MissJones Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I have a slight problem. I'm turning 30 in 6 months and while that's not a problem, the fact that I'm starting to think of sex 24/7 is becoming a problem. I basically want sex a lot now But I'm single and picking up random guys to shag is just not my thing. Never has been. I have a friend who I sleep with every now and again. There's a very strong physical connection there and it can sometimes cause a problem because he's moody and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel that he just wants me when he feels like it regardless of my wants and physical needs. The sex between us has been getting more adventurous because we're becoming more comfortable with each other sexually. The fact that it's been getting more adventurous makes me want to have sex even more but we're friends and I just don't want any awkwardness between us. I'm not awkward at all, but I sense that he sometimes is. He gets close, then backs off. The last couple of weekends we've been incredibly flirty with LOTS of sexual innuendo and on Christmas Eve we slept together (I knocked him back the week before because I was very tired). Tonight I sent him a message asking if he wanted to hook up, to which I got some lame excuse. I know he's flat out at work right now and he has a physically demanding job but still... He's all over me like a rash one minute and then backs off the next. It really annoys me like hell because (a) I want sex a lot lately and (b) I hate it when he backs off when I'm in the mood. I have needs to you know! ](*,) I'm not even sure what my point is. Maybe I thought I had a reliable, regular shag when I don't. Maybe I'm just p!ssed that he didn't want me tonight when I was pumped for some action. Maybe I just need to vent. Whatever it is, I'm damn annoyed!! What guy knocks back a bit of nookie, huh? (and no, he's not a tart - far from it). I thought guys were horny all the time! Tsk, tsk! Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Yes, we are, but sometimes we want more than to be just a fu** buddy. I bet he wants a relationship... Or a threesome? No, seriously, 30 year old women are incredibly horny and trying to keep up with them is difficult! Give the poor guy a break! How about invite him over some night and give him a nice hour long massage with some oil and reward him for his performance? Then, after he's all nice and relaxed, just let him sleep. No sex. Unless you manage to wake him up.... Good luck! Link to comment
MissJones Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Yes, we are, but sometimes we want more than to be just a fu** buddy. I bet he wants a relationship... Or a threesome? No, seriously, 30 year old women are incredibly horny and trying to keep up with them is difficult! Give the poor guy a break! How about invite him over some night and give him a nice hour long massage with some oil and reward him for his performance? Then, after he's all nice and relaxed, just let him sleep. No sex. Unless you manage to wake him up.... Good luck!Funny you should mention the massage thing. He hit me up for a massage last week and by the time we got together that night, we ended up having sex sans massage. My message to him today was telling him I'd like to take him up on that massage offer but I wanted to massage him first. To be honest, I would have been quite content if he fell asleep. I tend to crave touch too. It has crossed my mind that he may want more from me. Something he did to me the other night was certainly within the realm of what you'd do to someone you were totally rapt in. I sure as hell wouldn't do it just for the sake of it and I'm a very liberal person. I'm a bit embarrassed to explain though Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 It has crossed my mind that he may want more from me. Something he did to me the other night was certainly within the realm of what you'd do to someone you were totally rapt in. I sure as hell wouldn't do it just for the sake of it and I'm a very liberal person. I'm a bit embarrassed to explain though Well, um, if you share with us we'll give an objective opinion I'm sure... what have you got to lose? Seems like you've got everything to gain! Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I would give him a little space and then see if he comes back around. Some men like a chase for sex. The only other thing I can say is that I definitely look forward to turning 30. BellaDonna Link to comment
Dako Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Do you get anything besides sex from this guy? Is this just about sex or are you bored with him? Your post glossed over that matter. Just a thought. Link to comment
RayKay Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Well, most men I know don't just take sex anywhere they can get it. Some of them prefer some sort of relationship there, or will not be thinking of sex when they are stressed out, or overworked, or just tired. Believe it or not, men have feelings too Maybe he does not want to be just a "reliable, regular shag". I think your friend is doing this FWB thing pretty much as it is supposed to be. Casual, non committal and you are however taking it more personally when he is just not interested in hooking up. Or perhaps he is pulling away as he does not really want to feel like sex toy. While you worry about ruining the friendship, I think you already have put it at risk, even with "infrequent" hook ups, and you need to decide whether this is really a situation you want to be in, or whether it may be more wise to pursue someone else. Sex does change things, and it looks like it already has in your relations to one another, and in the way he acts towards you. It can also have some implications down the road if either of you does get involved with someone else. Link to comment
