From ‘considering marriage’ to ‘considering suicide’ in 10 easy steps

[versat_il]

I understand now that there are a few basic principles to follow after a breakup for one not to get completely lost and deeply depressed. I've been on the careless side and I can testify it's not a pretty sight (spending 2 years in therapy and abusing drugs, quitting school and so on). I've come a long way since then finally came back to my senses, taking back school, studying psihology and doing pretty good for myself in general terms.

Along this path I managed to find myself a nice decent girl witch I rapidly fell in love with and became 'my soul mate' for the next 2 and a half years. Recently we consider marriage and moving in together, isn't that just lovely? The idea scared me, and got me thinking that I didn't experienced quite enough and the fact that I'm just not ready to commit. I started seeing other women and became negligent with my beloved and before I know it I didn't have any feelings left for her. Breakups followed and so did making back together but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was all role-playing.

About a moth and a half ago I finally consider definitely braking up with her, since all the time that we weren't together I felt no remorse.

Sad and done! Also I found another girl and pointed out to my beloved that I no longer love her and that I love this other girl (not true since I didn't felt love at that moment I just wanted to experience something new).

Right now I'm desperate since this other girl is starting to love me and I feel absolutely nothing but petty for her. On the other hand I can't sleep, think, drive, drink, talk or do anything else for that matter of fact (it's called depression, I know) and all these because I realized…

I realized that I've hurt, stabbed in back, cheated and scared away the only thing, which loved me back and actually cared for me. It's only now, and now it's too late, that I realize what I have done and the true love I lost and there's no one to blain but me.

So I'm standing here doing what I just did a few hours ago in front of my beloved… admitting I was wrong, stupid and a fool.

I'm not the brightest person on the surface of the earth but I can see what I have done and now I have to deal with it. I guess it's just the price I have to pay.

There is no support from family or friends since they all blain me, and they are right. The winter holidays are here and I have a lot of time with nothing to do but sit around and read 'Suicide methods'

I'm back on alcohol and drugs and struggling with a sleep disorder and everyone simply forgot about me. The feelings of blame and shame are here with me and I can't shake them off since … let's face it … I started it.

I only want others to benefit from my very, very unpleasant and painful experience and consider having a second look at what are feelings and the role they play in our life.

No one should feel the way I do ever again and no one should ever have to pay the price I'm paying.

I realize now that I'm becoming ill and I'm going through changes witch will leave me emotionally crippled at the end of the road.

[stolenshadow]

Versat_il, I don't know why you think the path of guilt will give you more than the other one, but let me tell you I was where you are and in many senses I still am, but of the little I have learnt is that you have to forgive yourself because nobody else can do it for you.

 

You made choices, we all make the wrong ones at times, but you know what you did wrong and, you know what?, you can also fix it.

 

The problem didn't begin when you broke up with that girl who you loved and loved you, it was before, the source and root of why you did it, until you find it you will keep looking, feeling like the good things are lost and maybe feeling depressed too.

 

You must keep going, your other option is destroying yourself, who would benefit from that?, you don't deserve to suffer, you already regret what happened, no need to keep harming yourself for it.

 

Use the spare time you have to think, to look inside, not for your flaws but for what makes you have them, you are human, try to find what that beautiful human being is trying to say, what would make for happiness, peace of mind, maybe even fixing what's broken.

I know you can do it, your words are of a very bright young man, don't give up now.

[versat_il]

Tank you for the encouragement and also for the reply.

I read a couple of times what you wrote and I just had to tanks. By now I’m not so depressed any more and I only have you to tank for that… I only see two ways around this issue. I need to do the crying and getting over and not blaming myself witch I am doing. Or try to get her back (witch I did) doe it’s going to reset my ‘days till it’s over’ counter to zero. I did tried to get back with Madalina (that’s her name) but only via Messenger it was never eye-to-eye contact, now I’m considering that a possibility for my failure. Since IM (instant messaging) is not showing tears of emotions and the way a sentence sounds can be interpreted (in my language) the wrong way.

