How do you find the ONE?

[CarterJonas]

I haven't started a thread in a long time but I have been thinking a lot about the above recently.

 

Somewhere in the world is our significant other. More than likely there is 'more than' one person who will fall into this category. Now, if they had to find you, how would they do it? They don't know your name, where you live or anything..

 

So it seems like a lost cause, needle in a haystack-type situation But all the OH has to do to find "YOU" is to look at themselves...because they are in effect the other half of you.

 

So if you do what "YOU" do then this will naturally lead you to your other half, right? As an example, keeping fit, clubbing, even reading clubs! What I'm getting at is common interests.

 

What I'm trying to say is that to find the 'ONE' you need to put yourself about in circles that interest you. No point in forcing yourself to do things that don't interest you.

 

I understand it is a lot easier said than done, but if you don't put yourself about into those situations, will anything ever change?

 

Don't know what you all think?

[QTpie87]

Well he is my ex now but I believe with everything in my heart that he is the one. I met him cause I had decided to go hang out with some new people (kinda just invited myself and now they are all my best friends) at college the first week. We were going to the water fall. I met him in the parking lot, the first thing I thought when I saw him was wow this guy thinks high of himself, well we get to the waterfall and he's the only one who wont swim, drove me crazy, lol. Long story short we ended up being good friends, I ended up dating his loser room mate (who is now gone thank god), and I didn't know this till a while ago but when we were all drunk and my other ex wasn't there daniel said I messed up and should have dated him not his room mate (didn't remember cause I was drunk, shameful I know). I didn't want to date him for a long time and he just kept trying and tryign and told me to stop shrugging him off, I finally did and we ended up really liking eachother and goign out. We aren't dating now and that's mostly my fault but I want to get him back so bad cause I feel empty with out him.

[sorryJason]

I do believe in finding the one true person, that you are meant to be with, but I don't believe that they will be in your social group or hang out at the same places you do, they might, but I wouldn't count on it, usually it is people that you never could imagine meeting will end up being a good mate to you. They seem to drop out of the sky when you least expect it! I would say keep on the look out wherever you are, almost all the people I know have met their partners when they were least expecting it, at places that people don't usually "hook up" eg the bar, or in their normal group of friends.

 

I think if there is someone out there for each of us, you might just miss them if you are not looking, or not ready for them. It is kind of exciting to think that there might be someone out there looking for you, while you are looking for them, I really hope that is true. And if it is I think that you have to be YOU, the real YOU, the true you, then and only then can your mate find you, when you are who you are supposed to be inside and out, they will be able to recognize you as their other half.

 

Remember when looking for your mate: "Never give up, never surrender" until you find that person. You will meet them when you least expect it.

 

Congratulations to all of you who have found this person, and good luck to those of us who have yet to find that "special one".

[acuraman]

My friend emailed this to me so I thought I would share it with this forum:

 

THE ONE:

 

 

Find a someone: who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you

back when you hang up on them, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

 

Wait for the person who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off

to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of

their friends.

 

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much they care

about you and how lucky they are to have you.

 

Wait for the one who turns to their friends and says, "...that's the

one."

[teacup]

i dont believe in the one. i plan to fall in and out of love many many times.

 

hopefully i'll do more heart breaking than getting broken. i hope.

[shes2smart]

As I have said here before, I believe the concept of "the ONE" is something that causes people more angst and misery than necessary. It puts pressure on every interaction you have with any person you have a romantic interest in. If the concept of "the ONE" is something that works in your life, that's cool. However, I have seen too many people (myself included) stay in bad relationships, do damage to their serenity/self-esteem or otherwise cause harm to themselves with this concept.

 

I also think that searching for a compatible person is a little like chasing after happiness. The more you look (and the more desperately you look), the less likely you are to find it. Every halfway decent relationship I've been in has happened when I've just been going about my business and doing things I wanted to do and was interested in.

