Want To Ask Out This Chinese Woman

[usdaprime]

Hello I need some advice on a beautiful Chinese woman I want to go out with. I go into the resturant were she works all the time. We never spoke to each other, well one day she asked me were I work. A week or so later I got the courage to talk to her. I just said "How are you today." She smiled said she was OK then she just stared at me with the Deer in the headlights look. I was kind of in shock and confused why she had that look. I then thought of something else to say to her then she warmed up spoke to me and was smiling at me alot. One point during the chatting she must of given me a look or was staring into my eyes because all of a sudden I got this funny feeling and all I remember at that point all I saw was her face, it was like her face was the only thing in the room. I got done talking and said I will see you later and started to walk away. She then says loudly almost yelling Have A Nice Day. I left and thought wow that went alot better than I expected. Because she seems like she is not a very friendly person or just shy. Anyway I think ok so now we sort of know each other and we will talk everytime I see her. The next day I go in there I am expecting her to be all friendly and speak to me but she did not all she did was told me how much I owed and that was it. I was surprised and confused why she does not speak now.

 

Does it any of this make any sense? Thanks So Much

[LostInMyThoughts]

It could be a lot of things.

 

She might have gotten in trouble, by the boss for being too chatty with customers.

 

The next time you get into a conversation with her, ask her when she gets off work, and then try and set something up, cuz it sounds like you won't have much luck with day to day conversations. Try to be respectful of the fact that her talking with you might get her into more trouble.

 

One thing to throw into the mix, waitresses are often friendly with single male customers to get larger tips. It doesn't sound like this is the case, but just throwing it out there.

[PocoDiablo]

Dude, you blew it. Sorry to be harsh, but let me give you some details...

 

one day she asked me were I work.

When a woman asks you a personal question it is because she is interested in getting to know you better. This is a HUGE sign that you need to consider asking her out.

 

A week or so later I got the courage to talk to her.

Okay, so the response time here is a little slow, but assuming you did not come in every day between these two encounters that is okay. However, if you DID come back in and did not talk to her, then you basically insulted her. You told her "You're too ugly/dumb/stupid for me to talk to, or you are beneath me because you work in a restaurant." That's not a good thing to do, is it?

 

I just said "How are you today." She smiled said she was OK then she just stared at me with the Deer in the headlights look. I was kind of in shock and confused why she had that look. I then thought of something else to say to her then she warmed up spoke to me and was smiling at me alot. One point during the chatting she must of given me a look or was staring into my eyes because all of a sudden I got this funny feeling and all I remember at that point all I saw was her face, it was like her face was the only thing in the room.

Both (bolded) are HUGE signs that you needed to ask her on a date. After you made your small talk, you should have said "Hey, you know you seem like you might be an okay person. How would you like to go out some time?" If she agrees, then get her phone number. Then tell her "Great, I'll call you." Don't say when, don't say where. Go home and then do NOT go to the restaurant for the next week. Call her in 3-4 days and ask her if she wants to go out for a coffee (not alcohol for Asian women!) and get to know each other better.

 

I got done talking and said I will see you later and started to walk away. She then says loudly almost yelling Have A Nice Day. I left and thought wow that went alot better than I expected.

Except she was expecting you to come back and ask her out, so in reality it went a lot worse for her - and now for you.

 

Because she seems like she is not a very friendly person or just shy.

No, she just doesn't like every customer who hits on her. You, by virtue of not hitting on her, are DIFFERENT and a CHALLENGE which made you more attractive. For a few moments, anyway.

 

Anyway I think ok so now we sort of know each other and we will talk everytime I see her. The next day I go in there I am expecting her to be all friendly and speak to me but she did not all she did was told me how much I owed and that was it. I was surprised and confused why she does not speak now.

Because you totally blew her off. She thinks you don't like her, you are married, you are gay, or any other number of things. Otherwise, if you had liked her, you would have asked her out like every other guy who has tried before you.

 

Now here is something to think about. You COULD save this if you wanted to. You, however, need to treat her like you know her. You need to say something like "Hey, you seemed so nice the other day that I thought I might come back and ask you on a date with me. But today, I dunno... (smile at her here) today you seem to be a different person. Do you have a twin sister or something? Was she the one who was being nice to me the other day? Can you give me her phone number so I can call her and ask her out on a date... (wink)" then just stand there and see what happens. You want a phone number here.... make it clear ... don't walk away. Let her talk. Go with the flow. And do NOT apologize or supplicate yourself in ANY way. Act like you have done this all on purpose, that you are testing her to see if she meets your STANDARDS. After all, you don't date just anyone! You want to play a little game, have a little fun, be a little flirt. Remember, she COULD be having a bad day. She could also be insulted. Either way, it's CLEAR she likes you and it's CLEAR you need to ask her out. If you DO ask her out I bet she'll be very happy!

 

Now, of course, she could be so put out that she says no or (more likely) comes up with an excuse ("The boss won't let us date customers" or "I work double shifts" etc.) and that's just fine. You should have learned from this lesson that you can't pusy-foot around when it comes to women. You either like her and ask her out or you don't like her and she's going to be hurt.

 

So, what are you doing for lunch? If I give you a few bucks will you get me some take-out?