(Even ‘I really love you’ can describe love of hate by it’s sound)

The last time we broke up she keeps saying she loves me, this time is only “I still think you’re special, but I’m changed” .I didn’t waste 2 years of my life and I know that if I can convince her that I’m changed she’ll be back but I don’t know how to do it right. Please help me

I swear to god I’m changed and I won’t do the same mystakes again and this time I’ll do my best to show my love rather then hide it.I’ve known this girl since we where 2 years old , we had even been in the same class room trought school and had our first kiss.I really love her and I feel so empty without her.Two days left till the new year and I feel so lost and lonely. I think she’s the ONE so pleaseeee help me…

________

God help me !

[yeawutever]

Yea, we are all face with two different path and u have to choose one or the another, if u read the poem "The Road Not Taken", I think that's wut it's called, it basically says the same thing I'm writing now. Once u choose that path, u can't never go back in time, but hey we're humans and do make bad decisions, if not, then this woudln't even be a world, it would be chaos. U first need to forgive urself for the break up, but see at the same time that's better than going off and cheating, u didn't do that, u broke up, and then stop being on drugs, and go get counseling. Keeping the blame on u for life, isn't gonna make u feel better. Free exercise and meeting new people, that also helps.

[Needy_to_go]

It's ok, u all make mistakes, think I can kinda relate to ur story, I broke up with my 4 year b/f on Nov. 23 cuz I wanted to be with his cuz. But funny thing is after the break up, I didn't went for neither of then, there never was anything more than talking on the phone kinda in a firty way and simple hello with the cuz. So, no I never cheated but the break up was catastrophic and now I keep thiking in my mind "Why, why, if I had 4 years relation, he never cheat, never abuse, never lie, nor disrespect me in either way, always open, yet I break up from feelings I thought I had fro his cuz, turns out, I didn't really. But see, I dunno if it's too late now to ask him again, he doens't know yet, he never found the real reason why I broke up.

[Needy_to_go]

Think, I'm gonna post my thread now

[stolenshadow]

That's what we're here for versat_il, to try to help.

 

I don't want to give you false hope with your ex girlfriend but I have to say there's many things you can still do to get her back.

 

I would say:

 

1. Sort yourself first. Felling depressed every so often is normal, but if you think there's something else going on you MUST deal with it, otherwise it'll creep up when you least expect it and can ruin any relationship you are in.

You cannot allow yourself guilt, pain or regret in your life, you also have to put the past where it belongs.

 

2. Do not try to tell her you have changed, SHOW her, live for a while with yourself, knowing you have control, with no more alcohol or drugs or anything, just be on your own, be stable, she'll sense you are doing okay, How?, I don't know, it just happens.

 

3. Do not IM's again, it is better face to face, if you can't manage to find her then phone her, ask how she's doing, nothing heavy, BUT, when you reach this step you have to know that she might suddenly say she's with another person, in which case you must KNOW you are ready to deal with it, if you are not then don't try to find her.

 

4. Even if she was with another person, even if she has changed, there's hope, you can both start a great and mature relationship, from zero, it would be new but full of learning experiences, if you love each other little else matters.

 

You must remember she's not your happiness, YOU ARE YOUR HAPPINESS, once you are okay then you can try to be with her and be very happy together

 

Best of Luck.

[conkatliz]

My heart goes out to you, I hope you feel the need to go out and make some new friends, some that have not heard your story 1000 times. I am sorry that I am being so blunt, but when we decide to go off and dump the best thing that has ever happened to us it causes a lot of heart break. In the last seven years I have had to change friends plenty, because they have had to listen to me and some of them cut me out of there lives, because no one likes to see you hurts yourself when you know damn good and well what you are doing. Listen hang in there it does get better it just takes awhile.

[versat_il]

I started writing this but I don’t really know why.