 

When I met the man I'd end up marrying, I had seriously given up on finding someone I'd want to make a lifelong commitment to. Oh, sure, I knew I would date and I'd have relationships, but I was figuring I'd be single for the duration. I had even gone to a lawyer and had my will drawn up as if that would be the case, set up financial plans as if that would be the case, and was saving money to buy a house on my own. While I knew that I wanted to get married, I also knew that it wasn't going to kill me if I didn't.

 

If you talk to people who are in good relationships, you're likely to find that there's some element of chance involved in their meeting. In my case, my husband happened to stumble accross a barely-filled out profile of mine on a website. I had completely forgotten I had put up a profile there, and the only information it contained was my age, the fact I was single, my general geographic location and my yahoo messenger ID. That's it. Nothing more. He IM'ed me, and my first impression of him was "what an arrogant little twit."

 

He was, however, a persistent arrogant little twit, and while he didn't show up when I expected, how I expected or was anything like I expected (he's 11 years younger than I am), he was exactly what I needed and wanted in a husband. But I really believe that meeting only came about because I was focused on making my own life a great place to be, and not focused on searching for someone else to make it complete.

[sorryJason]

Just wanted to ask shes2smart a question, you said "The more you look (and the more desperately you look), the less likely you are to find it. Every halfway decent relationship I've been in has happened when I've just been going about my business and doing things I wanted to do and was interested in" and then you go on to say that you met your husband by setting up a profile on a dating site? Is that not looking?

 

I am not trying to be mean, but I think most people have this idea that their perfect mate will fall from the sky when you least expect it and they will be "perfect" I don't believe in that, I think if I waited all my life for someone to fall from the sky, I would be married to either rain or snow !

 

I do believe that some people do just get lucky, but for most of us, we have to keep our eyes (and hearts) open!

[shes2smart]

Just wanted to ask shes2smart a question, you said "The more you look (and the more desperately you look), the less likely you are to find it. Every halfway decent relationship I've been in has happened when I've just been going about my business and doing things I wanted to do and was interested in" and then you go on to say that you met your husband by setting up a profile on a dating site? Is that not looking?

 

Never said it was a dating site. It was an online community with a shared interest, message boards & articles. In order to access the message boards & articles, it was necessary to have a free membership. I was not looking for anyone from there to contact me, which is why there was the bare minimum of information on the profile. If I recall, I only filled out what was mandatory to get an ID to utilize the site...and given how rarely I even log into Yahoo messenger, contacting me that way could take days, weeks or even a month before I'd get the message.

 

The only thing I was looking for was access to the website.

[ShySoul]

I also think that searching for a compatible person is a little like chasing after happiness. The more you look (and the more desperately you look), the less likely you are to find it. Every halfway decent relationship I've been in has happened when I've just been going about my business and doing things I wanted to do and was interested in.

 

I agree completely. When you look you put pressure on yourself. You are so focused on finding someone that it can easily consume you to the point where that is all you think about. Each possibility gets magnified and you make him or her everything and your one and only chance. If the relationship does not work out, then you are just left more devastated and lonely before. Love does find us when we aren't looking.

 

The few brushes with romance I've had have always come about from just living my everyday life. Just meeting someone in class, doing a tutoring job, chatting own websites.... I have never looked for love, the possibilites always come my way when I least expect.

 

We do meet our soulmates through the course of everyday life. The trick is that once we find someone naturally, to embrace it and not be afraid of what is there. That is when you make the effort, to show your interest, work through any difficulties that come up, and to make sure you both know just how deeply you feel for each other.

 

The only problem with "the one" concept is when people begin to focus too much on it. If it becomes top priority, then it can easily overwhelm the person and make them feel worse for not having it. So live your own life. Focus on being the best you that you can be. Focus on your own interests and hobbies. That way you can be your real, authentic self and others will be drawn to you.

[sorryJason]

Sorry shes2smart, your post makes more sense to me now, that you say that it was not a dating site.

 

I guess some of us are just impatient, to find out true loves. I have also seen too many old men, women, alone and don't want to end up like that, I want to find that best friend to grow old with, I actually had it then I lost it due to nothing but my own fault. I hope I can find someone else as good as my ex was.

 

Here's hoping for all of us.