NEED HELP (Wasnt sure where to post this)

[notsurewhattodo]

Hello to all,

 

It seems like an eternity since i wrote here last about me and kim in sioux falls, needless to say that finally ended back in july of 2004, then i returned to south dakota in september 2004.

 

I was reunited briefly with my daughter sierra in october of 2004, but after only seeing her a couple of times kim vanished again.

 

while trying to get my life together i met A WONDERFUL woman named briannan, and although i had feelings for her bri and i would never work out.

 

around december of 2004 i met a special lady on "blah" verizons phone network, and her name is *****, well after E dating with ***** for a couple months i decided to try to start my life again in *****, so i transfered my job there to be with her.

 

when i met **** she wAS STILL LIVING WITH HER GRANDPARENTS AT 25 AND A VIRGIN, AFTER A MONTH OF VERY CAREFUL LOVE AND PROGRESS I MADE LOVE TO HER IN HER BASEMENT, AND SUBSEQEUNTLY CHANGED OUR LIVES.

 

me and ***** now live in ****** in an apartment, we have been together for coming up on a year, and yes i do love her.

 

Heres the problem, i do alot of late night work online and yes i chat with others.

 

While chatting i started talking with *****, now ***** is just 18 and had a son named **** 5 months ago, although i had never seen ***** i was intrigued by her drive and resolve to get things done no matter what.

 

over a couple weeks we spent many nights with me trying to help her fix her pc remotely (as she is in *****) and using the company network i was able to fix most of her problems, and this should have been the end.

 

i dont know how this happened, but one day she turned on her webcam and we were on the phone (i think 4 hours that night) trying to fix it, for when i viewed it it just showed a green light, we finally after a many hours got it to display a picture in green or blue (depending on which way you tilted it)

 

since i couldnt make out ***** features even with the cam, i came to like her for her attitude and personality, not her looks.

 

I will admit that when we were on the cam for the first time she flashed me her breast, and even in the green it was very lovely.

 

I woke her the next day by having phone sex with her while she lay in bed, and i was to find out after that this was her first time doing anything like that. during this time **** had gone away for the weekend and i had the house all to myself (i know how all this sounds and im sorry if it bothers everyone) i cleared my calls list really not thinking anything bad of it, and went about my life.

 

A few days later ***** bought a new camera, and i was busy for the next couple of days so i didnt get to see it, but the anticipation was killing me. during this time i sent her some very risqe pictures of me, and she said they turned her on to no end.

 

one night i finally got to see her cam, i will never even now forget the first sight of her, she had blonde streaked hair, acute little nose and her face was almost a dead twin for kims!!!!!! only younger.

 

I now had a big problem, and that was she was pulling me to her just because how she looked, well to make a long story short the other night we " played" on cam together both of us revealing our inner special parts to the other, and she said after she had never done anytihng like that either.

 

I will add that she has over 80 guys on her friends list, and since i have been in her pc to help her they only want the one thing form her, and she is always having these local guys say they will meet her and then they stand her up, and furthermore her ex that she left after her baby was born is also named ****.

 

all of this is happening while **** sleeps in the other room, and to ultimately complicate matters **** is now trying to come see me, she is talking about a road trip soon, she has no car but she knows people who do and i think she might actaully try to come here.

 

**** has noticed i stoppped touching her and that im awake in this room all night lately, she has said that she wants to go to her mothers for a bit, and that i dont love her anymore, even though she doesnt know about ****.

 

I am faced with real hard decisions, because it looks like unintentionally **** senses that i dont love her, which isnt the truth really i do, its just.....

 

i am finishing my schooling here then me and **** had planned to move back to *** where im originally from, and get married someday, now i am so scared as **** has become the center of my thoughts and **** knows something is wrong, but not what.

 

**** has talked about falling in love (yes it CAN happen, read my posts from last year) over the net with me, and i have told her i feel the same.

 

**** thinks that the reason i cant come see her is my job is with the high tech computer guys with uncle sam and im restricted from going anywhere, this is ok as long as she doesnt come see me, another problem is i gave her an address while i dont live there it was my first address in *****, my mail is forwarded to my present address, so if she mails me something ill get it, and guess who has the key to the mailboxes.

 

i am so confused, i feel for **** and she is just starting out in life and i am 9 years her senior, i love **** but **** haunts my thoughts, its been a week since i touched **** except for the obligatory kiss now and then, it hurts me to see **** this way, and tears me to know i cant wait till ***** comes online so we can be together for awhile.

