"Question for SuperDave and Anybody Else"

[Regretfulman]

Hey mun, i was that guy, i wanted the dating and fun without strings, after 1 year she dumped me and moved onto someone else right away. Now i realize that i had strong feelings for her, but it is too late. I would give anything for another shot with her, i messed up big time. The only thing i can do is hope that this new relationship fizzles out, but in the meantime, im going to move on

[7out102]

Mun-

 

Thanks again for your reply. To answer your question I would love to know what happened and went wrong. Why she had a change of heat if thats what happened and why she went to such great lengths to make it a POINT to be in my life again. She has had no contact with me for about a month now. It hurts and it saddens me deeply Mun. There is so much confusion and I ask my self everyday "what went wrong, what did I do" I sent her a B-day on her bday but no reply. Not even a text saying thanks. Do you think that even if she got back with an ex that it would be too much to ask for her to say thanks. What do you think is the reason for that? Thats just being mean and I cant ubderstand it unless she hates me. Im started to think that but she has absolutely no reason too.

 

Anyways Yes I do wanna conatct and her and ask her what went wrong and why she did what she did to me. However I just feel that she might not even know herself. Let me ask you, from a females perspective. My ex just turned 24, do you think deep down she knows what she wants or could she just be confused. thanks again Mun, Take Care

[Mun]

Hey 7out, I don't know what could have happened...it could be so many things. At 24 she is really young and maybe wants to experience dating out there a bit more...and well, she already knows you, already knows how you feel about her...it's not "exciting " with you anymore, but that's just a guess.

 

I'd say don't bother contacting her again. She's probably uncomfortable with how things went and doesn't want to hurt you anymore.

 

I don't want to give you false hope, but if she were to contact you again...you should take things really slow. Let her put herself on the line and don't give away too much about what you're feeling... until she does. Maybe that's the lesson to be learned here... What if you had just enjoyed the moment and let things happen on their own? ....hindsight is so 20/20....

 

Regretfulman...I know what you're saying. I heard similar words to those from this guy...ah well.

[7out102]

Mun-

 

I know the thought that I went with everything too fast and maybe thats why things turned out like they did kills me. It has been so hard the last couple days for me. I have no Holiday spirit whatsoever. I cant bear to go to the malls and shop. All i wanna do is go to sleep for like 5 days until its all over, you know? I wish that I would have handled things differently with her, took things a little slower. i wonder that if i hadn't shown so much emotion that maybe things would have been different with us. I screwed things up before with my insecurity and i hope that this time wasnt my fault too. I still dont know how you can falt out ignore someone when they send you a Bday card. She always told me that it amazed her how I could still care so much to do that for her. Well so i send one and she just ignores me. Why would that be Mun? Its weird because when I left things seemed ok with us. We had our emotional talk then it was over. We ended up watching a movie together and going to dinner and it was fine. I guess she was just pretending bc now she wants nothing at all to do with me.

 

Thanks so much Mun for your advice on this. You have stuck with me and been one of the few that have replied to all my post. I keep read SuperDave's threads and they are amazing but it makes me have false hope I think, I dont know. He is an amazing writter thats for sure. I kept hoping he would shed some of that wisdom with me on my issues but I guess he is a busy man.lol.. Anyways thanks for everything Mun and please keep all the advice coming. I know it might seem repetitive but it helps me through this hard time......I do appreciate it very much.

[Mun]

Ah you don't want to go to the malls...they're crowded and you can't get any good parking.

 

Hey, you're welcome, I just hope I'm helping a bit. Superdave says I helped him through his rough times, even though I don't remember--so many posts I'm sure that even if some people don't post on your topic they read it and it helps them out too.

 

One of the toughest things to do is accept that the other person just didn't want the same thing you wanted...it's tough, but it's liberating too. It sets you free to find the one that is looking for the same thing you are.

[7out102]

Mun-

 

To answer your question, yes you are helping me alot. Im just having such a hardtime dealing with this right now. I have had more painfulll days over this girl than the total time we dating. I just wanna know why she came back into my life and left again. I know that she is the only one that has these answers but i need to know. Im afraid that she doesnt even know herself. I remember having to pinch myslef when we started talking again just to make sure it was real. I truly never thought that day would ever come again. Then when she started making it seem that she was interested again i was blown away. Im so mad at myself for getting involved again. The thing is that I know that i cant do a LDR relationship again, i just cant hang with that. However at the sametime I love her so much. Im just very lonely right now. Everybody says that thy gurantee that she will pop back into my life to probably just mess with me again. I just wish that she would acknowledge things like the card on her Bday or text me a Merry Xmas, you know? I mean if you had a ex that there was no hard feelings would you acknowledge him, just curious?

