My 5 year old relationship in

[Jay-R]

Well just about a month ago I broke up with my girl of 5 years. During those 5 years we managed to maintain our relationship. Although weve broken up it was not as serious as it is now. We have a son together when we were only 19. after 3 years we moved in together and she brought her brother along. I thought it was temporary, as time passed our intimacy went down and there was only but sex. no kissing no hugging. I would go out with my friends and leave her because she would be frustrated and would release all of her temper on me. I admit i did wrong in going out and stopped paying rent because of her brother staying there.

 

How ever her love was undeniable, but i took it for granted. now she left me and i am love sick. I always loved her but did not show it until now. she tells me that she is dating someone now and that he keeps wanting to get more serious, but she says that that is the last thing on her mind but since i am still around she may end up with him. I been telling her that i want to get married, and that i love her but sayin so makes her angry. inturn she tells me that i am forcing her to the other guy. we talk every day since our break up, and were intimate 2 times. she tells me she missed my touch and that she will always love me just not the way she use to. now she thinks she may go out with this guy but tells me that it wont last, and in the end she will want to come back to me actually every one tells me that. what i dont get is that how come she tells me everything i want to hear but decides not to show me. ontop she is dating some guy and she knows im getting hurt and it looks like she enjoys it but tells me that she is doing it because he makes her happy and the last thing she will do is hurt me. Now i been a pain smothering her since our break up and she is now at the point were she wont tell me her feelings because she thinks that I use those things she tells me to get close to her. now I feel like a fool because i call her and she tells me that we need to have time off, she needs to realize what she is doing. I havent given her the space she needs and I think i made the situation worse. now when we talk I feeel that she is pushing me away, I am trying to stay away and i cant. will there be any hope for us? someone please help

[kdreger]

Some advice and steps.

 

I've been where you are.

 

1) Cut contact! Give her space. Give her a chance to miss you!

 

2) When she comes calling (and she will) be her friend. DON'T pressure her about your relationship. Just listen to her and show her you care.

 

3) While talking to her express how you feel about her beauty and what a great woman she is.

 

The rule of thumb for everyone is that you have to change how she looks at you after the breakup. At the point of the breakup she associated you with painful memories. Now you have to change that. Over time, get her to associate you with good memories - change, trust and love.

 

Then you're on you way and you will see a change in how she treats you.

 

Important though is giving her space. Don't try to control her life.

[SAS]

Some advice and steps.

 

I've been where you are.

 

1) Cut contact! Give her space. Give her a chance to miss you!

 

2) When she comes calling (and she will) be her friend. DON'T pressure her about your relationship. Just listen to her and show her you care.

 

3) While talking to her express how you feel about her beauty and what a great woman she is.

 

The rule of thumb for everyone is that you have to change how she looks at you after the breakup. At the point of the breakup she associated you with painful memories. Now you have to change that. Over time, get her to associate you with good memories - change, trust and love.

 

Then you're on you way and you will see a change in how she treats you.

 

Important though is giving her space. Don't try to control her life.

 

Well said!. . .

 

Patience and please give her the room or you will lose her for good.

 

Also please, an open mind for any situations including the idea that it may never workout. If you can't accept both possibilities, you will suffer for a long time and possibly make the same mistakes again.

 

Find yourself to accept any possibility, and when you do, you will see how strong you will become and how successful you will do in any other relationship or the one now. The key is building a strong foundation between yourself, so that when you have to deal with things in any nature, you will know what to do and do it calmly, which will give you the right words to say.

 

I know it will not be easy for you because of what you have said so far, and you mean well but you must fight this or it will knock you down hard and you will suffer and so will she.

 

This will be a very important moment of your life because of what you can learn from this but most importantly what it can become that will enhance what is needed inside of you.

 

Very fragile time for you and it will be up to you and no one else but you my friend.

[Jay-R]

Great advice,

 

You know today she called me and asked that I go over to take care of my son while she cleaned the her house, she went out with that guy again with my son this time. But before that we talked, she told me how her brother told her things about us that made her think and dump me. she told me how she is hiding her feelings for me, and how she is only dating this guy because she tells him about me and our relationship. However I didnt tell her anything instead I listened, and she seemed receptive. SHe still thinks that we will be fine after all this goes away, I realized that I am not going to be a puppet at her disposal, although she is using my son to make me do things im alot stronger now and i been showing no emotion which surprisingly worked fast! i mean woooa.

 

now she cleans and cooks and I think she is fronting so this guy see's what a great girl she is. The reality is that she didnt cook for me until our 5th year, I have a great job and i would take her to the best resturants. I didnt care about money when i was with her so yes i spoiled her, and cleaning well i've lived with her for 4 years and she is not the cleanest person in the world. But I learned to live with all that, and her awfull brother that sees me as his big brother but has decided to make his sister breakup with me.

 

You know I think he did it because he got dumped too, but he got played HARD ive heard about chicks like these but i never seen it unfold under my nose and she wrote her name all over him "literally". This girl made him get a tattoo of her longggg as name on his wrist and took his money and cheated on him, LOL Its funny cause I warned him but he would not listen to me. I believe he is bitter at me because i spoke from experience, but he is naive and thought i just wanted to sound like i knew everything. So now when she calls me and tells me she is with that guy, and i dont care, I been looking at all her faults rather than the good times so I have no feeling for her, well at least when she mentions him. I some times dont want to pick up my son because I know she is not caring for him like she should be, and he feels it. But i do because I know she will end up taking her frustration out on him, and its not his fault that she wants to be free. The truth is that she will realize in a couple of months what she's doing and come back or not. Our friendship will never die at least I dont think from my end. well Keep on posting I apreciate your comments, advice, and frienship towards a stranger.

[SAS]

 

 

I am so please to hear what you have said that made so much sense. You are there already to deal and accept what ever it maybe. The sad and possibility thing is that one day she may come back to you and when she does, it will be to late because you have reached what it is called acceptance and it will hurt but at the same time you will feel who you are and what you are about and that is what counts but in a good way and not in a selfish way.

 

However I would like to see you get together and would hope she will learn to see you how you really are in heart and in soul for it will change things so much better but with so much more of understanding even if it should never workout but friends for the child and for your own peace of minds. You are a clever man and you know what must be done.

 

I do hope for the best of both and family you have with her.