 

this started out purely sexual and the haunting of kims face and image is making it get even worse in my head, even know as i write this **** is getting ready to call me online (using skype) she was told i have no phone because of security issues) and talk her day away, and she went to bed at 7 am after talking with MOSTLY me through the night online, we dont just talk about sexual stuff, we learn aobut each others lives and realitys.

 

if i could post kims pic and hers you would see the haunting in it, do i love ****, i think i do, i dont know how thats possible but then again i dont know much anymore, do i love ***** yes i always will .....

 

what to do, like i said i just dont know and this scares me, so i guess im back to the place i once found help and healing hoping and praying for a sense of comfort and guidance.

 

***** made the statement that she could so see being my wife someday, and was absoutely crying last night on cam and skype when she realized i wouldnt be able to see her for christmas, as insane as this is i think we all know im up against it.

 

I think ***** wants a life with me, and although i dont know how or when or the details i want one with her and her new son ***** as well.

 

please reply with something constructive, i already have admonished myself for all this so a lecture isnt in order, a real answer or track to follow is however, i know someones gonna get hurt i just dont know how or what to do.

 

thanks everyone for listening to me, and if this is in the wrong spot please move it somewhere appropriate.

 

(btw i had thought of **** or **** seeing this post, but thats the chance i take, as i think neither of them frequents here, well i KNOW *** doesnt, not to sure about ****, who swore she didnt want to be hurt again (hinting she might have had issues in her last relationship where she sought guidance)

 

please feel free to contact me at link removed[/i]"]jay@link removed

 

Jason

Maryland

[notsurewhattodo]

Is there a place where i can stick this post and get a response, im sure someone out there has SOME advice on this????

 

Jay

[arwen]

I moved the topic to this forum, it could also be located in the infidelity section of our forum, but I think you will get the most helpful responses up here.

[arwen]

I thought about your complicated situation, and I think there are simply as many options as there are girls. Pick one of them to be involved with, and be honest to the other.

 

If I were you, I would try to forget about the girl that you met online. How do you know if she is single, and if she is not playing more guys at the same time? She can tell you that she has never done this with any of the guys in the list, but the fact remains that this list consists of 80 guys, right? Sounds to me that she is purely looking for the thrill of the online adventure, but not for anything that has anything to do with love.

 

As for the girl you are with, I think as long as nothing happens between you and the cybergirl, and if you decide to chose for the real girl, she doesn't have to know.

 

I think all of us in long term relationships will be attracted to another person. That in itself is not cheating. It's the choice you make when you start developing those feelings that matters. If you do decide to break up with the girl you are with, please be honest. Nothing is worse than trying to get over someone when there is no clear reason for the break up. Yes, you will sound like a jerk when admitting it, and she will probably be mad and hurt, but it is better to know the truth than to have questions forever. It will probably make it easier for her to find closure.

 

Good luck,

 

Ilse

[notsurewhattodo]

hello ilse

 

Thank you so much for getting back to me, unfortunately we were a little too late, **** found out the other day, she started being very suspicious of me and paid more attention then i realized.

 

It all came to a head today around 6am when she bursted in on me and started screaming about "what the other was doing for me) the door had been locked but she pounded on it and i let her in, but not BEFORE locking the pc, she demanded that i unlock the pc and let her see the woman on the other side which i refused and rebooted the pc.

 

She started hitting me and going hsyterical eventually she dead fainted in the room, obviously i took her in the bedroom and sat her down (the fact that *** was waiting totally escaped me at the time)

 

In the bedroom i told ***** that she had nothing to freak about, for the past few days ***** has been vomiting and having trouble sleeping, she goes and starts crying for no reason and i have tried to tell her to calm down.

I went back into the office and locked ***** out of all the drives and what not except for explicit stuff only in her profile, and then i told her i was going to bed and she needed to do the same (it being almost 7 am now)

 

at 8 i awoke to the look of a cold and white faced ***** looking at me from accross the room, i asked her what was wrong and quickly jumped up to run in the office, and there on the screen was a home video i had sent to ****** telling her how much i was falling for her and other things, now im not gonna bore you with tech details, but i had left this video and a couple other (more graphic) ones on the C drive, which ANYONE could have access too.

 

***** screamed at me and asked if this is what i do while she was away at work in the daytime, i had no answer for her and quickly wrestled her away and deleted the videos from the drive.

 

I took ***** into the bedroom again and she just laid there shaking and crying telling me she was a good gurl and that she didnt deserve this, oddly enough after a few minutes we ended up making love and it was intense lasting over an hour. during this time she kept professing that she loved me with all her heart.

