I made a decision...now I am not sure.

[keefy1972]

Well as long as it made you smile. That's the key right now. It's all about you.

[frecklegirl]

Update on this crazy post that my crazy head is keeping "crazy"!!!

He did one of his infamous "drive-bys" today. I have been taking alot of Mondays off work because I have so much vacation time that I will lose by the end of the year, so because I am the 'boss" in this job I took today off.

 

I was out sweeping my walkway and lo and behold.....there is was....again.

 

Said he was just driving by.... I said "when will you finally be honest and say you miss me, can't stop wanting to see each other" He said, "well, I miss the s+++ out of you, but I know how much we have fought, and I can't quit thinking if we tried again and failed, I would be (basically my word here ) sol"

 

So, I said I don't want a man that is so afraid to feel his feeling or take a chance. Either we make it or we don't. He wants to make sure he does not lose the woman that is supporting him right now....damnit, I am a total idiot for even listening to him today.

 

Folks out there......please remind me that I deserve more......!!!! I feel stuck every time he shows up!

[Shadows Light]

YOU DESERVE MORE!!!!

 

OK.. what are you going to splurge on this week?? hmmm. A new book? A new CD? A new pair of shoes??? Why don't you trot your butt over to the nearest jewlery store.. and buy yourself a... friendship ring for XMAS. Don't have to spend poodles of money on it. Maybe sterling silver.. something in a price range that you can afford. All the jewelery stores have stuff on sale before xmas. Soooo .. you need to buy it for yourself.. this WEEKEND.

 

And WEAR IT. and when you hear from him. Or when you see him (during a drive by).. I want you to look down at your ring.. and remind yourself its a friendship ring.. and YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST friend. And.. choosing not to see him... not to be with him.. was doing your BEST FRIEND.... YOU.. the very very best of things.

 

Why in the world would you want to SUPPORT him???? financially??? There is a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference in helping someone get up on their feet.. .and having someone suck you dry. Financially, and emotionally.

 

When you see him. Picture him like this... and energy VAMPIRE. Whose come to suck your life blood from you. Pysche yourself out off of him.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS.. YOU CAN DO THIS.. YOU CAN DO THIS..

 

and NC.. GF.. NC means that when he drives by... you turn your back on him and walk into the house. NO CONTACT. You are an addict.. and you can not be anywhere near your addiction. LOL. PRETEND you are on a HUGE HUGE DIET... to lose.. whats he weigh???? 180lbs.. well you are on a DIET.. and you HAVE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT. So you STAY AWAY form the stuff that twarts whats good for you. NAMELY HIM. Don't look at him.. turn your back on him. Its like being on a diet and seeing a fast food commerical on TV for that juicy juicy burger...FLIP THE CHANNEL... don't look at it. LOL.

 

HOW WAS THAT?? FEELING BETTER??????????????

[frecklegirl]

Shadow, I love the friendship ring idea, for ME! I am going to buy it this weekend and am going to practice saying No to him and YES to me and my future,

 

He came to my work today and acts like I should understand how he wished we could be together, but is still living with someone else....he almost acts like he is sad or I should feel sorry he has such a delima!!!! I know it is due to my lack of control and lack of my ability to say "see ya" that he is able to continue on like this.....

 

I am going to buy that ring, and go on that DIET to LOSE HIM!

[Shadows Light]

Good for you. If you are serious about keeping him out of your life.. and making changes... then it helps to have focus. Something to hang your hat on. Kinda like an inspiration.. a symbol. Teams have team logos and team names. So.. I think everyone should have something they look to to INSPIRE them. LOL. In olden times families had FAMILY CRESTS to inspire them. The friendship ring was something I thought of to remind you that you are your own best friend. And "TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE". LOL. Whatever works for you.

 

It just struck me that "HE's LIVING OFF SOMEONE ELSE" and probably physically involved. But is Pining for you... how would you feel you were the other woman??? Does she know that he's coming around you? Yikes.

 

I'll tell you what a GF of mine told me. Look at the data to make your analysis. HAS the data changed? Have there been any new significant developments that would alter your thought processes? He's still the same person he was when he was with you. YOU haven't made any significant changes either.. so wouldn't you be where you started from?

 

Just a Thought.

[frecklegirl]

Shadow, thanks for providing the insight your GF told you.....look at the data. Good advice, and no nothing has changed and YES I would be back where I started from....basically same old issues and same old problems.

 

He did not call today or driveby! I end up wondering what he is doing....I am twisted!

 

When I think of the other woman, and know she is putting her heart and hopes with him, I wish I could send her a telepathic msg. telling her to beware and where he is in her car when she is at work!!! But I believe in karma and know I need to say nothing. People are who they are and they finally show their true colors eventually. the key for me is to stop putting myself in this equation.

 

thanks and all advice. thoughts, "wake up you dork" to me is welcome