Beec Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I began reading this thread and thought, well, if she wants ex that much shee should get a sex buddy, to put it nicely. But you seem to have one. If he is flat out at work, then I can see why he would not want it. Sometimes we are too tired. But, I'd like you to think about something else. What will get him to want sex? If I want sex from a woman, I try to turn her on. I will start subtle, and see how she reacts. Let's say, she is not in the mood, and is feeling irritable. Well, I need to change that, first, before I can get her in the mood for sex. Maybe, I just lie down with her on the couch and relax, when she is relaxed, I start to make a point of appreciating parts of her, then kiss her a bit and hold her, and then after some of that she starts to feel a little romantic, and then we kiss a lot, then get hot, then I get what I wanted in the first place. It took me some work, but I turned her on. Now, if she had responded quickly and was horny, we might be naked in minutes. But I play off her mood and work toward making her feel like she wants sex. Now with a guy who wokred his butt off all day, maybe he wants some down time first. Maybe a few moments sititng with a beer and some football on TV relaxes and destresses him, maybe an easy and quiet dinner, then you can move him onto something else, a massage with him clothed and sitting in a chair, just his shoulders, to relax him more. Then get him in bed early, because he needs rest, more massage, etc., make him feel how he needs to feel to want sex. It's called foreplay. Men sometimes need or want it too. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Now with a guy who wokred his butt off all day, maybe he wants some down time first. Maybe a few moments sititng with a beer and some football on TV relaxes and destresses him, maybe an easy and quiet dinner, then you can move him onto something else, a massage with him clothed and sitting in a chair, just his shoulders, to relax him more. Then get him in bed early, because he needs rest, more massage, etc., make him feel how he needs to feel to want sex. God that sounds good right now... I think I'll show this to my fiance... Link to comment
Beec Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 God that sounds good right now... I think I'll show this to my fiance... Ladies, please take notice. Someone, a man, sees what I described, and he thinks it sounds good. If you want more, turn your man on. And note that it's not necessarily romantic things that will turn him on. This won't work for every man, but soemthing will work for almost all of us. Link to comment
MissJones Posted December 31, 2005 Author Share Posted December 31, 2005 Well, um, if you share with us we'll give an objective opinion I'm sure... what have you got to lose? Seems like you've got everything to gain!Ok, well, um...we were talking the other day about oral sex and he was talking about the anus and well...yeah, he was dying to include that area in his oral sex repetoire and he did. He thoroughly enjoyed it and so did I I can honestly say I've never met a man so keen to put his tongue there. And he hasn't done it to me before and we've slept together about 4 times. But hell, he was keen. We do get along very well although he p!sses me off at times. He's very hot and cold with me. We're very physically attracted to each other but I hate it when he brushes me off because he's in a mood or whatever. I don't know. I think what threw me more than anything was his totally casual reply. The text he sent me last week was along the lines of "don't forget the massage oil so I can get those knots out of that hot @rse of yours and then I can massage the rest of your body really, really slow...". (I injured my butt last week doing watersports). Gawd dammit, I'm getting toey just thinking about that! So my message to him yesterday was "I'd like to take you up on that massage offer of last week but I'd like to do you first...for as long as I want...then you can do me...". I thought that would be enough to make any guy jump up and down and throw air punches, especially one who is so physically attracted to me and is always complimenting my body. A group of us were playing poker last week and I was sitting in my bikini and shorts and he told me the next day he had a huge urge to just take me back to his place. *sigh* I, of course, replied "well, why didn't you?". hehe. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 It seems like you are all ok with this and enjoying it, you jsut want him to demonstrate a little more enthusiasm. First, I'd notice that he is pretty enthusiatic. he wanted to massage you, he had an urge to take you home, etc. Second, you need to convey the concept to him that he is getting soemthing pretty valuable. If he can knock on your door in the wee hours and say let's, and you say why I thought you'd never ask, you are available and not making him work at all. Make him work for it a bit. Just a bit, and you can try to increase it. Finally, I will note that this whole kind of arrangment has a limtied life span to me. I doubt think you want it to go on forever as a friends with benefits situation. However, the more frequent I've met her in such situations, the less time it has lasted. Sometimes because I found someone i wanted a real chance with, and other times for other reasons. Link to comment
