blue boy Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 Welcome Warmastoast ! I agree with lgirl ( I have learned from her !) Having been 'used' and manipulated myself for quite a while yet always being 'forgiving' it is time to stand up for yourself. The 'reverse psychology' is the way to go - you have to test her. I mean how is the future going to pan out if this continues - there will be no future unless this is stopped and the problem addressed right now. You will have to be strong - don't let her control the situation. I think you get the lot for that price lgirl - not JOKING lol ! Why would I want to be a woman ? I just think they are generally nicer human beings than men, and I also think they are the ones who have the real power. Don't know what I'd call myself though ! Link to comment
newby Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hi everybody, Just reading back on the threads and a few things came to mind. 1. Blue boy - Bangkok - Dont even think about it!! Are you mad? All those unstable hormones!! 2. Unconditional love. I agree with Igirl. Unless it is your child love is always conditional. Conditional on if I love you , you will not cheat, lie etc. Even towards a parent I think love is conditional, but somehow not towards your child. 3. Warmastoast, dumping is never well timed is it? But particularly hard at such a sentimental time as Christmas. And I am beginning to think I will never see Prauge. (sigh) 4. Violet, I am overwhelmed by the feeling of abandonment even though I ended the relationship - due to his infidelity and unreasonable behaviour I hasten to add. I hate that I feel abandoned. I want to feel good and confident and level headed and sane again! Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 1. It's too late - I've booked an appointment and my name shall be Charlotte ! 2. I thought lgirl said 'unconditional love' did exist. Are you saying it doesn't . Anyway I hate all these cliches - ACTIONS speak louder than words. A girl once left me and told me a guy had flattered her into leaving me - I told her not to be deceived - she didn't listen but she was eventually hurt. 3. Dumping at xmas is really, really unforgiveable and speaks volumes of the person doing it ! I can guarantee you WILL see Prague Newby and that you will have a great time when you are there. 4. You have always been sane and level-headed and good - they have destroyed your self-esteem but all of us here will make sure it returns. yours faithfully, Charlotte ! Link to comment
newby Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 So Charlotte, When are you taking me to Prauge?? lol You always make me laugh - even when I am very low. I must have misread the thread on unconditional love. I used to think it did but not for a long time. I see too many hurt and abandoned women in my job, and I am now one of them. There are always conditions, but as I said in the previous post, not when it comes to your kids. They can behave appalingly but the mother still loves them. It is dull, cold a rainy today - great weather for the depressive!! Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 January is SUCH a depressing month - it will be Spring before we all start to be reborn I feel. How's everybody doing out there ? If we could all turn the clocks back 12 months what would we do ? Just musing (not amusing) Warmastoast - what's happening with you ? Link to comment
newby Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Twelve months eh? I would have done it all the same probably - depressing as that sounds. It is hard to see how bad things are until you are out of them. Quite simply if my husband had not been careless enough to get caught out in his infidelity I probably would have plodded on in my unsatisfactory marriage. But on a more positive note - Fate has intervened and now the world is my oyster - I am getting ready to jump into the void - just watch me. Link to comment
newby Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Forgot to add. I am feeling much more positive as you probably guessed. Still very angry at the lying cheating Bastard, but not allowing it to eat me up anymore. A couple of very nice experience have happened to me of late and have given me hope for a much more exciting time ahead. Hope everyone is feeling a bit better. Do you think it is easier now that the festive season is out of the way? All that sentimentality is just too much to take when you are trying to survive a broken relationship. Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 12 months ago? if i could turn back the clock, i would have finished things with my ex - no doubt about it!! i wish i coud travel back in time b/c i never would have got involved with him. it wasn't worth it for the pain it's caused me. (oh, blue boy i am assuming you mean turn back time with the benefit of hindsight? otherwise, like newby i prob would have plodded on, unaware of what was to come... SIGH). newby, you sound in better spirits - what's your secret? you seem to be progressing at a rate of knots considering it's all relatively 'new'! you're making me feel bad that i'm still struggling... think we've lost warmastoast, gang!! Link to comment
newby Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 I seriously wonder if I have developed bipolar disorder. I am high a kite one minute and then in the depths of dispair. Fortunately I posted last time on a high. Still feeling OK but watch this space. I read a site the other day and I have tried to find it again and failed but it was very interesting. It gave a formula for the time it would take to recover from a broken relationship, interestingly the score I got indicated that it would not take as long to recover as some shorter relationships might. The questions it asked made me realise I had an unhappy marriage even though I was in some denial about it. I still feel hurt and angry, betrayed and depressed, but I also feel free. I may seem to be progressing well but remember my husband was making my life miserable for a long time before I discovered this affair. In many ways it is a relief not to be living with him now that I have come to terms with the loss. I have also cemented a very good friendship over the past while and that person has given me food for thought and very wise counsel. Has made me look at the bigger picture. I still feel so much pain but I am trying to keep it at bay and think of the positives. Link to comment