I just arrived home and I feel so lonely and out of touch. My depression got bigger and bigger in past few days and I know I should be seeking professional help but I’m in a poor country and I don’t really have that many helping friends. I haven’t sleep more than 4-5 hours since I can’t remember when and I’m almost delusional. On the night of the 30th December 2005 I when at my beloved house to give her some red roses and wish her a happy New Year. That really hurt and I started crying out loud and I couldn’t stop myself. Oh, and by the way I had to wait for a whole day since she was busy with her boyfriend. I had a very * * * *y New Year and I almost didn’t sleep at all since then. I called her again on the 2nd of January 2006 I don’t know why but I did. In this whole time I couldn’t function as a human being. Again she was busy with her boyfriend and I feel like the whole word was on my shoulders and I was crumbling. Around 10 o’clock I couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t make the pain go away so I decided to kill myself by driving out of a tall bridge. I wrote her a message saying how much I love her and that she wouldn’t have to bare me any more. Also I wrote that I’m very sorry for what I’m about to do and that I really wish that things didn’t turn out this way. 35 minutes later and 190km\h – 2 km to go till the bridge she called my cell. She bagged my to stop and I just cheeped closing the phone. 200m till the bridge and I suddenly brake and pull over the side of the road. She calls again and begs of me to come back home. To make it short let’s just say I agreed also we agreed to see meet at 4 o’clock and talk. 3rd of January 2006 (today) we meet. We talked for a few hours and I cheeped crying like a baby, also she cried some. I tried to show her and tell her how much I have changed in the past one and a half month but she was very confused and showed mixed feelings about what I was saying. Finally I drove her home and in our final talk she just showed me so much compassion. I told her that I don’t need compassion from her and I don’t want to go on just being friends. She said that after all I have done it’s the only thing she could do for me. I don’t blain her because she’s right and I told her that also. She just tried to keep me out of hurting myself and begged of me to go home. We said our good-byes and I went for a little drive, the suicide idee is not that strong now but it’s still there; She also said that it’s the most selfish jester I can do. Now I’m home and I’m writing this because the walls are coming closer when I’m not doing anything. I feel like I’m gonna end my post here and now….

I’m so scared

I’m crying

I don’t know where to go or what to do

Tank you guys so much and I’m really sorry if you won’t hear from me again. The pain inside me is getting to big for me and I just have to stop it somehow

[versat_il]

I’ve re-read what I’ve written and I have to add.

-I’m not on drugs and I haven’t been using any king of mind altering substances in a fairly long time.

-I’m sorry for my grammar and for the stupid way I make some sentences sound.

[stolenshadow]

You cry because she's with the other guy, you say you are going to kill yourself but give her the chance to save you and I'm thinking if you were back together you wouldn't feel so depressed, you know why?, because you are literally putting your life in her hands.

You can do this, you are a strong and valuable person, some things end, yes, but many begin too, but nobody else can see them for us, we have to hang on and live for ourselves.

[versat_il]

When things couldn’t get any worse …they did!

The fact that I’m broke and in depths I can relate to my negligent behaviour and the fact of being depressed.

I don’t really understand why my 12yo cat just died in my arms a couple of hours ago.

I’m not a very religious person but I’m just not able to see divinity plans for my life right now.

Is this “sorry we screwed up!”? Should I expect Saint Peter to pop up and say “Check you baggage at the door”?

I’m of to bed since reality scares me…

 

I’ve just noticed that this is becoming my on-line journal.

[stolenshadow]

I'm very sorry to hear about your cat, sadly that is life, it has things we can't plan, avoid or do anything about.

I hope your cat didn't suffer when the end arrived.

[versat_il]

Great things come to those who wait. And now I wonder what about the impatient?