 

It does hurt that obviously she doesnt want what I want, but then why the hell did she decide to freakin call me after all this time. Its like she knew that i was pretty much over her, then she sucked me right back in. Mun, do you think that this girl hates me so she doesnt care that she hurt me? Or do you think she knows that she screwed up by doing all that she did and thats why she is so cold to me?

 

What do I do here? Im thinking that maybe talking to a therapist might help me, not sure? Anyways please do stick around to help me through this and if i can help you at all, I will. Thanks

[Mun]

That is really a sweet offer 7out and I just might take you up on it at the right time.

Listen, talking to a therapist is not a bad idea, if you think it will help you then go for it. You might be obsessed with her too at this point...ya never know. In any case, good luck with this.

 

I know how you feel, I've had an ex start calling and then go from hot to cold. It's frustrating and just plain said. You feel like you're getting jerked around and the only way to stop it is to stop caring...it takes awhile though. You have to get angry first....then you have to forgive them. Anyway, it's just too much drama...I've resolved to let go of dramas in my life.

 

I hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

[7out102]

Mun-

 

Thank you for your reply. I will definitely be there to help you out when you need it and the time is right. You said that you had a ex do that to you before, start calling and jerking you around, so I guess you kinda now what im going through. I have heard of ex's start callin before and it has happened to some people I know as well. However I have never heard of my an ex taking it as far as mine did, just to be shut out in the end. You know what I mean with the gifts, pics of us, cards, half naked pictures of her, etc... I mean that crap went on for two months before i went out and saw her.

 

I have tried to get mad at her for this and stop caring but i jus cant. She will definatley be that person that leaves footprints in your heart. I will always love her and miss. Although I doubt she feels the same, I will always care about her. I have done complete NC since the trip. I did sent her a bday card but that was it. I screwed up tough bc I guess she was still on my email list and I have been forwarding emails to her along with all my friends. So the other day i get a reply email from her asking me in a joking way why i sent her that email that it was gross. Although it was contact from her, it was meaningless but it was a setback, you know? Does that make any sense to you or am I just screwed up? She has ignored me since i got back, ignored her bday card but decides to reply to a email.

 

Oh well im just trying to move on. The holidays are tough but I will hang in there. i keep thinking of her all happy with some new guy for the holidays, it kills me. I know those are stupid thoughts bc i dont know whats going on with her. I will be working on christmas so it will be better than sitting at home. Thanks again Mun for all your help and I hope you have a great happy Xmas!!!!!!!

[7out102]

hey everyone-

 

I didnt get my xmas wish but i hope some of you going through heartache did. Hope you all had a great holiday....

[Mun]

Had a great Xmas...now looking forward to the New Year celebration.

 

Get out there and have some fun 7out...enjoy!

[7out102]

Mun and everybody else-

 

Just wanted to wish you all a great, happy New Year. I guess i wanted my ex to contact me for my xmas wish and I got it but late. On New Years day she sent me a text wishing me a happy new year and was sorry that she forget to mail me the stuff i left at her house. She told me that she was sure that she did mail it but she did not. To me it was just an excuse to contact me. Then she apoligized for being short with me in a email last week. It was great to hear from her but why did she have to contact me. I think somebody would remember if they went to the post office to mail something, dont you? Like I said i think it was just an excuse to contact me. Anyways it was a step in the wrong direction even though we didnt talk on the phone, you know what I mean????

[7out102]

Aminae7-

 

First off thank you for your reply. Im sorry to hear that you went through a similair situation, it sucks!!! I wish I knew exactly why my ex did this to me. Maybe it was exaztly what you said. I have such mixed emotions. At times I feel that she maybe got dumped by some guy and was heartbroken so she came running to me, bc she knew that I most likely still loved her, like I do. It hurts so bad to think that but who knows? Then maybe she was having issues like you said and wanted the thrill of the chase. Then stupid me being a fool inlove goes to see her and it was like she did a 180 on me. Im hurting so bad right now. Im sure because she recently conatcted me via text message so it was a step back for me. Aminae7, we dated for only a year and it has taken me so long to get over her. Just when I was doing ok she popped back into my life. It wasnt for a short time either. Before I went to visit her, we had been talking everyday, several times a day for 2 months. The problem is that i had no closure from her and I still dont. Although everyone knocks me for what im about to say, I need to know why she did this to me, why the hell she came back into my life?

