starting my own personal thread of activities...

[Dogg]

I hooked up my myspace page last night and sent some messages to some cute girls...I can't get on it at work which is where I am now so I have no idea if I got any responses yet, but I'm not really sure that I even care whether I do or not, at least it took my mind off of her for a little while.

 

Anyway, the more tand more that I think of it, the more distressed I feel about the fact that after three years, three years of love and devotion and utter admiration and adoration for one another that she broke up with me and asside from one text on thanksgiving from her and a couple from me the days after, we NEVER speak anymore, no texts, no calls, no emails, no nothing! It really makes me feel bad about myself like I meant nothing to her and that I am so easy to get over and to leave that she is totally fine never speaking to me again. the more and more that I think of it, I feel completely worthless,am I? Again, how in the world is this so damn easy for her? Here I am wanting nothing more than to hear her voice and talk to her and after three f*cken years she has yet to once pick up the phone and call...

 

I read everyones post about them doing NC and ignoring their ex's textx, emails, and calls. I was with my ex for three years and when we broke up, there was no bad blood, no fight, no nothing, and yet she has not even tried to contact me, not accept the thanksgiving text...WHY?????????

[kellbell]

Hey Dogg!

 

Sorry you are feeling like this. No, you are not worthless. So are you saying your self-worth depends on whether or not you with a girl? No way, never base your self-worth on that. I am sure this is not easy for her too. It just seems easy on your end. She is not contacting you because she knows it's for the best for the both of you, whether you believe or not. She can't move on with her life and neither could you. I know you want to hear from her but it will cause you more pain. Hang in there and keep writing.

[Echo]

Hey Dogg...

 

Keep your chin up....things will calm down.

 

Let me ask you a question? Even IF your ex called...but she didn't want to lead you on or give you false hope...most likely she would try to keep the

conversation on ANYTHING but the relationship....ie, the weather, recent events, etc...all the while you'll be DYING to discuss the two of you. The conversation would be strained and weird...while you try to put on a front and act OK with it. Is this the kind of communication you want? Because it's EXACTLY what you're gonna get. It is VERY frustrating to talk to an ex...especially so soon. She won't tell you what you want to hear..in fact it will probably leave you in more distress than before. I know you want to hear from your ex...but believe me..I am going through it NOW. On one hand I am grateful I talked to my ex again..but on the other hand I KNOW I will NEVER be satisfied with things as they are.....so I am not doing that to myself anymore. I'm closing this book..and moving on for real..and MAYBE we can really be 'friends" one day...but not now.

 

So ask yourself Dogg.....Would I REALLY be ok with talking to her right now?? Knowing how the outcome will be? Think about it....

[Dogg]

I just checked my email and I saw that I had gotten some messages on myspace from some of the girls that I had sent messages too last night. I can't check them now, cause the site is blocked at my job so I'll have to wait until I get home. question: should I even begin talking to girls when I'm nowhere near over my ex? If the answer is yes, how do you initiate good contacts using myspace or any other way for that matter? I go out to the bars a lot with frineds, but its just so hard to meet girls there, any suggestions?

[Anthony M]

question: should I even begin talking to girls when I'm nowhere near over my ex? If the answer is yes, how do you initiate good contacts using myspace or any other way for that matter? I go out to the bars a lot with frineds, but its just so hard to meet girls there, any suggestions?

 

Of course! Start now so by the time your ex sees your profile she'll notice the dates left under your comments. The dates are very important because she'll know why you never called, texted, or emailed all this time. She'll start to think that all this time you've been busy with your social life and that's exactly what you want her to do is think think think!

 

Leave innocent comments like, "Hey sweetie! Thanks for the add! Talk to you soon!" And they will do the same. In no time you'll get the hang of myspace.

 

As for the bar question: your problem is when you go out you expect to meet girls. What you should do is go out and don't even think about meeting girls. If that's the only reason you go out to bars is to meet girls then you won't and you'll be frusturated the entire night. The objective is to go out and have fun with no expectations!

[Dogg]

good call man, and even if she never does see my profile, at least I'll have some new contacts and possibly connectins with some hotties right...I guess at this point I have nothing to lose really...god I can't wait to get out of here and check the mesages on myspace just to see what thay say...

[Anthony M]

If you really want your ex to know, email one of her close friends or even mention it to them about myspace. Tell them you have a profile and would like to invite them as your friend (they never say no). But don't do it now! Wait until you have enough comments and at least a month go by.

[Dogg]

here I am, just when I think that I am doing better, my subconscioous takes over! last night i had a dream about my ex. It was a great dream, but when I woke up of course I feel like crap again and just start thinking about things. god I wish that she would just show me some kind of sign that she is even thinking about me!

[coooolsome]

You know what, I dream about other girls and when I wake up I miss her. It will go away with time. I remember the first month I had 4 dreams. 2 good ones and 2 bad ones. The good ones were of her coming back to me and us being happy and then I wake up. The other 2 were of her breaking up with me in different way and it hurt so much and I would wake up crying.

 

I dont have those anymore. You wont either.

