at 19 then when can you? b) i should break up with him so that just in case he wants to move home to his country then i wont be even more broken hearted then....and also because im too young and should see other people and experience other things because he is my first serious relationship .... also i feel really stuck because its really hard to be away from him i miss him so much and i love him so much.....and i am also getting depressed about it.....however if we broke up i would feel a million times worse and regret it because i would think i could have potentially lost a very very amazing person... any advice? Link to comment
darkblue Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 You love him. He is immigrating to be with you. Is he coming to your country purely to be with you? Follow your intuition. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 i am just getting so many people telling me that at my age i shouldn't jump into such a serious relationship and waste my time...... I started dating my husband at age 16- I heard that buzz all of the time...about me being too "young". It was annoying. However, I always knew exactly what I wanted- so the rest is history. Don't let others influence you too much. You never know what their motives are- if it's friends telling you this- they could just be jealous of your relationship. If it's your parents/family- they are trying to look out for you but they may also be afraid of losing you (their baby) as well. Do what feels right for YOU. If you have serious doubts in your own heart, then that's another story- but to break up with this guy if you're truly in love with him ,simply based on what others are saying could be something you truly will regret. BellaDonna Link to comment
RayKay Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 If it feels right for you, then by all means do it. It's a good thing you ARE thinking about it, and that shows me you are really are in this for the right reasons. But listen to your own heart, and your own gut. People are telling you that you are too young because they don't want you to get hurt, but they cannot read your heart, or his for that matter. He is immigrating for you, which just shows me you are both taking this relationship seriously. Just because he is your first, does not automatically mean he also can't be your last....it's not common to happen, but it DOES. When I was 19, the man I had been dating for about 9 months by that point, went away for a YEAR on an exchange that had been planned before we even started dating. It was very hard, but we were crazy about one another, and so made it through the year, and when he came back we were together another 3 years, until he passed away suddenly, but I don't regret any of it. It's only a waste of time if you let it be, or take that view on life. Even when things don't end as we had imagined or hoped, there are lessons to be learned, it's a journey - LIFE is a journey. Link to comment
danoooosh Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 the only doubt i have is the fact that everyone is telling me "how can u know its true love and that its ment for you if you havn't been with anyone else" and all of this is starting to sink in....... i mean i have been with other guys however none of them have been so serious and i never loved any of them as much and was with them for over 6 months.... i just dont want to make my b/f put his whole life on hold for me and immigrate to where i live for me........if its not going to end up being right... i mean i really love him but how do i know if he is THE one if i havn't had other b/f's to experience......... what happens if he comes and he falls out of love with me or i with him.......then it will be a waste of all the time and effort we are spending now to organise him to come and wait 6 months and spend alot of money for all the documents and stuff...... i just feel like being 19 i shouldn't involve myself in all this stuff ...i believe if i was planning to marry him its a different story. i mean i could see myself marrying him but i dont want to think about that stuff now i want at least another 7 years before i think about it........................... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Just be sure he realizes that moving where you are was HIS decision. I'm sure he must realize there are no 100% guarentees in life. Does he talk about marrying you at all? Do you think that's his motive for moving there? If so you need to tell him your views on marriage and that you want to wait. It seems like you're worried about a lot of "what if's". Truth is- you'll never know what will be unless you try. If both of you go into it with and open heart, and if it's meant to be, it will work out. You don't necessarily have to date a lot of people to know if you've found the "right one". If there's a guy you've met that you are in love with- then why dump him just to go through trial and errors with the wrong ones? If you truly feel in love this guy- consider yourself lucky. Far too many women have ot go through terrible frogs before they find thier prince. If you skipped the terrible frog part (which is also a "waste of time") then that's a good thing. Again, follow your heart. "how can u know its true love and that its ment for you if you havn't been with anyone else" And how do they know what YOU'RE feeling, and that it's not true love? Be honest with yourself and with him about all of your feelings. BellaDonna Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 So long as he is not coming here to marry you to get a green card - and BELIEVE ME THIS HAPPENS - then you should go for it. However, if he starts to mention getting married - as much as you love him - be sure you look at the statues for green cards and such. I have seen three friends get suckered like this. Got married, and as soon as they got their green card they divorced the woman in no time flat. Be in love, but don't be stupid either. Link to comment
Bethany Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Think of it this way if you can't decide. HE is following HIS heart. Now what should you do? Nevermind what others think, they don't love him or miss him like you do. Link to comment
danoooosh Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 just wanted 2 tel u all thanx so much for the support uve really helped me.............all thats left now is to organise all the papers and just play the waiting game for the next 6 months........ once again it has really helped me having all your oppinions THANK YOU! Link to comment
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