 

I mean what kind of person does what my ex did to me? I know that she knows that I still am vey much inlove with her, im mean she has too. Never once did she make it seem that she was not interested or told me that "she doesnt want anything from this"etc.. Then why did she have to text me on New Years. She had ignored me since I visited her then she had to send me that stupid text about the stuff I left at her place. I know it means nothing but it makes all those feelings come back. This girl occupiers my thoughts 24/7 and she has been for the last 2 years. What do I do? Is it normal or is she just going to be the one that I never get over. So let me ask you, ask far as the closure I need, how do I get that. Do i call her and ask her to0 talk to me, write her a letter, send her a email. What do I do? Thanks again for your help.

[Mun]

Don't write her any letters, she already knows she hurt you. You might regret putting yourself out like that. There is probably no answer that will satisfy you anyway. What would make this ok?

 

If it helps you to see her as a mean person for playing with your feelings then do that. Use it to get angry and move on.

[rndy]

7out WOW!!! I had the exact same thing just happened to me 4 days ago. Here's the stats:

 

Were together for 10 years married for 2

 

separated 1 1/2 years ago

 

no contact or havent spoke the last 10 months

 

send her email looking for her new address (had to serve divorce papers)

 

emails me back

 

starts messenging me, phone calls start, comes to the new city i live in numerous times kissing sleeping together

 

tells me she wants to stay married is very happy makes all sorts of plans for the future we had a very good xmas

 

calls me past tuesday after telling me the day before how much she loves me and says she doesnt know whst she wants because she'll disappoint her friends and familly if she stays married to me after being away from me for so long.

 

Never heard from her in the last 4 days!!

[7out102]

Mun-

 

Hey its been awhile and thank u for replying. Hope you had a great xmas and a happy new year. It has been a tough couple days since my ex sent me that text. Then like i idiot i sent her one today and ofcourse she ignored me. Why did she even have to say anything to me at all. I miss this girl so much Mun, so very much. I feel like I will never get over her. It scares me but im beggining to think that I am codependent on her. What do i do? I think about her 24/7 and it was a girl that I havnt been with in almost two years.

 

Aminae-

 

Well if you read my reply to Mun you will see that i did text her back. The first time she responded right away and then today I got no reply. I am hurting so bad right now bc i cant understand why she did this to me. I was a great BF to her and treated her like a princess the she turned around and did this to me. You are right she is not being nice but I still love her after all of this, i love her so much. Could I possibly be codependent with this girl. I mean she fricken consumes me and its killing me inside, what do I do?

 

 

R@ndy-

 

Im sorry to hear that you are going through what i am. It sucks and I dont know how to deal with it. Crap man you were with her for ten years, it must be really hard. Why did our exes do that to us, i wish I had the answers. I never thought that I would hear from her again and when she came back into my life I thought I was getting my second chance, i truly did. I was almost a year and a half into getting over her when she came back. Then i went through all I did with her and my heart is left in a million pieces. Why did you two break up? You said that you had no contact at all in 10 months?

[rndy]

We split due to an infedelity of mine. It only happened one night but it did happen. We were in a very tough spot in our marriage (she was easily controlled by her father and friends and I felt I had no say anymore) to be honest even if there was no cheating I dont know how long it would have lasted.

I spent many months trying to fix the problems and finally she asked me to come back home. Everything was great for about 10 days and then she asked me to leave. She refused to speak with me or see me for 1 year.

 

When this happened I moved 150kms away to a bigger city with more oppertunity and to remove myself from the situation as I was taking it very hard. I did a ton of therapy figured out a lot and changed myself for the better. I got a great job with a great salary and all the perks and felt very good about how my life was turning out for the better.

 

I decided to file for the divorce to clean up that whole lingering matter because I felt I was ready to carry on a new relationship with someone and I f I found the right person, didnt want to carry that into it. Boom! Thats when the emails start and thus the last 3 months together until last week when she dropped her latest bomb.

I understand what happened in our marriage and sought help to change the things that were negative and distructive. I fully understood her reasoons for the seperation and took full responsibilty. Its just I have done so much work to myself and am in a great place in my life now. She has sppent our time apart by living on MSN (something new she never used to use it) talking to strangers, and has gained alot of weight. (I could care a less about that really).

What I dont get is that I can understand her being curious about what has happened since our split, but she didnt have to promise me this and that, assure me to the point that we startsleeping together again and the leave without contact again?