[Dogg]

its been a little more than two weeks since I have had any sort of contact with my ex at all. the last time as you may or may not know was after she had contacted me on thanksgiving just to wish me a happy thanksgiving, then I wrote her back some texts about how I was feeling and how I wanted her back and misses her (not smart I know). since then, I have had total NC. Actually asside from what I just wrote, it sbeen pretty much NC the entire time since the breakup, again aside from a couple of textx by me in the very beginning, then two weeks after the initial breakup, a call by me again asking her how she was feeling and having her say that she just does not want to be with me anymore.

 

anyway, I have beeen doing alright. I mean I think about her all the time obviously, I wonder what she is doing, how she is doing etc. but I have not contacted her at all. what still bothers me alot, is that she has not attempted to contact me either! what does this mean? we wer trogether for three years and then all of a sudden I get nothing! this makes me feel really bad!!! why has she not even tried to contact me? I am starting to become scared that NC is making this easier on her. easier for her to forget everything!

 

her birthday is coming up (the 20th) to be exact and I am really stuck on what to do, everyone on this forum has been completely against doing anything for her in terms of a simple card or something, but i just have this feeling maybe its only because I'm not thinking clearly, that if I do not do SOMETHING, that that in her eyes will be the final straw, and she will forever wright me off. I do not know what to do. this coming days will be very difficult for me, our anniversary is the 20th, then xmas, new years and all that!!!!!

 

I have been talking to a few girls on myspace and meetning some new people in real life too. I even have a kindd of date thing tomorrow, but I just do not feel right about it being that I still am very much in love with my ex!!!

 

I am just simply losing faith in things. I feel like she is the type of person who will not call or contact me because she is embarrased and feels bad, and is scared to do so and does not want to hurt her own sense of pride by contacting so that is why she is not doing it. I feel like I am just pushing her away more and more and losing more and more time with her and chances by continuing NC. I do not want this to happen. I do not want uys to grow farther apart!!!!! I just do not know what to do!!!! I'm really scared!

[Dogg]

I feel really guilty about my little "date" tomorrow with the girl that I have been talking to on myspace. just thinking about it makes me cringe. don't get me wrong I am excite dtoo, this girl seems really cool and she is HOT from looking at her pics, but still...I just want my ex back, I miss her so much...

[kellbell]

Hey Dogg!

 

Glad to see you are hanging in there and meeting new people. You feel guilty about meeting someone new because you are not even close of getting over your ex. You are that relationship mode frame of mind. That will go away as time goes on. Maybe you are not ready to date just yet and that's ok. Don't push yourself into something your heart is not into. I don't want see you get hurt any more than you have been. But let us know how everything goes. Hang in there Dogg, you are doing great.

[coooolsome]

Dogg, if you do something for her birthday, make sure it is just a card. That is it, no presents, no surprises. A birthday card shows that you care about her and nothing more shows that you are giving her, her space and that you are moving on. Dont do anything other than that.

[Dogg]

even though I do feel guilty and a little uneasy about going out on my "date" tomorrow, I am still definiltly gonna go. for one thing, I'm not even really taking it as a date, jst a chnace to meet somone that I may find to be interesting and worth continuing "talking" to, and also, I mean come on, she is HOT, what self respecting guy would give up the chance to see someone that is just genuinly good looking to see how things go, and three even though I may feel guilty, I do not have a girlfriend, I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get these guilty feelings like I would be upsetting her. One because she came right out and said that she did not want to be with me, and also, she knows how I feel and has not even attempted to contact me, so if she gets mad screw her right...anyway, she probably will not find out, its also no big deal, and I probably would not tell her if we did speak anyway, and we haven't so I don't know why I am even writing this. GOD I must sound like a complete lunatic!!! wait, I'm gonna read this over...Oh man I DO sound like a lunatic!!!! Is there a breakup stage thats called, "inventing situations that never happened and may never happen to devise plans that may never be implemented simply because your still madly in love with a girl who broke your heart and hasn't even called you in a month stage" because I think that is the stage that I just reached!!!!! ha ha ha at least I can still laugh at myslef right???? Jesus, I neeed a drink and its only 10:40 in the morning!!!!!J/K I'm at wor right now and my students are all taking a test so I have nothing else to do but stir up these CRAZY things in my head and make myself crazy and entertain you all by sounding like a complete and total psychopathic LOSER!!!! anyway, more to come as these ridiculous thoughts come in t o my head...

[moondog627]

what still bothers me alot, is that she has not attempted to contact me either! what does this mean? we wer trogether for three years and then all of a sudden I get nothing! this makes me feel really bad!!! why has she not even tried to contact me? I am starting to become scared that NC is making this easier on her. easier for her to forget everything!

 

You know what this means. You said it yourself...

 

then two weeks after the initial breakup, a call by me again asking her how she was feeling and having her say that she just does not want to be with me anymore.

 

It's time to accept her word and the fact that she doesn't want to be with you. I know it sounds horrible but the longer you hold onto hope the longer it's gonna take for you to heal. Step back and look at yourself. Look at what she's doing to you. Don't let her have that control. C'mon man regain yourself. Is this how you were before you met your ex? I doubt it. Let it all go man. You can live without her. I know it seems scary as hell to let the one you love so much go but if you're not getting that love in return than what's the point. Trust and believe in yourself. You'll become so much stronger from all of this. But first you have to walk away.

