whats wrong with this woman?

[some-guy]

The ex gf and I started out as just friends.. We started to hang out more and more and it was becoming obvious that there was attraction on both parts. Then one day she told me liked things the way they are right now, just as friends I was a little disappointed but I really liked her just as a friend, so I was OK with it. A few days later we were hanging out at her place, we started wrestling on the couch and I kissed her, she kissed me back and we started making out. She then reminded me what she had said about just being friends, but said “what the hell it felt so right.”

 

We were together as a couple for about three months and we got along amazing, we had so much fun together. We just clicked so well, but I always got the feeling she was hesitant or nervous about the relationship. She tried to break up with me one day , because she thought I was not committed to a relationship to her, I proved to her how much I cared about her and things were good for a couple of weeks .

 

then She broke up with me and gave me some excuse and told me she didn't want to be involved with me,but maybe in a couple of years if she was still single we could try again , she kissed me before telling me this though , but she was calling me again a few days later and asked me back after a couple of weeks. We spent a couple of nights together then she started to avoid me and broke up with me again. Told me she wanted to be just friends. I accepted this and tried to be her friend, but she was always giving me mixed signals (intimate touching).So, I poured my heart out to her one day and told her “I can’t be just friends with you”. She asked me out a couple of days later. She was holding my hand for the first time in two months and being very touchy around me, she was even hugging me. She invited me on a camping trip with her friends her words were “I want you to come, because I know I will have fun if you come”

She let me share her tent. The camping trip went Ok, but there seemed to be a little tension. So, after the trip she started to avoid me. Until I called her up one day, she told me she was uncomfortable around me now. I was frustrated and left it alone.

 

After a couple of months of NC I sent her a birthday card, she absolutely loved it. Because I had put a lot of thought into it .She talked about doing things together again in the future. We were talking for hours again and even being flirtatious. She asked me out a couple of times and again invited me to go camping with her friends .She invited a guy she dated briefly about a year ago. The first day I was a little quite around him, but I started to talk to him the next couple of days. I and the ex had a great time, we were just being friends but she was paying more attention to me than the other guys. I thought the trip went well. After the trip I started getting the feeling she was avoiding me again. but she was busy so I left it at that.

 

Now, after a few weeks I knew she was avoiding me, I just tried to be nice to her hoping she would stop avoiding me, but after a couple of months it was starting to bother me. I would see her around and she would talk to me one day and ignore the next, I couldn't figure it out So, I avoided her. But she was always very friendly too me when we see each other around.

I called her to ask her why she was avoiding me. Her reason; she did not feel comfortable around me because I was "cold" to her friend at the camping trip. That blew me away; I thought we had an awesome time. She said she couldn't be with someone who was not nice to her friends. She told me I was always good to her and she had a lot of fun with me, but I was not friendly to others. I am not the most outgoing person in the world but I am not unfriendly to people.

It seems like as soon as things get to close for her comfort she looks for any reason to get away from the relationship. She never tells me when something bothers her; she would rather just end the relationship. I have never once put any pressure on her, I never talked about relationship stuff, and I always tried to keep it light and fun. I always let her make all the first moves. She use to tell me that I was "different and not like other guys."

 

Well, after 4 months of ignoring each other we made up. We met one day on a bike ride and spent the whole day together just talking and we also went for coffee. The chemistry is unbelievable, at the end of the day she said “It was nice talking with you, and I am glad the anonymity is over". So, we were friends again and I only treated her as a friend. I didn't ask her out, or phone her .We would just talk on bike club rides. This lasted for a few weeks, BUT she started avoiding me again. She eventually asked a friend, to tell me she does not want any contact with me again because I have feelings for her and I make her uncomfortable.

 

That was a few months ago, we are now back to ignoring each other again. I got burnt again, and even though we were just friends and I knew this would probably happen again it hurt worst this time than ever before.

 

Oh yeah she is 34.

[WildChild]

Man, that is messed up. No, I take that back, she is messed up!

[zippitt]

Sounds to me like she uses you when she needs attention, but doesn't really want a relationship. She sounds very flaky to me, almost like she has commiment issues or has no idea what she wants. The off and on is a huge red flag, I would keep you distance even as a friend.

 

Has she ever been married, had kids, what's her longest relationship and how did it end? I know these things are not supposed to be talked about when first dating, but they can be incredibly insightful. I figured since you were friends maybe she told you some of these things.

[some-guy]

i never asked her about her past I now she has never been married ,never even been in a serious reltionship. She has been single for years .( she is gorgeous and has no trouble attracting men) She told me once she had lots of two month relationships and she ended her last relationship because "it was getting serious" I know all red flags , but she seemed to be really iinto me.

 

I would do things with her that she did with no other previous boyfriend. like skiing,skating and camping she even bought a pair of skates just to go skating with me.

[WildChild]

I don't doubt she is into you but obviously there are serious red flags as you know when she tells you that the relationships end after 2 months. This gal has commitment phobia. She may know how much she likes you but because she doesn't want to commit that's when she backs off. However, I do find her full of herself that she ended it again because she presumed you liked her. So maybe a mix of commitment phobia and a little egotistic?

