Saw ex for the first time in over 2 months...

[OCD]

Hi all,

Well, first of all I had a great time on my date last night. It really gave me the confidence I need to move on in the right direction and gave me some hope that I didn't have before. But then today came...I went to the store this morning to get a few things and felt like I was on top of the world. I stayed up late talking to this girl I've been chatting with and finally decided to go out last night, it was fun. So I was a little tired today, but felt completley energized, it was great. As I was walking to check out of the store with my things guess who walks in the store????? MY EX!!! Now, this is the first time I have seen her in over 2 months and she was with her son, who I miss as well...When she broke up with me it was over the phone so I really hadn't seen her since all of this junk happened. Our eyes meet first and so I smiled and waved...she smiled and waved back...as we got closer to each other her son sees me...he had a huge smile on his face and said HEY! and my name. At this pointe I had anger, sadness, hapiness, just about every emtion known to man hit me all at once, like a punch in the stomach...So I looked at my ex and thought to myself - "BE FRIENDLY DUDE, don't be an idiot!!" So I said "Hi guys, how's it going?" and kept moving on...they both said Hi, good thanks. She almost seemed to want to stop and chat, but I just kept moving and made it brief but polite, smiling the whole time...Right now all of those feelings came back of how much I miss her and her son. I sat in my car after that just a complete reck almost crying, it really did hurt all over again because I used to go to the store with them on days like this, I miss those days so much...I'm not sure how she felt, but by the look on her face I could tell those wheels were turning big time...So needless to say I could use some advice on this one again. I was doing so well, but this set me back; Afterwards I thought maybe I should have stopped and talked to her for a little bit, but the pain was setting in and I didn't want to say or do anything stupid, so I moved on as politley as I could. I know I shouldn't think about what she felt or is thinking but I really can't help it at this pointe...I was doing so well, but now I'm hurt and I just wanted to give her a big hug and hold her in my arms like we did just 2 months ago...Thanks for any advice you can give to get me over this hump today...I need it at the moment...Thanks.

[sibling295]

ocd - i am sooooo proud of you for not caving in in front of her. Trust me her wheels are spinning too. breathe just breathe - do not contact her - she must come back to you. You hear me - SHE must come back to you. Please just continue what you are doing - keep up with the confidence. dont back down now -

[PB]

I think you handled it wonderfully well...

[OCD]

Thanks for the kind words...it really goes a long way at this point. I handled it the best way I knew how and what I've read here. The advice being don't ignore her, then don't act like you miss her and be all gushy, and also don't be a jerk. So I sucked it up and put a huge smile on my face and kept moving...I didn't stop to talk to her, it was just in passing. Do you think I should have stopped to chat for a bit?? I really did want to talk to her trust me, there's no one on the planet that I'd want to be with, but I also was feeling hurt that I couldn't walk the store with them like we used to. Sibling...I guess you're right that she must come back to me, that is true. There is nothing more I can do, I just can't understand how she didn't get that same feeling I had?? We were together for almost 2 years and for her not to feel like running over and holding me just baffles me?! That was the first time we saw each other and it brought back so many feelings it's weird...I hope you're right about her wheels spinning because mine certainly are....thanks again!

[PB]

I just can't understand how she didn't get that same feeling I had?? We were together for almost 2 years and for her not to feel like running over and holding me just baffles me?!

 

We sometimes think that our reality is the same reality that others experience, so we assume that others (especially those we care about) think as we do--they often don't.

 

That is why relationships come to an end. Each person has their own totally separate perspective on what is happening (or what happened). Obviously, if the two of you were thinking the same thoughts about your relationship, you'd still be together right? She looked at it differently than you, or she would not have left. Try to look at it through her eyes. What was she not getting from you that might cause her to be unhappy about continuing your relationship?