 

when she finally settled down she started to listen to me tell her a little about ***** and some of the details, i have never told her **** name but one of the videos actually had her name on it, so she still doesnt know for sure who she is but she knows what state shes in (i told her that much)

 

****** says she knows what ****** is feeling knowing there is someone out there so far away that loves you, and she recalled when we finally met how her heart jumped, and she said that **** is probably feeling the same.

 

 

as i write this **** has just returned home and she had another fit of crying, she has had her grandparents take her to the hospital, even though i explained this wasnt a health condition.

 

she kept crying telling me that she was supposed to be the last and that i promised i would never hurt her, which both are true and i meant it when i said it.

 

i already can see the change in her, she mentioned that the dreams she had and the visions she could see us in are no longer there, and that she still loves me and would be willing to put this behind us if i just tell ***** the truth.

 

another point she made is she will no longer be able to trust me and everytime im in my office she will think that i am with ******, so as you can see this is killing me and her, and ***** is still completely unaware of this whole thing, and yet i sit here and wonder what im gonna get her for her birthday coming up.

 

I didnt ask for this and NONE of it was intentional, but i am sure in a lot of pain now, I told **** the reason she hasnt told me to go and get out is because she will think that then i will run to **** and she will lose no matter what, and she agrees that that is what she feels.

 

***** cried and said "why cant you love only me" and she sobbed on my shoulder, and the truth is i just dont know how this could be, but it is.

 

as far as your comments about the buddy list she doesnt even use messenger ever hardly anymore, her cousin who i enlisted for support says she talks about me to everyone, and ill let you read what she wrote me in an email when she sat down to tell me her life story.

 

" Well, now I met this great guy, who I can see myself marring, having kids with and watching our children grow up and have children. I think that ******* would love to have a father like you. Well anyways, if you were to ask me to marry you I would say yes. Even if it was to happen now. I would like you to show me how serious you were about it though."

 

i believe that you could be right about the "other guys" but since we have perfected our communications we have just sat and watched each other for hours, the other night i watched her play with her son, and have dinner with her family as well as do the dishes, so we are connected alot, if there is another guy as you put it, no one knows he exists but her.

 

I thank you for reading this and i understand how hard it is, can we love more then one person, i believe with love anythings possible, i just dont know what the outcome will be.

 

oh and BTW your comment about being serious went out the window when she showed me a plane ticket to come to ***** very soon, i guess we will more then likely meet at my friends house.

 

I just dont know.......................

 

these are the comments from her cousin

 

" Ok *******, here it goes. I believe you are very lucky to have found someone like ****** and I think you should hold on to him unless there is some way of you not thinking you can handle this type of relationship. I also feel that he truly loves you with all of his heart and that you should take this chance and go for it. Who knows what will happen in the long run."

 

just giving the info

[lovecrazy]

I am sorry to say this but you brought this upon yourself!

 

You are hurting the women you love! For an internet cyber chat! How lame is that!

 

You need to choose who you want to be with! And make it quick and stop hurting the women you claimed to have loved so much!

 

As for the internet, you can make anyone believe anything on the net! So becareful!

 

This women could just be looking for a "baby daddy" so you need to watch it with her. Not all women are 100% honest about their lives! And for that matter NEITHER ARE MEN! You are proof of that!

[Misshelpful]

This is an interesting cheating story. So what happened after that?

[notsurewhattodo]

Hello everyone,

 

Just an update.

 

Me and the other gurl (internet gurl) are now friends, although she still comes on to me sometimes.

 

**** is pregnant with our first child (13 weeks) and we are to be married in may sometime.

 

thanks all for the comments

 

Jay

[Misshelpful]

Wow congratulations! So glad to hear that you decided to stay with the "real girl". The fact that the "internet gurl" is still hitting on you isn't good though. What keeps you from being tempted by her if you thought you loved her?

[notsurewhattodo]

apparently its mainly the fact that she is sort of flaky, always having issues and really not being direct towards me.

 

My current Fiance has started to become how we should say (voyeur to the ladies online) and her biggest thing is "playing" on cam.

 

One day i told her there were some females who wanted to watch us and yes the other "gurl" was one of them, she found out later (real) and said how cruel it was to show the other gurl what she couldnt have.

 

just the other day the "other gurl" asked me for money for a "procedure" seems she had gotten preg and needed help, my ethics wouldnt allow me to help her.

 

So you see i am quite founded in my love for ****** and not at all worried about the flirting, its just part of being online.

 

thanks for your postive comments.

 

feel free to link removed[/i]"]email me if you would like to chat some more.