Coworker came on to me... sorta liked it. Bit confused.

[bsp_kjm]

As some of you have read, my ex broke up with me over a month ago and I've been healing since then. Ive been doing a lot better these last couple days.

 

sorry if i posted this in the wrong section.

 

Several nights ago, my coworkers were getting together to play a lil game of poker. They invited me so I decided to swing by for a lil while to help get my mind off things. When I got there, I was surprised to find, oh, lets call her "Amy", one of my coworkers who NEVER gets out of her house unless she's at work.

 

A lil background on "Amy". I've gotten to know her pretty well these last 3 years from conversations at work, but we have never hung outside of work. She is several years older than me and in an abusive relationship with a guy who sleeps around behind her back and has a kid with him, but apparently hates his guts and is only with him because he supports her financially, at least thats she tells all of us at work. She's had a rough life (mother died when she was young, has tried committing suicide several times, went through drug rehab). Shes a very nice and attractive gal, but has very low self-esteem and constantly belittles herself.

 

Anyways, she was at this lil get-together and sat next to me at the poker table. I won a couple hands and told her she was my good luck. Every time I won, she'd give me a high-five. When I lost (which was often), she'd slap me on the top of my thigh. After awhile, she started leaving her hand on my thigh. When I'd rest my hand on my lap, she suddenly started grabbing it and holding it. I didnt really think anything of it since I was having a good time with my coworkers, but I did notice it. She then grabbed my free hand and held it in her lap. It was awkward, but since none of my other coworkers could see it, I didnt really mind. It was sorta nice to get some attention.

 

She asked me to step outside with her for a moment so she could smoke a cig. We went outside and she started telling me how much she liked my car. She asked if she could sit inside it and I opened it up so she could. We both got inside since it was cold as hell outside. She started telling me how my ex didnt deserve me, I could find someone better, and other things along those lines. She also mentioned that she was thinking of leaving her bf. She then told me that she always had a thing for me and wished that she was single so she could ask me out. I was a bit shocked and didnt really know what to say, so I just told her that Ive always thought she was a very nice person. As I turned my face towards her to ask if she wanted to go back inside the house, she suddenly began kissing me full on the lips. I was taken aback and pulled away. She frowned and asked, "dont you think I'm attractive?" I answered, "well, yes...but you have a boyfriend and we are coworkers, plus, well, I'm still in love with my ex!" She replied with, "screw my bf and screw your ex, they dont care about us," and started kissing me again. I dont know why, but I returned the kiss.

 

She started unzipping my pants, but I stopped her. She gave me a look of confusion then announced that we should go back inside the house. When we got inside, we both had a couple cans of beer as we continued playing poker. As we played, she started grabbing my crotch under the table and everytime, I'd move her hand away. She asked me to step outside with her again so she could smoke and I did. When we got outside, she literally jumped on me and said, "lets check out the backseat of my jeep." I didnt know how to react since I was very nervous, so I laughed. She got mad and went back inside. I have to admit that I am attracted to her, but I am still in love with my ex and I could not bring myself to mess around with someone else. We played poker a lil longer, and she drank more. I could tell she was buzzing and she was getting more aggressive with her "flirting." She asked me to walk her to the bathroom, so I did and she whispered in my ear, "f*** me in my jeep right now, I know you want to." I didnt say anything and returned to the poker table.

 

At the table, she kept whispering more things in my ear about having sex with her, just with other "choice" words. My coworkers were starting to catch on to what was happening and started giving me a hard time. Amy suddenly blurted out, "so what if I wanna f*** him, I have needs too!" and everyone started laughing. She then asked me to go outside and have a smoke with her. We stepped outside and she tried dragging me to her jeep while saying, "you know you want to handle me, i want you and you want me, lets do this, we both need it." A lil part of me wanted to, but a bigger part of me didn't. I went back inside and Amy was pissed off the rest of the night. She drank more and started puking. One of our coworkers had to drive her home.

 

The next day I saw her and she was very very mad at herself but she meant what she said about my ex not deserving me. Niether of us brought up what happened the night before except the topic of her puking.

