3 days, Why hasn't he called?

[sbrew21]

i guess just because out of the four months we have been dating we have never gone more than a day without speaking to each other. Just wondering if something might be up. And I know calling him will find my answer but I want him to miss me too by not calling.

[sbrew21]

also just last week he told me how crazy he is about me and loves being with me. so its just confusing that's all.

[kellbell]

Ok, if he has a great track record with keeping his promises and only this week something is different, then something must be amiss. But let him call you first. When things clear up, I am sure you will hear from him. Like I said before, in my experience (not trying to generalize here guys) men are terrible at prioritizing, especially when it comes to relationships. Just hang in there and sit tight. Let us know what happens.

[RayKay]

i guess, i just want him to pursue me.

 

But do you ever pursue HIM?

 

Even someone who likes a challenge gets awfully tired of chasing and being in something that to them feels one sided.

 

A good quality relationship does not have partners keeping score.

[sbrew21]

i pursue him a lot! you are right. its gets tiring always chasing and that's why i don't want to do it anymore.

[annie24]

I do that in very beginning of relationships myself, just to see what happens. Like, "If I don't call him, how long before he calls me?" And if I never hear from him again, I guess that is my answer. However, I'm kind of concerned that things seem kind of "up in the air" after 4 months. I'd think that things would be a little more stable by then....

[RayKay]

I do that in very beginning of relationships myself, just to see what happens. Like, "If I don't call him, how long before he calls me?" And if I never hear from him again, I guess that is my answer. However, I'm kind of concerned that things seem kind of "up in the air" after 4 months. I'd think that things would be a little more stable by then....

 

Ditto, after 4 months you should have a pretty good idea of how each other feels, and what's normal for the both of you, and how things are going.

[sbrew21]

well i did think things were stable. But now I am not so sure!

[kellbell]

That's why you should talk to him just to clear things up. No sense in getting into a stir until you know for sure what's up. This could be all a misunderstanding.

[sbrew21]

yea, i just get impatient, and i am trying to hold off on calling as long as I can until I just can't do it anymore. I just really want him to call me and if he doesn't call then I know he isn't that into me and I will give him all his clothes back and that's it.

[annie24]

yea, i just get impatient, and i am trying to hold off on calling as long as I can until I just can't do it anymore. I just really want him to call me and if he doesn't call then I know he isn't that into me and I will give him all his clothes back and that's it.

 

well, no, I'm not saying that this is a dealbreaker just yet. Just, I don't know - evaluate how things are going and how the relationship makes you feel. If you feel on pins and needles all the time with him, maybe this isn't the right guy for you. If you feel fine and relaxed, then the relationship is good. I had to learn this lesson myself the hard way. Why be with someone who makes you feel anxious?

[kellbell]

Well, give it a day or so and see what happens. Try to occupy yourself with other things, go out with your friends, clean up your house. Try not to envelop your entire happiness and peace of mind with this guy, when you do that, you will be in real trouble IF things don't work out. You wait and see, he will text or call you when you will least expect it, it always seems to work out that way. It's like when you keep looking for a guy, and look and look, no luck, but when you give up and back off, then bam!! There he is. Funny how that works.

[sbrew21]

i know you are right. its just hard. When we are together things are so amazing. Its the whole getting together that's the hard part. ugh! But I was going to give it until thursday and hopefully he calls or texts by then.

[tommyJ]

sbrew21,

 

I am new to this posing site and have read your situation. I'm sure a large number of us have been in this situation before (myself, more than once).

 

There are a number of books that analyse this situation from different perspectives. I have read many of them: "Why Men Love *edit *es" by Sherry Argov, "He's just not that into you", "The Rules", etc...

 

My take on it is that if he hasn't called you: DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! No matter what your friends say. I am a strong believer that Man should chase Woman. I know I am old fashioned but trust me. Men are hunters and they love the chase. I dont' think they ever tire of it.

 

sbrew21, waiting for a call sucks big time. My experience with it is that I get so anxious I feel sick and then I give in and call. When I do, they guy sounds distant and preoccupied only to make me feel more like crap.

 

Maybe your situation is different, but 9 x out of 10, this is usually the response I get.

 

Let me know what the outcome is.

 

Jackie

[sbrew21]

I love you.....Jackie, haha j/k. Honestly, i needed to hear the DO NOT CALL slogan. I think the guy likes the chase too. Its just so freakin hard when you like someone so much and you don't know what they are thinking. Sure I can ask them but I feel like you are always given the run around especially so soon in a relationship. Plus I don't want to call or text just to get rejected because then I would feel worse. I am just trying to stay strong and not analyze it so much. Uh, stupid boys.