It hurts yes. Not as much as last time. Must be building up immunity. It will not happen a third tim I can garuntee that. My logical thinking says that if shes doing it still we could be together for months and months down the road and she could just decide to leave again.

I think she's insecure and treats the marriage like its a high school relationship. She simply hasnt changed at all. She just pushed all the issues aside or away for a while and made believe that she was ok.

Anyway I am giving her 10 days, as she never really said what she wants to yet and because this is the 5th day without any contact she is convincing me of her answer. Yes she is very cowardly. Then I am filing for the divorce. I dont even know if I will tell her I am, i might just have her served. I am still angry with her for setting my life back once again. I dont hate her but wish no further contact EVER with her after I file. Are you still in any kinda contact with your ex?

[7out102]

R@ndy-

 

Well it looks like you have alot better handle on things than i do, which scares me. You were in a relationship with your women for 10 years and our moving on alot better than I am. I was only in a relationship for a year and I cant seem to get over her. I am not one to preach about infedelity however i have never done it myself. I just know that things in a relationship can make one stray and I understand that. As far as communication goes with my ex, there hasnt been much at all. Since I last saw her back in November there has been no communication except for the most recent couple of texts. The thing is randy is that it seems that she always does a little contact just to keep me on a thread, which works. I have so much going for me in my life and I cant seem to figure out why this one girl that lives away from me has so much impact on my happiness. My ex and i are both young so I think that it has alot to do with our situation together. How do you deal with this crap bc like I said it seems that you have alot better hold on everything than I do?

[7out102]

Animae-

 

Well she broke up with me because I was basically a idiot. I let the demons of a LDR come out and it started to cloud my vision. I trusted her 100 percent however my stupid brain would make up reasons to think other things. Not a day goes by that I have not regretted the way that I acted towards her in the last month of our relationship. I remember when we broke up she told me "That nomatter how much she tried to show me, or what she did for me, it was never enough to prove to me that she wanted to be with me and loved me". Talk about a knife to the gut!!!!! I hated myslef for this because i was so stupid. We didnt talk much at all during the two years we were apart. A phone call from her here and there, then when she sent me that "kinda" love letter back in Feb of last year saying how much she though of me and she was realizing so many things now, etc.... That was it until our most recent contact in Sept, when all of this crap started.

 

I dont know if it is a communication problem or what. I just think that maybe she got dumped or felt lonely so she picked me out of the hat to call up. She knows that I truly loved her and still did do she probably figured that I could make her feel better. This is just a specualtion and I could be wrong. I figured that probably her BF maybe came back and thats why she doesnt need me anymore. All our contact was pretty much by her for the first month. Then it was funny how it was all turned around by her, making me feel that it was stupid and pointless. Who knows what is going on in her life right now. I dont know why she did this and I will probably never know. She is only 24 years old so I dont know if at that age she knows whats she wants. Will we ever live together? I dont know. I guess if the man upstairs plan is to have us be together than it will happen, until then I guess not. I know that I could not do a LDR relationship again nomatter how much i tried, its just too hard. I just truly miss her my friend, I guess thats the problem.

[7out102]

Aminae7-

 

I got all choked up after reading your reply. It is true, i am so full o flove for this girl that i cant be with. She means so very much to me, you have no idea. I guess after being apart for almost two years and I still love her as much as I do, it says something. My love for her is that type that never goes away im afraid. I just wish that she saw it that way. That she saw what a great guy i was and wanted to be with me. I know that she is young and might not even know what she wants but I wish that it was me. All I know is that I treated her well and treated her with the upmost respect. Im sure that she will find another guy that will give ehr whatever she needs. As much as this hurts me inside to think of he with another, i truly want her to be happy. I always told her to never settle for anything but the best.

[rndy]

Dude you could be married for 20 or dating for a year!!!! Love is love!! The situation and my heart feels exacltly the same! Shes done it before to me ! All i want is to continue with her but she is making me numb ! Dont kid bud, Im in the same boat as you all over again but i have advice!! email removed email me kid we'll figure it out!!

 

Randy

[rndy]

the thing is.....dont put age....its all real feelings!!! I do * * * * !! to be honest but i dont now! Shes 190lbs ( idont care honestly) im very good lookin and doing movies in Canada! I would not trade her for * * * *! Im not dealing with it easier....you never will with the one you truly love! Im actually taking it quite hard... but what can i do ??? I live in a new city ....not so many true friends,,,,,thats for sure but, something great when someting forces you to connect with yourself!!

