We are in love but breaking up..help me

[Colls]

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for awhile now and I am completely in love with him. We used to fight alot and broke up twice over it but always got back together. We havent fought in a long time and we have been better than ever. Well recently its changed to a long distance relationship, and neither of us can find a way to be together. He's stuck there on work and cant quit because he will lose everything. I'm here in school with 7 months left so i obviously am not going to leave either, because this has been my dream my whole life.

 

Tonite he called and said he's sick of being alone. He's sick of not being able to kiss, hug, hold hands, hold eachother, etc.. Basically he told me he can't wait 7 months till Im done with school, he's too lonely. He says hes 25 years old and needs to start a life.

 

My heart is completely broken. I didn't know where else to turn but here, because I can't turn to him, he's against waiting for me. He says he loves me more than anything, and he was crying on the phone, but he just needs to start a family. I told him it was a little unrealistic that in 7 months he will find someone whos going to marry him right away and start a family, and that if he waited for me I would leave everything to be with him. But I cant leave school now, because its my dream and I need a job to fall back on in life I dont like being supported by someone else.

 

I need help getting over this, I believe him this time that it is over. I just dont know how to handle this. I'm a complete mess tonite and it feels as if my heart was broken into a million pieces, because it happened so suddenly and unexpected. I dont know how but please someone say anything that will make me feel better, im tryin not to take my sleeping pills tonite just to forget this...because I dont want to rely on them like i used to. Thanks in advance for any help that anyone can give.

[Belle]

Colls,

 

You may want to ask for this to be moved over to breakups so you can get more attention from people who are in the same situation. You're going to need a lot of support.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not a good time with your studies to finish and it's just extremely unfortunate that your boyfriend chose now to issue such a horrible ultimatum.

 

Just know that your school/dreams do come first. He sounds like a very very selfish and needy person. A person that really loves you wouldn't ask you to sacrifice your dream for them, just because he can't wait 7 months. What would you think of a guy that did this to a friend of yours? I know you love him, but the potential consequences of his selfishness are bigger than this moment.

 

Take it easy on yourself. Know that he will regret his hastiness and I would highly recommend no contact at this point. He may put you on a roller coaster which you don't need right now. you need to focus on school, not his drama and loneliness. Be very good to yourself and get through school. Worry about him in 7 months. I promise, if you do that, you will have no regrets. And ask yourself, will he be there for you when your dreams are gone and there's just him? How would he, when he's not there for you now.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[Kimmikazi]

Wow, very rough and sudden situation at that. It's as if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place...but it will take a lot of thought to get through this. Forced long-distance relationships are beyond difficult. There are so many things involved with a relationship to begin with, but then when the distance is there, it just piles on many more issues. Not to be discouraging AT ALL...but this is sort of the situation I had to put me and my ex in. He knew when he was going to be able to come back and be with me, but I just couldn't wait any longer...and in the end...I'm glad it worked out the way it did..I did end up finding an amazing guy without all the problems distance was causing the other relationship.

 

Now, you love this man, and he obviously loves you...that's very clear to see. I don't see him doing this for any other reason other than his loneliness...which must come from both of you, its inevitable . It's great to hear that you are independent, and plan to stay in school, rather than drop it all for this situation...that really shows your true strength, which is what will get you through this in the end. You can't force him to try and wait the 7 months, but then again you don't have to agree with it. You made a very good point that he was being unrealistic about finding someone in 7months to marry and start a life with. 7 months isn't long enough for all of that, and actually...the 7 months he tries finding something, other than the one he loves....will probably end up negative on his end.

 

My advice would be to let him know that you accept his thoughts, and that if that's what he feels he needs to do, then he should do that. (I know it's MUCH easier said than done...) In the meantime, get through your schooling, concentrate on what's important in YOUR life...but still keep him involoved in your life. I'm sure that by the time you're done...he'll have a better understanding of what he wants....weither it may be the "woman he MIGHT find...very doubtful under the circumstances), or that he realizes that 7months is worth waiting for the woman he truly loves without even having to be forced into it. This might even be what it takes to pull out strength in your relationship...no matter how much it doesn't seem like that right now at all...

 

definitely talk this through with him some more....but try not to put down what he wants to do...but don't just agree with him either..more so-let him know that you understand, but that you have your own feelngs on the situation as well. keep us posted, i hope all goes well...

GOOD LUCK!

[girl_83]

Im sorry your going through this, i can imagine what if feels like to love someone so much and to only hear them say that they no longer want to be with you. I've heard it myself and it feels like your heart is liturally about to break. So i understand what your going through.

 

I think you should give yourself time to heal, you wont get over this in a couple of day..it might take weeks or even months. However when its all over with, which in my mind you will finally forget the pain..you will look back and realise that maybe you two just wernt meant to be.

 

If he loved you then he would wait for you for 7 months. Im sure you would wait for him. You dererve better and you will get better believe me. Just give yourself time to heal.

 

Cry when you need to, and dont keep it all inside because then it just builds up and becomes too much to handle. Talk to your friends, starting meeting new guys and keep yourself occupied so you dont have time to miss him or to think about him so much. I wish you all the best and believe me..as hard as it is right now. You will get through this.

 

Lots of luck..

[soph4487]

hun if he lovs u he shudnt expect u to give up all that he shud wait for you! i no thats hard to hear but its very true he shudnt put that pressure on you, he shud support you xx