Emptiness

[mtastic]

Hi guys,

 

Its been a while since i've posted anything, but i've still been around reading from time to time. Anyway, here's my post:

 

So the last 6 months or so have been pretty busy for me: back in May, about two weeks before graduation from college, I got an offer from one of my professors to do some research work over the summer, which would then lead into graduate school come the fall. SO after a little bit of thought over it, I took the offer, as i thought i would capitalize on it since although my grades weren't bad, I didn't necessicerily think they were good enough to get me into grad school on my own. Anyway, my plan previous to this had been to move back home for the summer until I got a job and had saved up enough money to get a place of my own, but staying in Philadelphia meant i had to find an apartment quickly, so my last few weeks of college were spent rushing around looking at apartments and trying to find any place to live on about 3 weeks notice. This all worked out eventually, between a short term sublet and finding the place i live right now. The only problem was that both moves, downpayments, furiniture, etc. occurred before I had gotten my frist graduate stipend check, so even with some financial help from my parents it still depleted my finances. Just about the time this was settling down, I began having administrative problems with my application, forcing me to basically apply again. This eventually worked out as well, just in time for classes to start, to which I had to adjust to taking classes on top of working on several research projects. Its nearly the end of the term, and I've finally gotten used to balanceing all this stuff to the point where things have pretty much settled into a regular routine for me and I have a little time to myself now once i get home.

 

The problem is now that i have that time to myself, it feels kind of empty. I've never been really good at making friends, and the friends i did have and finally start hanging out with towards the end of senior year have all gone off to their own things, either moving away from the city, or just moving on into their own lives. I recently made a couple new friends, but they live outside the city so i don't get to see them that often at the moment. As for the people I go to school with, I get along with them just fine in the lab or in the classroom, but nothing ever materializes outside of the school environment, as again these people seem to have developed their own lives that they're busy with, having wives and girlfriends, and people outside of school to hang out with. I've tried to get out a bit and go to places where i can meet new people, but its hard. First off, too many places and activities seem to be mostly people there with their friends, which makes me feel like the odd man out (literally and figuratively) as it seems like i'm the only one there by myself. Also, things like maybe taking some kind of class usually require time or money commitment beyond what i can provide (as a grad student I don't really have alot of either), and after getting done with school for the day, the last thing I really want to do is take another class.

 

I guess I don't really have a question (and i'm not totally sure what the appropriate froum is for this topic, so mods feel free to move it if you find a mopre apt place for it) I'd just like comments/reactions from others.

 

thanks,

mtastic

[ShySoul]

Sorry that you are feeling empty right now, I'm also feeling that way. You are in a tough spot, not having the money to really do much. Ah, the joys of graduate school.

 

Are you sure you've exhausted all possibilities on things to do? Have you checked out an alternative newspaper? They are often full of events happening around town and maybe you can meet someone there. If you have the free time, maybe volunteer?

 

Not really sure what to advise. Just want to give my support and say that I hope things get better for you. It's not a good feeling to be alone like that.

 

PS. Nice Avatar. Artie.... that was the Adventures of Pete and Pete, right?

[sweetheart230]

Well it sounds like you're doing pretty well for yourself. But I sort of know how you feel. Last year I had built in friends (my roommates) and an obsession with my (now) ex that kept me occupied (I cried a lot). Now that I'm back in school, I had no friends, a new roommate who I didn't really get along with, and no boyfriend. Add to that at my job I babysit so I never met anyone there and there are no clubs or extracurriculars that i'm interested in. I planned on having a really lonley year. Everyone already seemed to have friends.

 

But somehow I made friends. Basically it was cause I realized I was utterly alone, couldn't become any more alone if I tried, and so just did and said whatever I wanted. I knew at that point anything I said or did wouldn't make me any worse off than I was at that moment. So I started doing stuff by myself, like going to the coffee house to listen to bands or going to plays. Out of sheer boredom I started conversations with people in classes and found that some of them I connected with really well, and even though they already have friends and a life, we became good friends.

 

I guess what helped me the most is getting rid of the fear of being rejected or being alone. I was alone. It didn't kill me. Putting myself out there felt uncomfortable at first, but I had nothing to lose except my lonliness. Find something you like...something you're interested in and just do it. Enjoy yourself. You probably don't have a lot of time, but if you set aside time to do something that you enjoy, then even if you make no friends and meet no one interesting...you'll have at least had a good time. But chances are, you will meet people.