[7out102]

Aminae7

 

Thank u for sharing your story with me, I do appreciate it. I have a couple questions for you though. What made you conatct him after all that time? What happened during your stay that hurt you? Did you have any contact during those 6 and half years apart? You see i think I told you all that my ex did in the previous post, you might have to read from the beggining. Anyways I just think that my ex was kinda extreme with the way that she lead me on. Did this guy of yours lead you on the same way. Telling you that maybe you are suppose to be together, calling you and teling you that her horoscope for Nov. said that she was suppose to be re-united with an ex from the past, or how about just sending you nudy pics? Gosh I am hurting so bad right now Aminae7. I know that I cant contact her but this whole thing is killing me. My great grandmother told me that when I was little to make a wish when the clock struck 11:11. I used to do this all the time wishing that I would get a second chance with my ex gf. Well after months went by and it never happened, my wish changed to "one day I hope she calls me and when could be friends, and I hope she doesnt hate me". Well so i guess you can imagine why the pain is so bad now, thinking that i was getting not only my wish that she would call but a second chance as well. Im sure one day I will move on but who knows when. Tonight I just got in my car and drove and balled my eyes out. I hope this pain goes away. It sucks when you fall inlove with the wrong person...

[Mun]

There's something about crying when you're driving that makes it so much worst...I've done it. You look ahead and wonder, where could he be right now, what could he be doing....and why does this hurt so bad...

 

Hey you are right, you will move on, but you are still hurting now. Keep thinking of yourself and taking care of yourself. Don't call her, don't message her... let her go away. I can tell you're a sensitive man, with a good heart..you've got to believe that you will make some other lady very happy---this one is just not the one---no matter how many times you wished it.

 

You have to go through the pain in order to come out the other end....keep going and keep your chin up

[7out102]

Mun-

 

Thank you so much for your reply. I know I do hate driving and crying at the sametime. However it is that time where I can let out all my tears and talk to myself. You are right Im a very sensitive loving person. When I love someone as much as I did my ex, I put my all into it to make it work. There is nothing in the world that I would have not done for her. Im so afarid for myslef Mun. Im just afraid that I will be like one of those people that have been so scarred from a relationship that they can never move on and be happy. I have so much going for me in my life at the young age of 25. I have the job of my dreams, make excellant money, etc..but im miserable. Why did my ex have to conatct back on New Years? You knwo sure it sucks to think of her with another and Im sure she is. She is an amazing girl and guys would be lining up at the door to be with her. I just hope that she settles for nothing but the best and is treated like great. My love for her will never die, this I know. It hasnt in 2 years and almost a year and a half of no conatct, this is what scares me the most Mun!!!!

 

 

Aminae7-

 

Yes it hurts deeply that my ex who i truly thought was coming back into my life led me on like she did. Why did she do this? I know that unless I am meant to be with her in the end, I will probably never know. I am so full of love for her it truly is amazing. It is amazing that evn though I have gone through so much with her, my life is still so very strong. If you could have heard how we were over those two months with each other, you would be shocked that we are not back together. Even though it was a year plus with NC, we fell right back into place, never missing a beat. She would call me on her lunch breaks, she would call me to say goodnite, she would call when she woke up, etc... It brings tears to my eyes right now when I think back on how happy I was. I like to think that maybe at the age of 24 she is very confused with what she wants. She has not had the easiest of lives growing up. I try to think this way not for hope but so I dont feel that I was so meaningless to her that she just used me. I still think that she is the one for me but I guess im just jacked up inside. If she was, we would be together right? The love I have for her is the kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night. Its the kind that when things get tough, you can just smile bc you love someone so amazing. Its the love that you hope never goes away and the love that you thank God everyday that you have. Now it is different bc obvioulsy it is just one sided. I miss her so much. The days seem so long and the nights longer. I feel that im going through this break-up all over again. It bugs me that I have to hurt when im sure that she is just doing great and is happy.

[7out102]

Aminae7-

 

Thank you for your reply. I will have to write a long one here in response to your question. I guess in a way there things are similiar except that I was in a relationship with this girl for a year. I would love to tell you more details about myself and the relationship but i get weird sometimes about posting too much on sites. Although I know everyone here is fighting somewhat the same issues, im always afarid that I will leave my computer on for others to see, you know? I have to run off to work right now but if i get a chance tonight I will reply back to your questions, if not for sure tomorrow.