Have you ever realized you loved someone after they were gone?

[octopus]

Hi everyone,

 

Here's a question I'd like to ask you all and get a collection of answers.

 

Did it ever happen to you that you were unsure about your feelings for someone, and you stopped seeing him/her but a while later you realized you did actually love him/her?

 

Thanks.

[OceanEyes]

I've been the one to end two long-term relationships. And the answer to your question is NO. Both times I left, I was absolutely sure that there were no romantic feelings left. There will always be a platonic, asexual type of love that I will feel for these men, but never in a way that would make me want to reconcile. Once I'm done, I'm done. I think we *know* when there is absolutely no chance of a relationship working long-term.

 

I did, however, take a "break" for two months from my current boyfriend. The difference in this situation, was that we both still really cared for each other, but just couldn't make it work at the time because of our living conditions. All we did was argue, resentment was building expedientially, and I just knew that if we didn't take a step back, that we would have ended up hating each other. So, I spent two months in another city with my family, and we couldn't help but stay in very close contact (spoke/ e-mailed/ IMed every day). So ultimately, we took a "break", but it didn't work because all we did was miss each other. We got back together about a year and-a-half ago and haven't been apart since.

[Hope75]

When I have made a decision to leave someone because I did not love them, that did not change once they were gone.

 

There was one instance when I left my ex whom I was still in love with, but I knew he was not the right person for me ( he had lied to me about serious things) and I felt firm in my decision, even though it hurt.

 

But again, in any instance where I felt I was not in love or no longer in love with my partner and I broke up with them, once it was over and they were gone my feelings did not return or change.

[Orlander]

Well, I'm one of those guys who doesn't realize what he has until it is gone. My last two girlfriends I developed much stronger feelings for once they were gone. Both times I believe were due to a combination of feelings of fear, inadequacy, and general stupidity in not realizing what I had until it was gone.

 

Some of us just have a habit of getting something we want and not being satisfied. It will never happen again though.

 

Orlander

[RayKay]

Hi everyone,

 

Here's a question I'd like to ask you all and get a collection of answers.

 

Did it ever happen to you that you were unsure about your feelings for someone, and you stopped seeing him/her but a while later you realized you did actually love him/her?

 

Thanks.

 

Not in my experience. For me, by the time I get to the breakup point, I will be "done". I may have tried to make it work for weeks, months, both on my own and with my partner. I will have become by this point emotionally exhausted and realized that it was time to leave. There are times I have left someone I loved, but that there were TOO many problems with, and that were not being sorted between the two of us, or it was an unhealthy relationship to be in.

 

If I was only "unsure" I would still be with them working it out. It's only when I am sure they are NOT the right feelings, I leave.

 

It's the same with anyone whom has broken up with me, as much as it hurts me, it was simply there were some things not right for them. They loved, but were not "in love", they just felt some things were not feeling as strong as they should, things were bothering them that could not be fixed, etc.

 

I think this is probably in relation to your own experience, and I hate to say it, but I really think you have to accept that he is not interested in continuing this relationship. He knows in his heart that what he feels is not enough, or he realizes there are too many incompatibilities or issues he cannot accept. I know it hurts, but you can't FORCE love on someone. It does however mean there is someone out there whom WILL love you and KNOW they love you, and not be doubting their feelings about it.

[chai714]

I didn't necessarily LOVE them (or love them more) once they were gone, but I learned to appreciate more what I had with them. This is human nature though - we tend to value things once we REALLY realize that they can be taken away or gone at any time. I broke things off with a woman who claimed she "loved me" after 4 months. I never regretted that. We had fun together, but not having her didn't make me want to "love her."

 

How we make someone feels is what causes them to like/love us. In the case of my old ex, she was too available, did too much for me, etc. Perhaps she should have studied more love tactics.

[sukerbut]

being a man..i always regret breaking up with my ex's but thats just me.. now with the women..i agree..when a woman sais no its no..but what if they dont know what they want..how can someone love you so intensly in july and by aug..that feeling just disspears...like i know this girl loved me..but i also know that the marriage talks should of not been discussed so soon..especiall when i am 30 and she is 22 just getting out of college.. not that i want her back but i am just wondering..maybe all the excuses she gave me were just to fortify her reasoning to dump me..because her life just started and i wanted to settle down in a couple of years..do you think one day she will be like dam i made a mistake? i dont know i am just wondering..

[octopus]

Hey Sukerbut,

 

I'm exactly in the same situation as you, well kind of.

I'm 24 and I just finished college, and he was 32 and he wants to settle in a few years. He dumped me because he said he didn't love me the way he has been capable of loving others before. But it started out great, like you said, and he was in love with me until recently. I know this because I could tell. Then he's turning 32 this week, and I think he just realized, something like a mid-life crisis, that it's too late for him. You're on that side, and I'm on the other side, and it sucks for all.

[LiquidCherry]

Did it ever happen to you that you were unsure about your feelings for someone, and you stopped seeing him/her but a while later you realized you did actually love him/her?

 

I've fallen in love twice in my lifetime and once I love someone I love them. I've never broken up with someone because I've fallen out of love. To me while love may have it's highs and lows it's also a constant.

 

I have broken up with people because I didn't love them. For whatever reason I couldn't. In fact, this has been my reasoning twice with relationships that both lasted over a year. I loved them in a caring sort of way I suppose but was never "in love". I don't know why these feelings never developed and there really was nothing that they could've done differently. One of them in particular would have been an amazing catch and I suppose he is as he is now very happy with someone who desires him in the way he deserves.

 

My current boyfriend broke up with me for a little over a month. He was confused and unsure of his feelings, if they were strong enough, etc.. But our situation was far different than anyone else's on this board so I'm not sure if he is the best example to use. Regardless, he came back. The time apart enabled him to evaluate his feelings and what he wanted from a relationship, from life..

 

So I suppose it is possible for someone to come back realizing how much they loved you but.. If you love someone how do you not know it? I read your other thread and I know how much it hurts to hear that someone doesn't feel the way towards you that you would like and I'm so you had to hear that, it's very painful. It is much better to be with someone who loves you while being with you so hold out your hope for that.