[Dogg]

hard as all hell!!!!! I think that I have done a reaonably good job of letting go, I mean of course I still think about her all the time, and wonder about things, but I KNOW that I can not contact her, 1. because I have nothing to say that I have not said already, 2. becaus I do still have enough pride in myslef that I do not ever want t o be considered a chu8mp weak loser by her! 3. because I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me!!!! If she wants me back, she will have to do some work, I hope that she eventually does, but if not, its her loss because she does not know what we could and would have had!

[Dogg]

well, my "date" did not happen last night. we spoke and just decided that it more or less was not a good day for either of us. I was truly and honestly not at all disappointed but actually a bit releived as ridiculous as that sounds. the thought of going on a date was really making me feel quite uneasy and nervousa like I was doing somehting wrong! I think that it may be the fact that tomorrow is my ex's birthday and that I am still wondering and soul searching about what if anything I should do about it? I think that I am going to send a card today, or maybe just a quick text tomorrow, or do nothing....I don't even know anymore, all I do know is that I still think about her and care about her immensly and do not want her to think that I am a huge a** hole for not remembering her birthday, I know alot of you will say that that does not matter and that I should not care about what she thinks, but I do.

[kellbell]

Hi Dogg!

 

It's ok to feel the way you feel. I think you may not be ready to go out yet, no matter how casual or innocent it is. And that is ok to, you are were completely taken aback by this whole break-up, the holidays are coming, her birthday is tomorrow....this is the hardest time of year when you are in a situation like this. We all know what it's like, we all have have had this happen to us at one point in our lives. It can be really hard and a big test on our wits.

 

Maybe a simple text would suffice, that you remembered and you don't look like a jerk. I know she knows you are not. But it's up to you how you are going to handle this but we are all trying to keep you from getting hurt or disappointed. Hang in there and keep talking to us about how you are doing.

[Dogg]

well after some careful thinking and much deliberating, I went out during my lunch today and picked out a birthday card for my ex. it is a very simple card that says not much more than something like you are a very special person, wishing you the best on your birthday or somehting to that effect. i am back at work, the card is in my car, I have not filled it out yet, 1. becaus I do not know what to write, 2. because I'm still not sure if should send it or not. Also, if I want her to get it on her birthday (tomorrow) I wuld have to drop it of in her mailbox tomorrow after work while she is still working which is no big deal because she gets off at 6 and I get off at 3, but I'm worried how she may take that...like I'm driving by her house and stuff which I'm not at all...what do you all think????????

[Anthony M]

what do you all think????????

 

Did you not learn from Thanksgiving?

 

I'll bet you all the money in the world that she's expecting you to do something on her bday. Anything from a card, a text, or even a phone call to wish her a happy bday.

[AC874]

Dont do it Dogg.

 

Seriously.

[Dogg]

I just do not really see the point of not sendnign her a card. Yes, I did learn from thanksgiving, I learned not to be such a blithering idiot and send her ridiculous text messages about things that I'm feeling. I learned that I will and can't do that again, and I know that I won't!!!! I just feel that sending her a nice simple card is the right things to do, to show her that I do care and that I did remember her birthday. we were together for three years, I don't want to look like an a** hole either, and again I know that some of you will say that it doesn't matter, but it does nto me if I have hopes of ever getting her back EVER...why are you all so adamit about not sending her a card? I really would like to know, I do not expect a response at all, nor will I be waiting by the phone for one, nor will I text her or call her afterwards, this is just to let her know that I was thinking of her on her birthday and that I care...whats wrong with that? I'm really not being a jerk and shooting down what epople are saying or their advice, I just don't really understand it...or the reasons behind it...please explain so that I can see better...

[Lil Punkin]

Dogg...

 

Your EX will NOT think you're a jerk for not remembering her birthday. If it were your birthday tomorrow, do you think she would be stressing out about

what to get YOU? Probably not. Dogg, your intentions are in the right place..but the point for NO CONTACT is just that. NO CONTACT!! I am almost positive if your ex does not hear from you tomorrow, she will understand why. It's NOT YOUR job or responsibilty to remember her birthday, etc....harsh as that sounds, it's a reality. She fired you from that job. So making excuses...ie, "it's the right thing to do", "I'll feel bad"..is merely a way of letting yourself off the hook for breaking NC....BUT you're gonna do what you wanna do. So just be prepared for the consequences.

 

Good luck

[coooolsome]

Send her a card, text, email whatever you want. Just make sure you dont expect anything from it. If you send it with the expectation of her calling to say thank you or you think it will change her mind, you will just set yourself up for more hurt. I dont think there is anything wrong with sending a card or text but make sure you expect nothing in return.

[kellbell]

Dogg,

 

Who cares what others think, at least of all people, your ex? She didn't think about how you would feel when she broke up with you. She thought about herself and her happiness and now I think it's time for you to do the same. I think a text is more than enough. But if you send that card, send it with no expectations. Because you are just going to get hurt.