 

I'm a bit confused because I'm finding myself more attracted to her, but I think it may be because my emotions have been running wild lately due to my ex dumping me last month. Am I just feeling this attraction because she came on to me and I liked the attention? Should I approach her about the things she told me (having a thing for me, wanting to ask me out, etc) or should I just pretend like nothing happened? I mean damn, she has a bf and kid! Maybe I should just keep myself away from this whole mess.

 

I had to get that off my shoulders... thanks for reading...

[bsp_kjm]

hmmm well i just read a couple other threads about people having coworkers flirt with them and im thinking that maybe i should just pretend nothing happened...

[steff]

wow, what a night, well i think u did the right thing by not sleeping with her, or anything. she was drunk and properly wasnt thinking straight. i think it would be best for u not to bring up what happened, but still stay friends with her, and not make things uncomforatable for her.... hope this helps

[kellbell]

Hi there bsp_kjm!

 

Don't do it! That girl is trouble. She stays in an absusive relationship but that's her word against her bf's. I am not saying she is lying but you never know, she does not sound creditable at all. You are emotionally vulnerable right now so it's understanable how this whole situation would make you feel. She has a son, is in an abusive relationship (according to her), stays in it because he supports her (which shows me she can't take of herself and mooches off others), and she completely humiliated you in front of your co-workers. Don't sleep with co-workers, it leads to trouble plus this girl sounds a little looney with a lot of drama in her life. You deserve a lot better and deserve to heal. Take care.

[Dating Coach]

A lil background on "Amy". I've gotten to know her pretty well these last 3 years from conversations at work, but we have never hung outside of work. She is several years older than me and in an abusive relationship with a guy who sleeps around behind her back and has a kid with him, but apparently hates his guts and is only with him because he supports her financially, at least thats she tells all of us at work.

 

HUGE red flags here, HUGE.

 

I would only look at this girl as someone to have fun with. It sounds to me like she just wanted a little "no strings attached fun" and why not? If you are down, go do it. You only live once. Just don't get attached because I can almost guarantee that this girl will be trouble.

[smallworld]

Aside from my usual "It's not a good idea to fool around with co-workers," I agree that Amy is waving a lot of red flags. I know she's attractive and the attention must be flattering right after a breakup, but any "fun" you might have with her won't compare to the drama and headaches you're likely to face if you give in to your baser emotions. Any one of those red flags is daunting in and of itself, but when you combine children, an abusive boyfriend, low self-esteem, suicidal tendencies, alcohol and promiscuous behavior all in one woman, doesn't it make you pause and ask "What do I really find attractive about this woman?"

 

My advice: Stay far, far away.

[bsp_kjm]

thanks for the advice everyone. i think im attracted to her physically, definently not emotionally. but yeah, way too many red flags for this one, even if i wanted to "mess" around with her a lil. ill just stay on a friends/coworkers basis with her. thanks for your time everyone

[bsp_kjm]

lol well at work today, she was acting like a complete b1tch! she was telling my coworkers that I was the one who started the flirting and was making advances towards her. then she accused me of trying to take advantage of her. totally pissed me off and i told her "so this is what I get for being nice to you and listening to you whine about your life?" stupid girl, totally needs to grow up

[smallworld]

Yikes Bsp! Well obviously she's upset that you turned down her irresistible (lol) advances. Thank goodness you didn't do give in! No matter what she says, I'm sure your co-workers know the truth.

[Dating Coach]

lol well at work today, she was acting like a complete b1tch! she was telling my coworkers that I was the one who started the flirting and was making advances towards her. then she accused me of trying to take advantage of her. totally pissed me off and i told her "so this is what I get for being nice to you and listening to you whine about your life?" stupid girl, totally needs to grow up

 

Hate to say it but... I told you so!

 

When you mentioned about how she talks to coworkers about her abusive boyfriend, that was my first red flag and I wasn't so quick to buy it. Most people in abusive relationships don't run around talking about it to everyone for attention.

 

Now I see that my suspicions are correct and I bet she is full of it about her abusive boyfriend. She's just a scandalous *beep*. Stay far away.

[bsp_kjm]

yep, u guys were totally right! thanks for the help appreciate it

[PocoDiablo]

She's a drama queen. Plain and simple. Unless life is crazy exciting, she is not happy.

 

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!