MissJones Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 Finally, I will note that this whole kind of arrangment has a limtied life span to me. I doubt think you want it to go on forever as a friends with benefits situation. However, the more frequent I've met her in such situations, the less time it has lasted. Sometimes because I found someone i wanted a real chance with, and other times for other reasons.I'm actually starting to think that this situation probably isn't so good after all. Whenever there is our usual group of friends around, he flirts with me and is very enthusiastic. However, if there's another girl thrown into the mix, he changes his attitude towards me and practically brushes me off. He did this on on NYE. I was really unhappy yesterday and still feel rather cr@ppy today too. We've been friends for a few years and it's hurtful. I treat him the same, all the time, regardless of who is around yet he doesn't show me the same respect. I feel that he wants me when he feels like it, but when I want some company, he doesn't. It probably doesn't help that whenever he wants to spend time with me, I always do. I'm making this way too easy for him and letting myself down in the process. I suppose what I really need is a boyfriend - someone who wants me and only me and someone who I know where I stand with. I also think that my ego has a big part to play with it - I want him to want me and pay attention to only me but in this kind of situation it's not going to work like that is it? Link to comment
Beec Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 No, it's not really going to work that way. When it has worked the best for me, we never acted like a couple outside of us being alone. Most recently (and it's been a while), she did not know anyone I knew. We met, and I would treat it as a date, and we would then go to bed. The most recent time before that, it was similar. We would see each other every day, but we did not act like a couple unless we were alone. I think being too available is an issue possibly. He should think what you are and have is valuable. And if you want a boyfriend, then go look for one, but you might consider keeping this on the side until you find him. You won't feel desparate as you look. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Yes, we are, but sometimes we want more than to be just a fu** buddy. I bet he wants a relationship... Or a threesome? No, seriously, 30 year old women are incredibly horny and trying to keep up with them is difficult! Give the poor guy a break! How about invite him over some night and give him a nice hour long massage with some oil and reward him for his performance? Then, after he's all nice and relaxed, just let him sleep. No sex. Unless you manage to wake him up.... Good luck! I wish guys would learn to do that to us women more often instead of asking how big is it? Link to comment
Beec Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I wish guys would learn to do that to us women more often instead of asking how big is it? Well, in my experience, women always ask for lots of foreplay, but rarely want to take the iniative to put it in themselves, when he is not in the mood. If a woman is not interested on a particular night. Foreplay can change that. Same with a man. Link to comment
krissbrown Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Just wanted to add that I'm 29 and i dont see myself hitting a sexual peak at 30. I hardly think about sex anymore. When i was 16-22, I would say i tought about it 24-7 and loved experimenting. I also had a perfect body at that age. So not every woman hits a sexual peak at 30. Link to comment
lon71 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 hi, i just wanna say that i understand how the lady feels. i reached a sexual peak at 30, im now 34, i know more about what i like and what i want now, i experimented with sex toys which are great and i get more out of sex now than ever before, my sex drive is higher and i think about sex most of the time. my problem is that my partner has no sex drive so whilst mine has gone up, he's is non existent and believe me its awful!!!! going to bed feeling so horny and having your partner reject u is crap. im not into casual sex but i do long for a relationship with someone who will love me and who wants to enjoy good sex with me. my partner doesnt seem to want to please me anymore and doesnt seem over concerned with keeping me happy in the bedroom. i bought myself a vibrator which he knows about and i have to use that when my urges are bad as he wont satisfy me when i need him to. he knows this but doesnt really care. my advice to you is that i dont think just a sexual relationship with this man will work, i know u have urges and its hard when you have the urges and u r not having sex, but a vibrator helps out in the short term, in the mwn time, go out, have lots of fun and soon u will meet someone that wants a proper relationship with you and think of all the fun u will have as the start of a relationship is ususally when u have most fun and sex, so look forward to that happening to you, good luck!!!! Link to comment
Huntsman Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 = this is fantastic and i can FEEL your anger! = one of the most unknown biological phenomenons is that when a chick gets angry she is displaying sexual excitement. so when i see guys trying to argue logically with a chick it just infuriates her and her anger increases! these feelings are directed straight to her genitals. and so in your anger you are getting HORNIER! = why? you display this masculine trait in order to screen for a man who will override your frame and let you unleash your FEMININITY and lead you. he's moody and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel that he just wants me when he feels like it regardless of my wants and physical needs. = this guy is leading you. it's been getting more adventurous makes me want to have sex even more = cool! It really annoys me like hell = you are beginning to attach emotions to this guy, which is natural - you're a WOMAN - this is the key to unlocking your sensuality! but be careful. you come accross as wanting MORE emotional attachment, and you won't get it from this guy. don't complicate this. instead be on the lookout for a guy who can give you both emotional and sexual fulfillment. Link to comment
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