2 months of NC how to proceed need advice???

[coolbloke1978]

Sorry long post!! I'm a gay guy so this is a relationship between two guys im talking about so it may be different to hetro relationships so any help is appreciated:

 

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months. When we met it was great, it seemed like the perfect relationship we were always together, he adhered to my every needs and it felt like the real thing. It was perfect.

 

On my birthday, he got me tickets to Ireland. To visit his family and spend a few days there. I was apprehensive but I did just to make him happy. I did have a good time and his mum was fine with me. His dad however refused to meet me and had a row with my boyfriend basically saying things like I don't want a f***ot for a son etc or something to that effect. I never met his dad.

 

We got back to London. And as soon as we got back he was out in a club two nights in a row. I wasn't with him and I do get slightly wound up but let him do his own thing and I do mine. He went out and he called me on his way back home which he does no matter what the time.

 

The next day he went out again and sent me a text saying I'll call you when I'm going back home. I received no call. Then the next morning I got a text saying so sorry I didn't call you but I got really wasted really sorry. So I called him at lunch and he was like why are you off with me. I said I'm not you're entitled to do whatever you like. And he was banging on about what a great night he had and how he doesnt remember anything. And that I have trust issues. So I asked what are we doing at the weekend. He's like I dunno I'm working but you go out.

 

I text him later voicing my opinions and said what's wrong why are we making plans independent of each other. Do you still want this? Should we sit down and chat? I then got a reply saying. Oh you're never f***ing happy. You go out if you want I'm working like I said. Chat later. So I replied back with why are you so wound up? Calm down we can chat later call me when u finish work.

 

I got no call. So I went out. And he text me at 2 saying sorry I didn't call but I was in the pub and didn't get a chance. So I replied back at 3 saying its ok - I was out with the gang I'll chat to you tomorrow.

 

No call the next day. I called him in the evening. Saying lets go out. He's like no I can't be bothered. I said ok I might then. Then he says ure always going on at me I want space and I cant deal with this anymore. I said how come? Whats changed. The he started getting explosive and abusive. I've had enough. You're f***ing pathetic blah blah. Then I sent him a text saying. You have the space lets chat when we're ready. 5 days no contact. In between I did speak to his housemate to ask if he was ok. His housemate says he hasnt said much and is down. Think it's to do with his dad. This behaviour is not normal for him.

 

Then I called him. He acts completely normal. He says I'm resigning from my job and anyway I'll chat to you later. He is sposed to call me that night. I get no call. So I called and he's out. A pub he never goes to with his work friend. And he bumps into my cousin (who's also gay) and he acts all cagey and says he'll see him later. I call my cousin and he tells me he was with some young Asian guy - and now I know that something fishy is going on. But I leave it till we come face to face. I call him the next day. He says he'll call me later. I hear nothing. So I call him at 11. And I say I think it's over is this what you want but can't face me? So then he contradicts himself and says you dunno what im going through. Lets talk about it. Face to face. So I say ok. You call me. The next day he texts me saying he doesn't know what time he finishes work. So I don't mope around I go to a party that we were supposed to go to - alone and have a good time. He calls me at 11. I've just finished work so lets meet tomorrow. I say fine. The next day (Sunday gone) I hear nothing. Then he calls me at 8. I've just finished work and I need to go home and relax. Lets do it some other time. So I lose my cool. And ask - is it over? What do you want? He says I don't know what I want. I may go back to Ireland. I'm fed up. I just dont know. He sounds confused and angry. I then say if we can at least end this face to face its civil so I can move on rather than just hanging in mid air and emotionally destructing. He says maybe Monday maybe Tuesday. I dont know. I then turn around say yes well u know where I am. That's it. I get rid of all his things cry a little and that's that.

 

The 2 days later I get this text: hi, sorry ive been working lates and i am in belgium from work today but i will let you know when we can meet up.

 

By this point I think what's the point the guys just not interested so he's scared about something so I then reply with this:

 

I send this text: After your behaviour over the last couple of weeks, there is nothing left to say to each other so I dont see the point in meeting up. Take it easy. His reply: Ok Then the very next minute another text comes from him: Wat time u start work! I'm back at the carlton at 6 remember we're our tnite x. So I send one back saying: Think you sent this to the wrong person mate we're not out tonite. So he replies with: No we aren't I am. So I reply back with: Yes dear. The mind games!!!!!!!!!!

 

And that's how it ended. Nothing face to face no closure nothing. My friend went and got my housekeys from him and he said he looked wrecked and terribly upset. This was about six weeks ago.

 

I've now met a few guys one is quite nice. But I can't move forward without knowing how my ex feels. I still hold a torch for him and would love for things to go back to the way they were. I have had no contact for 2 months now and now with xmas round the corner im thinking about initiating contact. But how do I play it? In the past 2 months, I've been meeting other guys, got a personal trainer been going to the gym everything. But I cannot move on without some physical confrontation or meeting. I need closure but how do I play it now?

 

Thanks for your advice guys...I know it's a long post...!

[Lil Punkin]

Hey Cool Bloke

 

Sorry you're going through this right now...your ex sounded confused and maybe still wanting to 'sow some oats" when you were available to him. Truthfully, I think in those circumstances I would have reacted the same way you did.

Maybe he is having "issues' with his dad not accepting your relationship with you...Hard to say....if thats the case..HE needs to be the one to bring it up.

 

Has youre ex made ANY attempts to contact you?? If not..I might send him a SHORT text wishing him a happy Holiday or something....if you wish to open that "door' again. See if he replies.....

 

I hope things work out for you.....keep us posted

[coolbloke1978]

Thanks pumkin no he hasn't made any attempt after i said there is nothing left to say to each other. Only met my friend when he went to get the keys and that was a very brief meeting. Maybe I should just play it with a text. You're right. It's so confusing.

[coolbloke1978]

Guys help. I am thinking of this route. I want to send a christmas card...no long speeches anything just a merry xmas card bu i dont know her exact address. Should I send a text saying hi hope ure ok..can you please text me your address? HELP!!!!!!!!!!