A lot have happened in the past week or so. I’ve made peace with my demons and I started to embrace reality as is. I realized that I have to let things go and put the past where it belong. I meet with Madalina (my ex) and I told her that I still love her and that her happiness is more important to me then her presense in my life. If she is happy with another man, so be it! I will get over it eventually, but never will I forget. I admitted to my mistakes and faced my fears and I was not so bad, not so bad at all. Her reaction was all that I expected, crying for the past and holding on to the bitter reality. What I didn’t expect is she calling me the next day and asking me out thought I didn’t plan for that to happened, but I’m getting use to the unexpected in my life. I have to admit it was confusing and somewhat scary. I didn’t jump to conclusions as I regularly do and I didn’t start dreaming or having fake hopes. I played along and went out with her. The moment she saw me she specifically asked for the both of us to pretend that nothing ever happened but only for the day. We went for a walk in the same park we had our first kiss and after a god freezing half an hour we got back in the car to warm up a little (it was 5 degrees below freezing point). While we where in the park we didn’t mention any of our problems and we acted like we usually did. Back in the car as it got wormer we started to take some jackets off and I did something that I used to do, I helped her undress. In the middle of it she stops me and says something I will never forger “I want to make love to you, NOW!” Since we where in the central point of the capital of Romania that was obviously not a pretty good idea so we drove the car in the middle of nowhere and for the next couple of hours that’s exactly what we did, we made love. I couldn’t help thinking that the day will eventually come to an end and then what…?

Afterwards we talked about what happened and all that she could say is that she does love me but she can’t trust me any more or someone else for that matter and that she finds it to hard to forgive me. I didn’t pressed on the idea since Rome wasn’t build in a day and I just told her that thinks are different and that I’m chanced , I mention all the bad thinks I’ve done to her in the past and how awfully sorry I am for being blind and narrow minded. I didn’t hope for her to understand or forgive me right there on the spot but I said that my friendship is there unconditionally and that I pray to God to give me the change to redeem the wrongs I’ve done. The day did come to an end and I felt like going home and watch “The day the world stood still”, and so I did. I didn’t think too much of what has happened and I finally a good night sleep. The following days I did the thinks I should have done in the first place, small things, like pick her up from work when she does overtime or help her with business related features and so on. I did pick up everything in our discussions and acted upon it, like driving her to school a 6 o’clock in the morning when she had exams (first time in 2 years when I knew when her exams where).

In the mist of all that she saw the change in me and she saw my life changed. I actually attend classes ,help friends, do research, clean my car  nowadays and I’m not stoned every weekend and I started doing so back when I thought I’ve lost her , so the changes are mine and mine alone.

Days have past and everything went swell. The day of THE TALK is here and there I’m am standing in my car listening to Elvis – Fool such as I , waiting for her to come out of the house. We went for a drive and the road took as near that ‘middle of nowhere’ again and a couple of minutes later there where we doing what we like to do. Afterwards my mind freaked out on me again and there was I all paranoid asking all the wrong questions. I suddenly stop and calmed down, I laid myself back and I started talking. I talk straight thru the next hour and told her everything that was on my mind. The good things, the bad things, things never said before, whys and how’s, they all came out of me.

She believes in me now and wants to start out fresh but needs the time and space to figure things out. To figure if this is the best things for her to do and to figure what to do regarding her boyfriend. I never intervened since and I pretty much left things the way there where. I told her that no matter what happens I will forever be her friend.

A couple of hours ago I received a message from her saying that she wants to go out this weekend with me if that’s ok by me. I confirmed her invitation and now I’m sitting home and writing this …

No matter what I’m willing to face the music. If things are going to get better It will be a wonderful journey ahead, if not, it will be a fresh new beginning for me and a tremendous experience that has forever chanced my life and the way I perceive it.

The past week or so brought me the bitter and the sweet, “and I know the bitter which allows me to appreciate the sweet”. I’ve been called for advice and named a role model and my overall image of life has changed, as a very wise man said “some things end, but others begin”. I will post some more of how things evolve till then I bid you all a wonderful life.

[stolenshadow]

Not everybody is given the opportunity of witnessing life changes in such big ways so I'm going to guess here and say this happened after you had started realizing some truths you needed to; As we know, if one changes, the world changes.

Nobody here knows here how your relationship is going to develop of course, but I'm happy things took their place in your life, now I hope the things you learnt the hard way stay with you.

Do keep us posted!.