Feeling worst now than i did before why?

[sukerbut]

Ok its has been 2 months since the break up..I have become a regural here and people are starting to A)worry about me and B) make fun of me lol. This is also my 12th day of NC. I am not sure how and why this is happening but my progress of healing has really been put on hold and even degressed. The past 2 months i have gotten back into redicoulos shape. I have made some new friends went out bought a new wardrobe..partied etc. So why is it that i feel so deflated and empty. The first month iwas back in the saddle..talking to girls getting numbers , looks and smiles. i was happy and confident. but since thanksgiving i have become miserable again. could it be that reality has finally hit and now i realize that she is really never coming back..especially since she said all those hurtful things to me. could it be that i am addicted to this web site and being on it everyday does not give me proper healing time. (i tried to stopmreading last week but i could not..i will try to start tomorrow and give my update on NC in a months time..again the key word here is TRY!)

I guess I am not good at handeling rejection and knowing that this was the third time we tried and i have done everything in my power to make her love me and yet ahe still rejects me..is really bearing down on my self worth!! even though i know what i am worth it hurts that she does not want it. I have not been rejected by anyone but her in the past 10 yrs of my life..so why do i allow this woman..should i say kid 22 yrs NOW ! make me feel like this. I am not blinded with love..I just hate the fact that she was the one for me at this time anyways and i am the rejected one..now i know how my ex's feel. The best part is that the guy i thought she was going back to..(remember after 6 months he dumped her...the only guy to break her heart..we think is gay) i mean that just does not make any sense to me. Now i am left scurrying for more answers..since it hought it was him and its not. And i dont want her because i cant have her..i want hewr because i saw a good future..maybe iwas delirious and delisiouned..i dont know. I am tired of people teling me to get over her..i am tired of people telling me your a loser and move on..I am just tired of people in general with their stupid emotionless opinions..BE A MAN ..etc. I am a man who is still madly in love with this piece of cra p. and yes i know she has her issues and i still love her unconditionally but none of that makes a diffrence since she has contionously told me she does not love me like that...who knows if she ver did. I am sorry i just thought i woudl be ina better place right now but it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel a month ago was just a mirage...when is this dam light going to show up again? I hate her I love her..I am tired of fighting with myaelf as to what emotions and strategys to take..I know NC is the way to go..and that is why i have to stick with it..sorry for the long thread just me goign berzerk today. arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[sweetsmile]

I was feeling alot better a month ago and I thought I was over him, I even started to seeing someone else and felt in love with him, but then I realized it was still him i was thinking of. Now i feel even worse, cause i guess i realize it REALLY over this time. We have also tried several times so i was hoping he would contact me again, but not this time. I haven't spoken to him in 2 months and i feel NC is the best, but still i feel bad. People are wondering if i'm really normal. I should move on. I really try to, meet other guys, go out alot, have lots of friends to talk to and i exersize, but still....i'm wondering if this site also keeps me holding on to him in some way. i maybe have to let go 100% and start pretending he's dead. That's probably the way he sees it. What happened in your relationship? do you have an email where i could write you?

[sukerbut]

see the most perplexing thing for me is how can some one be so happy with you..and telling you this is july and totally just do a 180% turn in a matter of two months..including a wonderful vacation in aug..and tell you i dont love you any more..it just drived me crazy. I really do believe deep down in my hurt it was pressure of me being 30 lookign to soon get married and this person being 22 just getting out of college that made her buid this wall up against me. As soon as we got back from vacation mid aug i felt her trying to escape..i just felt it..and that was the worst feeling for me..because i knew it..i said once she gets out of school, and start thereal world..looking for a job meeting new people that i woud be toast..I WAS RIGHT! but why did she have to be so ruthless towards my feelings. so cold .. i think thats what hurt the most. sometimes i relaly hate her for doin this to me.. i mean towards the end..she told me she did not feel love for me anymore..that she just wanted out and this would of happened regardless..i think the unsertanty of why you are being dumped is the real reason i ave a trouble moving on..i can understand if was a jack a ss towrds her..buti was so good .. did all the right thigs for the first time i was on point because i wanted to be with her for a long time..but deep down inside i knew this was just fantasy. I REALLY HATE this feeling. WHY WHY WHY? left with no answers just some crappy excuses fro her part.

[Dako]

Sukerbut,

 

You still haven't hit that acceptance stage, have you? Maybe your competitive nature makes giving up harder to do, even if it's good for you.

 

It's been 4 months for me. She just suddenly stopped loving me. Like you, I felt I had treated her like a treasure. Sometimes love just doesn't make sense.

