Need communicating tips....

[sayer7]

Whenever my bf and I talk we get into misunderstandings and wind up arguing over things.

 

I took my state insurance adjuster's license test today and I believe I passed it by state requirements, but I don't know if I will be fully hired by the company that paid for my training. Originally I was to get 3 chances to pass the test, and if I passed I would be hired. But this Monday one of my bosses was reading an email over my shoulder that my bf sent which contained the words F*CK, SL*T, and A$$ (it was a "fun"group email to all of his friends pertaining to an upcoming vacation), and my boss went haywire about how such language shouldn't be used on network computers for professional use. Mind you, I didn't know the email would contain that language when I opened it, and I wasn't the one using that kind of language. I wound up in a private meeting with all my bosses and I was basically told that if I didn't pass the state adjuster's exam today I wouldn't be invited back, but I was also told that even if I did pass, they would make the final decision as to whether they would hire me fully or not. So basically, I may pass, but I may not get hired- and if I do get hired... I'll be on the bad side of my bosses to begin with.

 

My bf was of course upset that his email had caused so much trouble and he was very apologetic... but when we were talking about how the exam went tonight over the phone, and whether I would be hired full-time or not-- I had trouble explaining that even if I did pass the exam, I may not get hired. I know I glossed over these things because I didn't feel like telling him EVERYTHING my bosses had said to me in the meeting. So that's partially my fault for not telling him EVERYTHING as fully as he liked or was needed. My bf likes to know EVERYTHING which is fine except I know when he knows EVERYTHING he finds something to challenge me with and then we argue over it-- so that's why I started to gloss over things a few months ago.

 

My boyfriend couldn't understand that even if I did pass I may not be hired. He kept asking if I passed, and I kept saying "I might've, but even if I did I may not be hired." He kept getting upset that I was giving him "such a vague answer" and he kept asking "Well did you pass or not?!" and i kept saying" I might've I dunno.". We argued about how vague I was being for 15 minutes and he kept saying "All I want to know was if you passed or not." I told him..."Maybe by the state standards, but probably barely passing... and even if I did pass I may not get hired." He kept arguing "If you passed by the state standards then you passed, and you'll get hired." And yes that's true, but I was trying to tell him that I may not get hired by THIS company because of what happened with the email and I don't know if other insurance companies go simply by whether you passed or what your particular score was in their hiring process(not just that you passed- pure ignorance on my part).-- Simple concepts... except we had to argue over it for a half hour. I coudn't wait to get off the phone with him.

 

Am I being too vague? Am I being too confusing? How do I make communication more comfortable and flow better? The weird thing is that when he's been drinking and he has a buzz we have great conversations... he doesn't challenge everything I say and we don't get all defensive...we understand each other and we feel like friends. How do we keep both of our defenses down so we can have quality communication and don't feel like we're enemies trying to 'win' arguments?

[Baffler Meal]

My thoughts on this post:

 

1. Your BF should know better than to send that to someone at work.

 

2. Your boss is a jerk. I know- it's redundant. He sounds like he's on a big power trip 'cause he is in charge of insurance adjuster testing. Big whoop. I would imagine that there is some pretty harsh language in the world of insurace adjusting. I would have just told you to not open email from that person again. Better yet, they should just make a no personal email rule. Then again, I would probably show Glengary Glen Ross as a training video if I were a boss at a christiain charity fundraiser.

 

3. No offense but it sounds like your boyfriend is the type of person you have to go reeeaaaalll sloooooooooow with. When you explain something to him visualize building a pyramid the background at the bottom and the main idea you want to express at the top. Build each level and verify he gets it one piece at a time.

 

4. It could just be your pace and inflection. I had a brief stint at a call center once and I was good. Here's why-it sounds too simple to be true but it works. Always speak at the same pace as the person you are trying to share information with. I would even imitate the voices of the men who called. I would also push my voice deep like a radio announcer. I guess a woman would want to try to imitate the AT&T woman. She wrote a book about the voice that is suppossed to be good but I have yet to read it.

 

5. If I were you I would be more worried about getting that job than your communication skills right now. Good luck.

[Alien777]

I think the fact that your boss saw that email was the perfect ammunition for them - dont be surprised if u dont get the job. But how can you have control over the language someone sends u in an email - they dont have filters on their email server for emails with foul language.

I think your b/f needs a few things explained to him - I seriously doubt if you need basic communication tips...

- 0X