[RayKay]

Honestly, she sounds like she only would bring WAY too much drama into your life.

 

I can't tell you "why" she does this, it may be a commitment issue, but I think it is also a selfish issue, and a narcisstic issue...she gets some trip out of getting you to 'work for her' but then once you have her, she wants out again because the thrill is over.

 

I would say the reasons her past relationships would end a couple months in, is probably a very big part due to her, I don't think her acting this way is something unique to you. I am sure you like her, but really think about WHY you like her if she treats you this way? Do you really want someone flaky like this, or do you like the rush of it, or the feeling of being able to win her over? What are you really hoping for....because at 34, I don't think she will be changing her pattern with you anytime soon.

[Bethany]

Tell her... 'Don't flatter yourself, Your good, but your not THAT good!'

 

And then throw her a blanket and say, 'Here, be more comfortable'... and walk out that door and don't ever look back.

[Lil Punkin]

Some Guy this chick sounds like a complete flake..and an inconsiderate flake at that. She had FRIEND tell you not to contact her again??? Whatever....

Why because HER method of just IGNORING you isn't hurtful enough??

 

I have onder though..WHY do you keep coming back?? The whole thing made me tired and I'M JUST reading IT.

[some-guy]

WHY do you keep coming back?? The whole thing made me tired and I'M JUST reading IT.

 

 

Ha ha, I dont know some sort of fatal atraction maybe? When she is normal , she is the nicest person in the world and all those feelings come rushing back.

[Butterfly641]

Hey there. It seems like your relationship with her is based on the mood she's in. She seems to have you on her toy shelf and takes you down to play when she needs you. The best thing you can do is to let her go completely or set limits with her, which can be hard since you have feelings for her. It doesn't seem like she wants to start a relationship w/you because if she did she wouldn't continue to risk losing you.

[Hope75]

I agree with the other posters who say that when the mood strikes her or she feels lonely and reminiscent you get the call. Otherwise, I don't think she has any intention of having you in her life on a serious level.

 

You have put it out there that you cannot be just friends with her, so she will now "ask you back" when she wants some time and attention from you, and then "break it off" when she's had enough and is feeling too close.

 

She sounds like she will just add too much drama and break your heart. After this many cycles of making up and breaking up, I think you know where you stand with her. Perhaps the healthiest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation permanantly by ignoring her calls, emails and any other advances she tries on you.

 

It's pretty clear you aren't likely to get what you want from her.

[some-guy]

There isn't a relationship , not even close. We were just friends , although I did have feelings for her , I never said one word about it . I talked to her just like I would to any other friend and I could tell she was uncomfortable at times so I backed away from her. She only does this to me and none of her other ex bf.

[some-guy]

There isn't a relationship , not even close. We were just friends , although I did have feelings for her , I never said one word about it . I talked to her just like I would to any other friend and I could tell she was uncomfortable at times so I backed away from her. She only does this to me and none of her other ex bf.

[patience]

why do you want a friendship with someone who treats you like this?

 

she could be:

 

- a flake

- commitment phobic

- have a personality disorder

- have feelings for someone else

- a user

- selfish

- very confused

 

eventually you'll get tired of this nonsense, and you'll let go for good...maybe you haven't been hurt by her actions enough times yet?

 

she is INCONSISTENT with you, it's a rollercoaster ride you're choosing to jump back onto every chance you get...you KNOW that she does this push/pull stuff with you, it's a pattern, she does it to you every time the two of you get closer...why would you want to experience this?

[ocrob]

Wow, that sounds like a familiar story. After my ex and I broke up the first time she was engaged in three weeks. I did not know this, but knew she was dating. She calls me up and the first thing out of her mouth is that she loves me and then tells me she is engaged. I flipped. After blowing her off for awile I tried getting her back. After she broke up with the guy, she wasn't really up for a relationshiip, but we dated for a few months and she finally just said we were not meant to be. I have been bestfriends with her for about 8 months. Once she started dating a couple of months ago it killed me. I have been preparing to go no contact and move on. I was going to spend one last night with her on thursday because we made plans. Well, she kept asking me about the plans because I have been distancing myself from her. A few days ago she leaves me a voice messages saying she misses me and was thinking about me. I ignored her for a few days. Well, we talk last night and she tells me that she misses me. She then tells me she is in a relationship and goes on to say that she loves me. These are both examples of what I think are women not wanting to lose their support systems. They also want us on back up just in case. I really believe my ex loves me, but is not in love with me. They want it all. They don't want us anymore for a relationship, but still want their friend. They want their cake and to eat it too. I was kind of pissed today, but realized I was planning on getting over her anyway and this gave me closure. I wish her the best and I do not plan on talking to her ever again or until I am completely over her and can be her friend. If they do this on purpose, then they are heartless B's, but I truly believe my ex is a good person and does love me as a friend. It is just unfortunate because the two don't go together. I am embarking on my NC and my goal is not to get her back, but to get over her an move on. I will and so will you!

 

Robert