[RayKay]

 

There are a number of books that analyse this situation from different perspectives. I have read many of them: "Why Men Love *edit*es" by Sherry Argov, "He's just not that into you", "The Rules", etc...

 

My take on it is that if he hasn't called you: DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! No matter what your friends say. I am a strong believer that Man should chase Woman. I know I am old fashioned but trust me. Men are hunters and they love the chase. I dont' think they ever tire of it.

 

 

In my experience what you end up with is a guy whom loves chasing, and not a guy whom wants you for you and is interested in you for you. Sure some men love the chase, but many I know also like to feel some feedback and some shared interest.

 

Then you always feel in a way you can't be yourself, or have a partnership, lest he lost interest.

 

For some that may be what they want, but I prefer a balanced relationship, where he is with me because I AM me. And I did find that.

 

Sure, in every relationship some aloofness and independence is important to maintain your individuality, but it would seem when it's artificially create to maintain his interest, it's not very satisfying in the long run. Do you really want to be running your entire life to keep his interest level there?

 

Just my thougts anyway...might work for some, but it really depends on the people involved, and what they aspire to have in a relationship.

[sbrew21]

i think you always have to keep each other on their toes or it will never last. If a relationship is too predictable then its not going to work in the long run. I do agree that you should be with the person for who they are, and of course you need it to be balanced. I want that more than anything, however, in my situation I don't feel a balance since he hasn't called. And if he doesn't want to be with me anymore then I want him to have the balls to tell me. I don't think I should have to pry it out of him. That's a cheap way out.

[RayKay]

i think you always have to keep each other on their toes or it will never last. If a relationship is too predictable then its not going to work in the long run. I do agree that you should be with the person for who they are, and of course you need it to be balanced. I want that more than anything, however, in my situation I don't feel a balance since he hasn't called. And if he doesn't want to be with me anymore then I want him to have the balls to tell me. I don't think I should have to pry it out of him. That's a cheap way out.

 

I agree that some excitement is necessary.

 

As my partner and I say, we have enough sames to get along beautifully, and enough differences to learn from one another and keep thngs exciting.

 

I think the issue here is you don't KNOW what he is doing or thinking. He could be lying in bed with the flu - I don't feel much like talking to anyone when I am like that! Give him a couple more days as you said you would, and take it from there.

[sbrew21]

That is true, he could be sick, bad mood, studying, who knows. I would just feel better if he would clue me in. Or it takes a whole 30 seconds to send a text message me. Maybe he met someone else. It could be either way. I just wish I knew.

[RayKay]

That is true, he could be sick, bad mood, studying, who knows. I would just feel better if he would clue me in. Or it takes a whole 30 seconds to send a text message me. Maybe he met someone else. It could be either way. I just wish I knew.

 

If you are exclusive, and he met someone else, then you would be better off without him.

 

How were things until this point?

[sbrew21]

I thought things were pretty well. I have seen him a lot. He does live accross the street from me so its just frustrating to see his car home and knowing he isn't calling. When we are together things are amazing. He isn't a phone person, which is fine. I just don't know, I was confident about our relationship until this not calling thing.

[RayKay]

I thought things were pretty well. I have seen him a lot. He does live accross the street from me so its just frustrating to see his car home and knowing he isn't calling. When we are together things are amazing. He isn't a phone person, which is fine. I just don't know, I was confident about our relationship until this not calling thing.

 

Most often guys will call to set up a date, if he is not able to make one, maybe he isn't calling. I don't know. If you have not heard from him, call him and touch base and figure out what to do from there.

 

Did he fly out of town or anything, anything he mentioned?

 

I don't know!

[sbrew21]

No he was in town I just don't know why all of a sudden he doesn't want to see me or talk to me or just let me know he's thinking about me.

[sbrew21]

gosh, i don't think i can wait it out. I mean I want to but its really starting to get under my skin. I am going to the movies with some of my friends. I think i might have to call him or text him afterwards. The not knowing is starting to get to me. arggggg!

[tommyJ]

Plus I don't want to call or text just to get rejected because then I would feel worse. I am just trying to stay strong and not analyze it so much. Uh, stupid boys.

 

Absolutely. Not giving in and calling will pay off in the end. Everytime I have called a guy and didn't get the response or tone that I wanted I would get off the phone and analyse it with 100 different people. Soooo much wasted energy and you are so much better than that.

 

Take it from an old cougar like me (in my 30s) with experience dating. I know it sounds cliched but it's true, there are so many worthy guys out there and you only see this clearly after you've dated a "few bad men".

 

When I was dating, I didn't have Text msging or MSN. There are just way too many means of contact out there which makes it too easy to keep checking to see if he contacted you.

 

It's easier said than done - go to the gym, have a glass of wine, buy some of the books I mentioned and read them. Anything which will distract you from thinking about him.

 

Jackie