[sukerbut]

no i have not!!! I am trying to it..but i just dont understand...i know i have always loved the people i dumped..i know its weird but both girls i dumped before i still love and care about..one the flame just died..i did not even want to have sex with her..the other was way to young and even though the sex was great i could not be with her becasue i had some serious problems with her family..this one..the sex was great..and i am not just saying that..i treated her well..i just dont understand that all..if there were things lacking ..excitment. going out..appreciation etc..i could accept it and say..you know what suker you messed up..but when u did all the right things ..it just is very perplexing...like i said we had some bad moments towards the end..but was that enough for me to turn her off so much..I just have to accept it..going NC i think will help me a month from now..because even thouh we have been broken up for 2 months communication was always there..she would call me..so i thought maybe i could be cool and try to win her over...finally i lost my cool and she gave me the closure that i needed..i will never date ou again because i dont want to break your heart..i guess thats why i am so bummed out .. NC all the way from now on..i have no choice but it stings so bad

[Dako]

As truly lousy as I feel, I'm grateful I don't have hope that she'll come back. I knew from the time she left it was over forever. It actually helps to not fantasize about a reconciliation that won't happen.

 

Whenever you do accept that she's gone, I think you'll feel a bit less burdened by uncertainty.

 

Somehow I envy your urge to meet women, buy clothes and all that. I have no interest whatsoever in dating at all, and can't imagine ever having a gf, especially at my age. Some of my friends tell me after a really painful split, they waited over 5 years until they could trust anyone.

I have a feeling you'll recover much more quickly.

[pilot1ab]

Hey Sukerbut,

I totally know how you feel. I sometimes feel like a big wimp, because of the way I am feeling. I am on this board everyday, as it is my only means of solace, and I sometimes hate how my posts sound. I feel like a whiner, a loser, and very very weak. Reading some of my posts, it just doesn't sound like me....what can we do. We are hurting, and when it comes to heartbreak, no one can be themselves. I also feel the pressure of age as I am 35 and alone. How can I meet someone at my age? Where do I go? I don't want to hang out in bars or clubs, as most of the people in there are in there early 20's. Its been 2 months since my breakup, and I don't have the option of NC. Everytime I see her, I feel the wound being ripped open again.

 

Just hang in there man. The healing time is much different for everyone of us. What takes someone just a few weeks, could take someone else years. We are helpless in this, and must let it run the course. Easier said then done, believe me my friend I know. Somedays the pain is so bad, I just can't bear it. Somedays the pain makes you think that, hell with it....game over. I read somewhere that healing is like a lightning bolt. You slide down and make progress, but then you'll fall back a bit. Hopefully we will all get there soon. Hang in there man...keeping posting...I and many others here know how you feel, and maybe together we can see each other through this.

[pilot1ab]

Dako,

I really feel for you also. I am glad that you at least have the ability to see reality, and aren't fantasizing in false hope. I much like yourself, don't have the desire to date or meet any new woman right now. Heck, I feel like at this point and my age, I will never meet anyone. If I could accept this, then I feel I can move on. As it is I can't just yet. I also wonder about anyone I meet. My ex, seemed such a perfect match for me. She was wonderfull, and our relationship was what I had been looking for. Everything was going great, but a few months ago something traumatic happened to her (which I am the only one she told, and I made a promise never to speak of it.), and this caused her to shut off all feelings. I wonder sometimes who can ever fill her shoes. She was my one true love.

 

Anyways Dako, like I posted to sukerbut. There is nothing you, I, or anyone else can do to make this pain just disappear. I guess we have to ride it for it course. I do really feel for all of you, and Dako I must thank you for your posts. They are short and sweet, but I can really see the genuine caring in them. Hope today is a better day for you, and I hope tomorrow is even better. Take care my brother.

[Dako]

Thanks, pilot1ab

 

I'd give my right #$# to be 35. Don't take it for granted.

[patience]

This time of year is hard for everyone who is single.

Those of us who are healing from a breakup have it even harder.

 

...um, Dako, your right what??? hee hee hee

[Dako]

That right useless gizmo.

 

Off topic here, but it's sorta upbeat, unlike some of my posts.

 

The holidays are a challenge. I'm pretty stable at work since I like my job, but weekends and holidays are the pits. That's when it hits me hard.

 

I make a point of getting up early on days off and doing whatever I want. Freedom is the only good thing about being kicked to the curb, so I exploit it all I can. Went out this weekend trying to find cougar tracks in a remote canyon known for cat activity. Sat up late in my sleeping bag watching, but no luck, just coyotes and kangaroo rats.

15 miles of boulder-hopping and I was pooped, but somehow being alone out there I'm never lonely.

 

Hope you guys have something to look forward to for the holidays.

[lonelyfish]

Sukerbut, I right there with you man. I'm crying over an ex that everyone has told me that I'm better of not being with right now, he has a lot of issues going on, just divorced with kids, and recently lost his job, etc. Me, I'm smart, cute, independent, great job - but why I do I still care for this guy who broke my heart. Dako is right, I'm competive in nature and I think it's the the thought that I lost in love. Best advice is to work on improving yourself right now, that's what is keeping me going and giving me confidence.

[patience]

Weekends are really hard for me too. I'm not ready to get out there yet, I still need time to mend.

 

Went out this weekend trying to find cougar tracks in a remote canyon known for cat activity. Sat up late in my sleeping bag watching, but no luck, just coyotes and kangaroo rats.

 

Wow! That sounds brilliant!

[ladyluv]

hang in there guys.

I'm in the same boat too .