Dating VS Being a Couple VS being b/f g/f?

[thefireisoutanyway]

I'm a little bit confused about this. Back when I was a little kid like 10 or 11, I thought when two people dated, a kiss was what made them from just "dating" to being a "couple." This notion, well, was completely dropped once I hit puberty. In the end the entire topic was forgotten until I read a recent post.

 

So... here's the question.

 

Exactly when and how do you go from just "dating" to being "b/f g/f" (or "b/f b/f" or "g/f g/f")? Is being a couple different from being "b/f g/f"?

[DropToZero]

It depends on the person and their standards truly, some may go straight to being b/f and g/f right away, and others may wait a while and be dating others.

 

To me..."dating" is when you have two people goin out, or hanging together, learning about one another, but your lives are not consumed by each other and aren't hanging out every other day. Maybe date like once or twice a week...this is how you find if the person is 'right' for you and whether or not you would like to be serious with him/her.

 

Then...if you find there is something wrong with him/her, you can end it...or you could just continue dating etc, if you don't want anything serious. If you two choose to want to pursue a relationship, that usually means the two of you have decided you want to be exclusive and you're not going to date anyone else besides one another, and from there on-out, any certain activities with other girls/guys beyond flirting are more or less going to be considered cheating. That is when you two become b/f and g/f. Understand...I hope that helps and I didnt leaven anything out...that's at least what it means to me.

[stratguy620]

Man, Im so sick of titles when it comes to relationships. One of the biggest problems with my ex and I was how she always said we were dating, so she can "date" other guys. Also, sorry if this is kinda off topic, but I just read an article that a sociologist recently asked a large group of teenagers what their definition of "hooking up" is, and she got 27 different answers, ranging from just meeting and flirting, all the way to sex.

 

Anyways, don't worry about the title that you place on your relationship; it is completely meaningless. Just set your standards for what you want and when in the relationship you want it and you'll be fine...

[DropToZero]

Man, Im so sick of titles when it comes to relationships. One of the biggest problems with my ex and I was how she always said we were dating, so she can "date" other guys. Also, sorry if this is kinda off topic, but I just read an article that a sociologist recently asked a large group of teenagers what their definition of "hooking up" is, and she got 27 different answers, ranging from just meeting and flirting, all the way to sex.

 

Anyways, don't worry about the title that you place on your relationship; it is completely meaningless. Just set your standards for what you want and when in the relationship you want it and you'll be fine...

 

Yea I know exactly what you mean when it comes to "hooking up"...I can't tell half the time when anyone tells me that if they are talking about exchanging numbers, kissing, messing around, or sex...unless they actually define it and tell me, confuses me too. Everyone's got their different definitions, so I guess stratguy really is right, just make sure you and whoever you're with are on the same 'level' and understand one another and what you each want, or you're just going to end it all in pain.

[RayKay]

I'm a little bit confused about this. Back when I was a little kid like 10 or 11, I thought when two people dated, a kiss was what made them from just "dating" to being a "couple." This notion, well, was completely dropped once I hit puberty. In the end the entire topic was forgotten until I read a recent post.

 

So... here's the question.

 

Exactly when and how do you go from just "dating" to being "b/f g/f" (or "b/f b/f" or "g/f g/f")? Is being a couple different from being "b/f g/f"?

 

Good question, I think this confuses a lot of people actually, whether they know it or not. I have seen many many adults whom believe what you did at 10 or 11, and believe a first date automatically means they are "committed" to one another (and of course this usually results in heartbreak, or people wanting to "work through" big red flags a week or two in which is a bit silly...).

 

Anyway it will be different for everyone, so this is how I myself interpret it.

 

I consider "dating" to be when you are going on dates, with some regularity - maybe once or twice a week or so. Things are still fairly casual though, you are still getting to know one another as people and both of you are learning about one another to also see if there is potential for more commitment there. There are however also many whom date just to date and have no intention of it going any further. Dating can be exclusive, or it may not be and you may both be still dating other people.

 

Being bf/gf or bf/bf, or gf/gf generally occurs once you have talked together about wanting to be exclusive and enter into a relationship together. It still involves ELEMENTS of dating (like dates...and you are still learning about one another) but there is generally also more exclusivity, you are not dating others and you have perhaps made a commitment to each other that you care about one another. You may have realized there were no red flags so far, so are more committed to working through problems. In my experiences, it occurs after you have had a "talk" about it and made that decision together.

 

There is no certain TIMELINE as to when things happen, it's different for every person. Some "couples" will never move into a commitment, and the dating will end, or continue casually. Some will move into exclusivity, but realize then there are red flags once the "first impressions" or honeymoon phase is over. Some will move quickly from dating to exclusivity - and sometimes it will work out, sometimes it won't.

[Day_Walker]

That is going to depend on the couple but it can expressed or implied. So it would seem that the stage changes when both parties make that change. I dont think there are any clear cut signals.

[ShySoul]

There is no pattern to how relationships develop. People will also adjust definitions to suit their goals and motivations. To some people a girlfriend is someone who they can sleep with. Sad. But I think the only real label that counts is boyfriend/girlfriend which in my mind consists of two people who are exclusive and committed to each other. It isn't about what they do or how long its been, its about pledging yourself to just this one person and honestly loving them for who they are.

[Dating Coach]

I agree with RayKay. There are many definitions people use to descibe themselves, but for me, being boyfriend/girlfriend is after you have the talk or simply agree that the two of you are now exclusive to each other. My girlfriend brought us up as being exclusive about 2 weeks into dating. We were seeing each other like 4 days a week before that so I guess she was to the point of wondering what we were and asked if I wanted to be exclusive, and I agreed. The rest is history.

[thefireisoutanyway]

Okay, so reading through your posts, I see that before there is any real "relationship" as opposed to just "dating," there needs to be some form of mutual agreement.

 

Huh, I am starting to wonder whether I can really call my ex, "my ex."

 

Thanks for your responses. Happy New Year!

[mca1975]

This is a good thread (though its kinda old)...

 

I too have been wondering about this question, as have been seeing a guy for over 4 months now though he will not 'say' he is in a relationship with me. We dont see each other loads, we have our own lives, but when we meet up we have such a lovely time and get on very well. We act like a couple when we are together, and he refers to us as "we" when talking to other people. I think he enjoys that feeling. We speak on the phone obviously in between those times that we see each other. I think its the word 'relationship' that scares him and to be honest it does me a little, lol. We have tried leaving it because I used to push for it and wasnt happy, but he always came back. Now im getting kinda cool with it, with the 'unlabelling' I mean. I have always been used to being all consumed by my "boyfriends" and vying to spend every minute with them, so Im really learning from this.

 

He gets jealous about other guys and I do too about other women, so maybe we are kind of exclusive but without saying it? Who knows.

 

All I know is, is that if it so happens that I find out or hear that he has/is seeing someone else, then I would not see him again.