[OCD]

Those are good points and perhaps she was looking at our relationship differently. I honestly can't think of why she left...her reason is that she needed space and time because we met about 6-8 months after her divorce of a 9 year marriage. She felt that she didn't have enough "her time" to get things in perspective after that, but she said our relationship was great, couldn't be better and that I didn't do anything wrong. That's why I say our feelings were mutual and she even agreed; and that the attraction was certainly there. Also that's why I just don't understand how she didn't want to come to me today...those feelings are hard to hold back on my end. Thanks.

[sibling295]

ocd - geez man - love is fickle - i dont know the answers - not at all.

But I do know that man she did want to come to you .She did . But something stops her. Something says NO inside of her. You just have to keep going on. Look she has the child that loves you , i know that kid misses you and prob asks about you allot. But you cant contact her - you just cant - that NO inside her mind has to quiet down first - just keep staying positive .. Keep up the confidence - take walks - work out - whatever releases stress. From now on I only want to read posts from you that are positive - kay?? You cant control her - or her thoughts - you must let go.. Let go ... If she comes back then great. But she broke upwith you - she has to come back.

[OCD]

You got it Sib, nothing but positive posts from now on...lol I know I can't control her and I try not to worry about that...I learned that a long time ago - don't worry about things you can't control. So i move on, sorry I'll try to be a little more positive, Ok. There is a ton of things in my life that I'm thankful for...it's not that bad...thanks again for being here.

 

OCD

[sibling295]

good job my man !!!

Lots to be thankful for - A friggin truckload !!

A good woman will only compliment your happiness - it may be your ex it may not. But trust me - a good man is hard to find , be that great MAN. Everyday, my friend.

[OCD]

Yep, that's all I ever wanted to be - that Great Man. Understanding, caring, funny, thoughtful, strong, faithful, loyal, etc...things will work themselves out I'm sure, it's just a little painful for now. I'll get through this with my chin up the whole way! I have to run, thanks again I really appreciate your honesty.

 

OCD

[coooolsome]

Congrats OCD. You did great. You may think this set you back but it didnt. You will always feel those feelings but you were able to control them and you are able to recover. Let her come to you. Good luck.

[OCD]

Thanks coooolsome, I did the best I could. I was actually pretty numb during the whole thing...I didn't want to just blow her off, that would have been the wrong move, so I just said "Hi guys, how's it going?" and kept moving along...I did wait for their response of "Good, thanks" and then I kept going. My ex stopped, that's why I thought she wanted to chat for a bit because she was just looking at me. I really didn't give her the chance, but I tried to be friendly and smiled the whole time and on I went. Do you think she wanted to chat and was set back that I didn't stop to talk to her? I know it doesn't really matter because I moving on, but I'm just curious I guess. Thanks.

[Hawk]

OCD I hope when my time comes I deal with it like you did - and you will be all those things that you want to be some day and someone will think you are the most wonderful person fo doing it.

[Not Thinking]

OCD you hit the nail right on the head. The only thing I make the daily effort to do in my life is just be a "good man". It can be with someone or more importantly for yourself. I consider myself a good person and I am sure that one day, it is going to come back to me ten fold. By the way you handled the situation very well...congrats!

[OCD]

Thanks all for the words of encouragement, they really go a long ways and makes me feel better...I was feeling kind of down yesterday, but after hearing that I really did pretty good makes all of those bad feelings go away! Thanks guys and good luck to all.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Congrats OCD. You did great. You may think this set you back but it didnt. You will always feel those feelings but you were able to control them and you are able to recover. Let her come to you. Good luck.

 

Hi guys,

I was just looking at this post and was thinking about the 'let her come to you' portion...I don't know why, but I did think that I'd get a phone call after seeing her the other day. Pehaps it was wishful thinking...but I should be looking past that, right. It's usually at this time of night where I get this feeling in my stomach about my ex and that I'm unable to communicate with her...maybe it's just another weak moment that will pass...I did speak to my friend tonight and had a great conversation. I just wish that part of me that loves my ex would go away for good...I just have that small bit of hope that I love someone and I need to do everything to get her back. Maybe that's the wrong attitude, but I really have done all that I could. Thanks everyone for being here...

