how do you know when its over?

[kimberleeaa]

When I first met my boyfriend things were so great. We loved eachother almost immediately and he was so romantic, I was so sweet, we talked about getting married. yada yada yada. It was a whirlwin. Now I feel myself not trusting him , having doubts, and wondering what is going to happen with us. He has an ex wife and two kids, and sometimes that makes me feel jealous. He tells me that all that remains from the past is the kids and that he married her because he got her pregnaunt. He tells me that I am the only one.... but how can I ever truley feel that way when i am constantly reminded everyday? Now things have taken an ugly turn, and I am not sure how either one of us feels. I have this insecurity that he wants his ex wife back, and he has an insecurity that I will leave because of his kids. Sometimes I feel like he loves me and other times I am not so sure. He used to tell me that he wanted to get married and now he says he is not so sure. That sucks! its like we are going backwards not forwards. I want to remedy it but I am not sure how. then sometimes I am like what is the point things shouldn't be this hard or this confusing. maybe it is just better that we end things the sooner the better. please help

[secret_agent_man]

I'm sorry to hear of your distress, and I wish everyone involved the best. Take a minute to step back and REALLY figure out why you don't trust him. Has he done anything else to make you feel that way? If the old family is what worries you, put it behind you. If you have trust in him, let it go.

 

You really have to look at it from his side. Talking is the best way to do this. I can't stress "communication" enough. You have to let him know that you WON'T leave because of the kids. And I'm sure he will tell you that he doesn't want to go back to his ex. When you let things pile up in your head, you tend to blow things out of proportion.

 

Just remember, if you love him and you want him to love you, you have to keep the communication lines open, ALWAYS. DON'T hold ANYTHING back, even if it seems small, it can add up to a LOT more in your head!

 

Hope this is a little bit of a help....

[SAS]

 

 

 

 

Communication is important and that is what you both need but take it slow and it will workout nicely. . .

[charmed]

Hi There Kimberleeaa and welcome to the forum

 

I understand that you must be feeling very confused now about where you stand in your relationship.

 

I understand that your insecurities that you have for your partner are complicated by the fact that he sees his ex-wife but not that he is with his ex-wife. It is only fair for his children that he sees her and that they get on positively. If they do, that is only healthy. You seem not to believe that he married her because she was pregnant? Why is that so hard to believe - it happens every day in western societies. That is life, and social pressure. Unless he gave you reason to not believe, he is probably telling the truth.

 

This guy has been married before, and he is bound to be more cautious about marrying again since the first one dodn't work out. If you show him your insecurities and doubt, he will back off. He's not looking to marry you and move onto number three by the sounds of things, so I guess you are lucky that he is not stupid.

 

Question your insecutiries and why you feel them. Why do you not trust him, and is there any solid basis for not trusting him?

 

Get your head straight about this, and talk to him. If you need help straightening your ideas, we can help you on the board. Talking it over and getting ideas about what is going on.

 

You need to think about yourself here. You need to be happy and 100% happy when you are getting married - he knows that. You should be working to get that together!! You'll do fine, just don't drive him away with the uncertainty - he is looking for stability right now.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Charmed.

[kimberleeaa]

i appreciate your replies. I think it does have something to do with the fact that the ex will always be in his lifethat is really hard for me to deal with. i just want to wake up and feel good about our relationship. I am sick of wondering and thinking the worst.

[lady_android]

Girl I think that all may be a challenge for you two, how much you love each other and how strong is your relationship. And you must also decide whether you want to enter in that kind of situation and if you can handle it that way..if you choose to stick to your commitment with him then just accept everything about him, the ex-wife, the kids etc. And know what's in his mind if he really wanted to be with you forever. You wouldn't want what had happened to his wife and you wouldn't to get a divoce too do ya? im sure that you would to have a nice family of your own someday right?

 

peace out!

[charmed]

You don't need to worry that the ex is in his life - you need to get comfortable with that. If his ex were not in his life, his kids would possibly be more miserable, and thereforeeeeee so would he. You really need to get comfortable with the situation. I don't think that you need to feel threatened by their relationship. Unless you think he is stupid, he left her for a good reason I'm sure and he is going to stick to that.

 

Learn to understand the nature of their relationship - and why it must exist for everyones better Then you can get comfortable with it.

[secret_agent_man]

Learn to understand the nature of their relationship - and why it must exist for everyones better Then you can get comfortable with it.

 

Perfect quote. Couldn't have said it any better.

 

Remember that one, Kim...

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