newby Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 The bipolar disorder has taken a dive again. feeling a bit low again. Tired of the feeling of dread I continually have in the pit of my stomach. Trying very hard to stay positive but still can feel overwhelmed by it all. I dont want to become bitter and twisted over all this but the anger is soul destroying. On the twelve month theme - Where do you see yourselves in 12 months time? Warmastoast hope you are OK. Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 On a warm beach sipping an expensive cocktail Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 hey newby, dont want to become bitter and twisted over all this but the anger is soul destroying. welcome to my world!! hahahaha. look at this way, it would be FAR worse if you didn't feel angry. take (SMALL) comfort from the fact what you are feeling is entirely NATURAL, so try and just go with it. any chance you can go swimming, or do some activity to physically tire yourself out? i find that helps a LOT with the anger. failing that, you coud try beating pillows/cushions, but that always feels a bit too wimpy for me... oh, read this from yr previous thread -I have also cemented a very good friendship over the past while and that person has given me food for thought and very wise counsel. care to share? it kills me our exes aren't going thru any of this!!! it's not right that we should suffer for their shortcomings (grrrr). guess the only consolation is they've got plenty of bad karma to look forward to... Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 karma karma karma - I have never seen evidence of this karma - we will lose touch with our lovers and we won't even find out what happens to them ! sorry - it is the venting hour again ! newby - we are all here to give you wise counsel and help you, the anger is difficult to deal with - lgirl is the expert in these matters ! Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 blue boy - that's the whole point - you can't know whether yr ex gets the karma she's due - unless you hear from someone about her. the point is it happens over time - events unfold over the period of a lifetime with some people. what's that old chinese saying? something along the lines of, "if you wait at the foot of the river long enough, you will see the bodies of yr enemies float by..." hope this definition helps - karma: "for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.) thereforeeee, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them. Let's take an example of a sequence of events. An unpleasant sensation occurs. A thought arises that the source of the unpleasantness was a person. (This thought is a delusion; any decisions based upon it will thereforeeee be unskillful.) A thought arises that some past sensations of unpleasantness issued from this same person. (This thought is a further delusion.) This is followed by a willful decision to speak words that will produce an unpleasant sensation in that which is perceived as a person. (This decision is an act of hostility. Of all the events described so far, only this is called a karma.) Words are carefully chosen in the hopes that when heard they will cause pain. The words are pronounced aloud. (This is the execution of the decision to be hostile. It may also be classed as a kind of karma, although technically it is an after-karma.) There is a visual sensation of a furrowed brow and downturned mouth. The thought arises that the other person's face is frowning. The thought arises that the other person's feelings were hurt. There is a fleeting joyful feeling of success in knowing that one has scored a damaging verbal blow. Eventually (perhaps much later) there is an unpleasant sensation of regret, perhaps taking the form of a sensation of fear that the perceived enemy may retaliate, or perhaps taking the form of remorse on having acted impetuously, like an immature child, and hoping that no one will remember this childish action. (This regret or fear is the unpleasant ripening of the karma, the unskillful decision to inflict pain through words.)" am rather pinning my hopes on it... Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 Thank you lgirl - I feel 'calmer' now ! Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 I think it's all over ! (apart from the pain and the scars and the loss of self-confidence and the memories and the sleepless nights and the angst and the questions) Link to comment
newby Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Glad your moving on Blue Boy. The pain will ease, the scars will heal, the confidence will return, you will sleep well again. The memories will stay but they will cause less angst. Chin up! Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 hahaha, newby, i think Blue Boy was being sarcastic!! i hope the memories disappear altogether - it's like remembering a terrible accident. anyone know where i can get a lobotomy? ho ho (hollow laugh) Link to comment
newby Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I thinks so too. He is too clever for me. Sharp. Somehow I think things will get better soon. I think we will meet some nice kind people that will make us feel good and positive again. I am always the dreamer. Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 i admire your attitude newby - i really think it's great you're os positive after the crap you've just been thru. just wish i felt optimistic... Link to comment
blue boy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Well, it's only appropriate I end this thread as I started it ! Something of a microcosm of many relationships (but nort mine !!) Everybody started off feeling positive and full of energy. Developed into warm friendship with precious words and funny little asides. The occasional flirt with jealousy and infidelity as other members briefly came in to air their words; and finally a gradual process of less and less communication !! At least we haven't ended up hating each other ! No, to be serious everybody who has contributed to this thread has been excellent and I would like to thank you warmly. I am flying off for my sex change tomorrow so wish me well - think they have space for a lobotomy as well lgirl !! - "So there it was - merry christmas...." Charlotte Link to comment
lgirl Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 will you pack it in with the Charlotte business!! hahahaha. why you think changing yr gender would make yr life easier i don't know!! in fact, you'd be making yr life harder. how much are they charging for the lobotomy? (is this your last post? surely not!!) Link to comment
newby Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 This is the first time I have posted for a while and the reason for that is that I feel so much better. This is a wonderful website for those of us who have to deal with terrible heartbreak and betrayal. It is not always easy to speak to your nearest and dearest about these things but there is always this website to listen to your woes and offer support and advice. I have had less need to post messages. Started to heal a bit, . I wanted to post this message for the people who have helped me reach this stage through posts and PM’s and for anyone who is at the horrible stage I was a few weeks ago. I was so sad, depressed, bewildered, destroyed and damaged I thought I would never be happy again. I read back through our posts and found them quite emotional and heartrending to read, but there is a subtle shift in the tone of the contributions. I think we all healed a little bit. I think we all supported each other through the nightmare of Christmas and New Year, and have all come out the other side stronger and wiser. (a bit battered emotionally maybe) but stronger . Just wanted to thank everyone. Blue Boy, well done on such a powerful and emotive thread. You changed things for me for sure and I will always appreciate your kindness and strength.. (Forget the sex change - please)!! Unless of course that is your thing!! Lgirl, your advice was wonderful, witty, clever and insightful. Stay positive. Punch like Ali remember. Go for it. Link to comment
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