[Zerohero]

We sometimes think that our reality is the same reality that others experience, so we assume that others (especially those we care about) think as we do--they often don't.

 

That is why relationships come to an end. Each person has their own totally separate perspective on what is happening (or what happened). Obviously, if the two of you were thinking the same thoughts about your relationship, you'd still be together right? She looked at it differently than you, or she would not have left. Try to look at it through her eyes. What was she not getting from you that might cause her to be unhappy about continuing your relationship?

 

This is a very good point I had to realise myself.

[OCD]

Zerohero,

Yes, it's just hard to accept that my ex had a different pointe of view regarding the relationship we had. It is pretty obvious, now that it's over, that must be the reason...I guess it's hard to accept that because, I thought, we were on the same page about everything, life, marriage, house, etc...we'd talk almost every day about it openly for almost 2 years. What happened? I have no idea except she said she needed 'her time' since her divorce of a 9 yr. marriage, I have to try to understand that. Our relationship just took off from the moment we met, like it was ment to be or some divine intervention. It's really hard to see it end the way it did. To now look at it as just her having a different pointe of view regarding the relationship is what baffles me...I suppose you think you know someone, but you really have no idea...I'm trying to move forward and see other people, but that image of my ex is burned in my mind...I miss her, but there's nothing I can do about it except move on with my chin up...thanks.

[haventfoundahome]

ocd

how old is your girl?

[patience]

OCD,

 

If she was ready to talk with you, if she wanted to talk with you, she could have said so when you saw her. Even though you kept walking, she could have called out your name. (and I'm pretty sure you would have stopped and talked with her had she made that effort) She could have called you afterwards. She chose not to do more than say a few words. I agree that her son probably asks about you. She knows how to find you if she wants to talk with you.

 

I'm glad that you found someone new to talk with and have fun with.

[OCD]

ocd

how old is your girl?

 

She's 33...

 

And yes it is a good pointe that she had opportunities to talk to me in the store and could have called. She didn't call Sunday night or last night. I really thought she would have? I'm not sure what's going on with her...she's giving me mixed signals. I can, though, understand why she didn't come over to talk or call my name...she's a really shy person and it's difficult for her to open up like that, so it didn't surprise me...but she didn't call either so I don't know if she's waiting for me to call or not??

[patience]

I don't know if she's waiting for me to call or not??

 

that would be 'chasing' her...do you want to chase her? will that change anything?

 

if you live in a small community, or shop regularly at the same places, chances are you will cross paths again...you could talk to her then, at least it would be face to face (depends on if you want to wait for that to happen again)

 

you could call her and ask to meet with her, do you feel ready to do that? how will you feel if she says no? maybe you need that bit of closure, y'know

 

it's your choice what to do...think about your options, and do what you think is best for you at this time

 

it sounds like you really care about her, and that timing had a lot to do with the break up

 

is she seeing anyone else that you know of?

[OCD]

She's not seeing anyone that I know of...when she opened up to me she mentioned going out a few times, but nothing serious. I said the same, but I didn't want to start the line of questioning, right? I don't want to know those things. We don't really live in a small town, but we do go to the same church and shop at the same places, which sucks. I don't want to chase, I really feel that she needs to chase me, but I don't think that's going to happen...so I'm really not sure what to do...everyone keeps telling me that she'll call, but I do feel that I we need to meet each other half way and that I need to do my part if we're ever to get back together. I just don't know what my part is any more...it's all confusing...thanks.

[OCD]

Oh, also I did ask to meet for coffee serveral weeks ago, she agreed but said she'd have to call me back with a time... She never called back and we never met. I'm afraid to ask again...

[OCD]

Oh, also I did ask to meet for coffee serveral weeks ago, she agreed but said she'd have to call me back with a time... She never called back and we never met. I'm afraid to ask again...