Better for the ex to feel awkward or comfortable?

[jigsaw]

I went to my ex's art show the other night. We haven't seen each other in 3 months. She is still with her rebound. I know nothing about him, as she doesn't talk about him to me at all. I'm under the impression that he may not know about our past 8 year relationship.

 

Anyhow, she never introduced us at the art show. I figured out who he was from mutual friends. I was very positive and confident, I was not awkward at all. She admitted to a mutual friend at the show that she felt awkward because the guy and I were in the same room. The mutual friend wasn't even introduced, and doesn't even know his name.

 

I would like to get back together with her, but I'm not pressuring her, I'm taking things very slowly, even if that means being just friends for a bit. What do you guys make of this? Is this better than her being comfortable telling me about the guy and introducing us?

 

Thanks!

[misery12]

Here's the thing, if she was completely over you, she wouldn't feel awkward, because awkwardness comes from insecurities around other people who you feel will judge you, basically.

 

So by this, it seems as if she didn't introduce you either because she just doesn't want you two to meet, or it's something else that nobody but her will know.

 

As for getting back with her, do what you're doing.. stay busy and confident, don't let the thought of getting back together rule your days, because you might just be waiting forever. If you two are meant to be together, you'll end up back together without having to strategise your way back with her.

 

Just keep it cool, and if she wants anything with you, she'll come to you.

[jigsaw]

Here's the thing, if she was completely over you, she wouldn't feel awkward, because awkwardness comes from insecurities around other people who you feel will judge you, basically.

 

So by this, it seems as if she didn't introduce you either because she just doesn't want you two to meet, or it's something else that nobody but her will know.

 

As for getting back with her, do what you're doing.. stay busy and confident, don't let the thought of getting back together rule your days, because you might just be waiting forever. If you two are meant to be together, you'll end up back together without having to strategise your way back with her.

 

Just keep it cool, and if she wants anything with you, she'll come to you.

That's pretty much how I was seeing it. When we talk, despite the distance and the break, there's still chemistry. When she broke up with me she said that she thought we were still soulmates and that we'd be best friends. I think she's learning by no intervention on my part that we just don't exist as friends. It's what she decides to do about this that matters.

 

Her dad was there, he said that he misses seeing me. I told him that I miss him too, he told me to bide my time, that she would come around. They don't seem to like the new guy too much.

[heloladies21]

Getting back together will not happen. When a new guy gets involved it's a dead issue. Best thing to do is to move on as you'll just be stringing yourself along otherwise.

 

Being friends with a girl after she dumped you never works to get her back.

[Hleb]

Agree with Heloladies - if a girl got a new man being friends doesn't work. You're still in her life but her life isn't on hold like yours is...if she was single i will say be friends. She can't miss you if you're there for her at her important times !!

[jigsaw]

Don't worry, my life isn't on hold. I'm dating and out doing new things. Anyways, I'm not asking about being friends, I'm asking for speculation on what her discomfort might indicate.

[annie24]

Don't worry, my life isn't on hold. I'm dating and out doing new things. Anyways, I'm not asking about being friends, I'm asking for speculation on what her discomfort might indicate.

 

I honestly think that her discomfort indicates just that - discomfort! It may not even have anything to do with you. In my mind, if I was with a guy on a date, and I saw my ex, I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing them, mostly because I don't want my NEW man to feel uncomfortable.

 

I am picturing it: I am on a date, laughing, having a glass of wine at the art gallery, having a wonderful time with my new sweetie. Do I really want to turn to him and say, "Oh yes, and please meet my ex. We were together for 8 years and went through a bunch of crap at the end." No. I don't want to ruin a totally nice evening with having my date, having him feel squeamish the rest of the time.

 

I second HeloLadies. I don't know why you two broke up, or the circumstances surrounding the situation, but most of the time, moving on and not hoping for a reconciliation is your best bet.

 

good luck.

[jigsaw]

Thanks for your insight annie24! I guess without going into great detail of the situation it'd be hard to understand exactly what is going on and make a fair assesment of the situation. That's fine though, based on what I know I've already come to my conclusions about the evening. Thanks!

[Zerohero]

Getting back together will not happen. When a new guy gets involved it's a dead issue. Best thing to do is to move on as you'll just be stringing yourself along otherwise.

 

Being friends with a girl after she dumped you never works to get her back.

 

this man speaks the truth

[jigsaw]

this man speaks the truth

 

I know several people who's relationships have proven that to be untrue. To each his own, every situation is different.