[Markers]

it's pointless to get overly negative about it like "oh man I blew my chances because I didn't apply to the rule of asking her out in X number of seconds after meeting her..." and then you definitely will NOT do anything about it and you ARE gonna lose your chance altogether. Rather think: "Maybe I blew it but I don't care, I will go find out. After all - she liked me then, the reasons why she liked me are still present, and the ONLY thing why she would have stopped liking me is that I MAYBE insulted her by not asking her out. Wouldn't it kinda fix the problem if I ask her out.."

 

right yeah it would, if I was her, it would for sure. Don't waste your chances, do it.

[BellaDonna]

The next day I go in there I am expecting her to be all friendly and speak to me but she did not all she did was told me how much I owed and that was it. I was surprised and confused why she does not speak now.

 

Maybe she was testing you, and in her mind wanted YOU to start a conversation, and was wondering the same exact thing....

 

 

BellaDonna

[babycristy456]

Hey, I just got this really funny idea (farfetched, but possible!).......Maybe she has a twin

 

Well, don't get too bummed out about it, you should ask her out on a date or have a real conversation with her. A one-time-friendly-day won't convince her to be ultra charming to you.

[ocrob]

So many thoughts came to me while reading your message. Why was it important to say she is Chinese? I ask because I am caucasion and my ex is Korean. I am wondering if you both might have different cultural up bringings. Your situation is very hard to read. I come accross so many women at my local restaurants and bars that I want to ask out. Usually, they are really nice, but there is no way to know if there is interest. I get my haircut at this place and I really thought the woman liked me and asked her out. I got denied. Yesterday, I gave this woman that I always flirt with at a restaurant I go to my number on a napkin. I have not heard from her yet and will probably not. It is pretty hard to get a read on women in the work place because we all have to be nice. I went to the doctor yesterday and there was a woman that works there that was smiling at me. I wanted to ask her out so badly, but I did not want to put her on the spot. Maybe you should find out if this woman is single. Then maybe you can hand deliver a card for her to read later saying that you would love to take her out, if it was appropriate. Wow, I think that I may just do that myself with the girl at the doctors office.

[uninhibited]

Is it just me or does the whole idea of hitting on waitresses and receptionists and other women at their work seem inappropriate. I mean, when you think of how many people of the opposite sex these women must see everyday, with exactly the same idea in mind... all i'm saying is that first, a woman at work doesn't necessarily have dating/sex/men etc. on her mind, she has work on her mind. Second, if she gets hit on all the time at work she could be sick of it or numb to it which could distort her view of someone she might like outside of work because they are just coming up to her as "another horny customer".

 

Now i'm not saying i'm 100%, or even 50% right here, but it seems like when men try to hit on waitresses or receptionists they are just smitten with the fact that a women is right there in front of them. At a party, and just in general, getting the woman to notice you and listen is a large part of it, right? But these "work meetings" are like shortcuts when the woman notices you because she has to - remember its her job. Perhaps there's a more appropriate time and place for all of this socializing.

 

I'm not trying to burst your bubble usdaprime, I just wanted to give another viewpoint. Since you're feelings seem strong and genuine, there's no point in stopping now.

[usdaprime]

Hello Thanks for the replies. The reason why I mentioned she is Chinese is because I assume they act differently due to them being from a different culture. Hmm the part about talking to her in the workplace is interesting. I thought that would be ok because I am a customer etc. I must have a really laid back job because we talk all the time without anybody saying anything although my mom has told me we get away with murder at my job . When would a appropriate time be since I only see her at work and don't know her at all outside of her work.

 

Is everybody saying that they think she was just being friendly? The reasons why I thought differently I was standing outside of my work one day and I had that feeling somebody was looking at me and I looked up and saw her looking at me, then she looked away once I looked at her. Then she did it all over again. When I go in there she will not look at me but when i am getting my food i see her watching me. Also when I did get the nerve to talk to her she was staring at me and seemed to be alot more friendly than a normal person would plus she just about yells "HAVE A NICE DAY" I never had it yelled to me. Thanks Again

[Markers]

It's useless to worry over "what does this and this and this means", because you can find out by asking her out. I'd suggest you to do it, if she had this "deer in headlights" look, she's interested at least to some extent. No matter what you did - life is something more than "if you don't ask her out in first meeting, you're done" -rules. While they may be valid for some people, they definitely are not for everyone. At least not for me, I got that confirmed today. Don't get discouraged, ask her out. Not like anyone can guarantee you 100% success, but by asking you have more than the 0% chance which you have if you get discouraged and do NOT ask her. Live your life and go for it.

[volution]

Remember, she is a woman first, Chinese second...

Don't assume anything! And don't fall into the traps of saying stuff like "Do you like Chinese food?" - it's easier than you might think!

 

BTW - she probably might get interest all the time if she is pretty, so unless you are good at holding your words and not afraid to take a chance, you don't have much of a chance...

 

Good luck, though...

[ShySoul]

It's useless to worry over "what does this and this and this means", because you can find out by asking her out. I'd suggest you to do it, if she had this "deer in headlights" look, she's interested at least to some extent. No matter what you did - life is something more than "if you don't ask her out in first meeting, you're done" -rules

 

Agreed. I believe a saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, try again. Contrary to what some people would advise, you don't need to follow step by step guidelines, and if you deviate in the slightest that doesn't mean you have ruined your chances.

 

I take it you still see her regularly? Then when you go there try and make conversation with her. Joke around. Be friendly. Get comfortable with each other. Then ask her out.

[ShySoul]

Sigh...

 

What is it with people making jokes about what Chinese people eat? I hear it all the time. People, its not funny...... it's really rather disturbing.