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Not Thinking

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  1. Drug addiction cost me my marriage so I can speak on this issue. My wife would not get clean and I finally gave up when she had an affair. First and foremost, HIS addiction is not YOUR problem...(Say this until you are blue in the face.) There is no easy way to break-up with a person so just do it. The sooner you walk away the sooner you start healing. I do not envy your situation an wish you all the best. I would give ALANON a try.
  2. That is a tough question to answer but in my experience they ALWAYS reach out. Bottom line is he knows he has you. This person has all your strength and has your power. TAKE IT BACK!! You can’t control another person but make damn sure they can’t control you either. A fiend of mine always said to, “fake it till you make it”. State what you want if he is not cool with that you WALK!
  3. You need to focus on YOU! You're going to be fine and the world will turn. This relationship almost sounds dangerous and I think someone could get hurt. I mean this with the bet intention but have you thought about counseling? I am putting some thought into this as we speak.
  4. It is hard to go NC when they keep reaching out to you. I would love to hear from my ex-girlfriend but I don't think I will...sigh. In the mean time I focus on myself and trying to get my strength back. Let him know you don't like the terms of the relationship and start the NC. Tell'em if he wants to work on the relationship to reach out and you guys can go from there. However, he needs to know you are not interested in all the other stuff and need to focus on yourself.
  5. Mikey - Sometimes I think I may have dodged the bullet with the ex-girlfriend. There were a couple signs of passive aggressive behavior and other things I noticed. Oh, respect to you for serving and we have been in the same trenches without a doubt. I served in Iraq and Afghanistan as well on multiple occasions. Over the years I had struggled really hard with a divorce from my ex-wife but now things are getting better for me. Oh, there were no kids involved and I don’t have any. I am an adjunct professor at a highly regarded university and my civilian job with the military and my military reserves position has started to really take hold. Right now I have a very nice home, car, motorcycle, and job stability. I was I in a very bad way after my divorce financially and was on my way to being ruined. The divorce was a good thing in my case because my ex-wife had many problems and the relationship was very toxic. With all that said I have recovered well. I was still going through the divorce when I got involved with the ex-girlfriend. The wife was a distant memory and the girlfriend felt good to be around. We were together for about eight months and as you read above I acted like an idiot. I am not sure if I want her back or if I am just feeling lonely sometimes. She seems like she test the waters sometimes and then backs way off, this is confusing. We have many mutual friends and she interacts with them constantly and aside from the very occasional social media “like” she ignores me totally. Some of these people she interacts with are not just close friend to me but like my family. I see you have went through some crazy issues with your ex’s and I am impressed how strong you are to step back when needed. You look like you have everything together and focused on yourself and your kids, that is awesome! This thing with the ex has been stressing me out for a year and I want the pain to go away. I am about to close all social media and step back for a while to refocus on myself and goals. You made a great comment about wanting someone to “compliment you and not complete you” that is something I think I need to take a look at. As for the ex-girlfriend I would hope she would think about reaching out but I don’t feel too optimistic about that right now.
  6. She was not the one going through the divorce, it was me at the time. She started getting cold a couple months before we quit talking to each other and then we had the blow-up. I think there may have been a passive-aggressive issue. She was several years from her divorce and I was going through mine. It has been a year and I still get stressed about the whole issue.
  7. Thank you Scheme, I really needed to hear some good guidance. I know what to do it is just hard to do it. She gets involved with my friends and chats with them frequently. These are not just casual friends but people who are like my family, I think that is what bothers me the most.
  8. I am so upset right now. I was on FB-messenger trying to respond to someone with a similar name and accidently sent a "thumbs-up" to my x-girlfriend. She saw it and did not respond, I feel like an idiot to say the least....sigh.
  9. I (m/49) met my ex-girlfriend (41) at the place I work out and we struck up a couple year friendship that eventually turned romantic. Our political and religious views are very much in line and we make a pretty good couple. I really felt relaxed and comfortable around her aside from divorce stress. The romantic interest was after I had been separate from my ex-wife for over a year but the divorce was not finalized, I am not upset about the divorce because it was something that was long overdue. I told the ex-girlfriend about the divorce and we need to be careful about posting stuff on social media and so forth till the divorce is over. I was very guarded in my feelings and told her about not ready to jump back into a relationship. I was spending a lot of time with her and her family and we all soon became very close. We were together for about eight months and I started getting a very cold vibe from her. She made a comment that I need to pay attention to her schedule and she was very busy with two kids and all her activities. FYI - I don’t have kids but I am crazy about them. I tried my best but I wanted her to realize that I was busy as well but no matter what I would always make time for them. I told her to call me one day and she then text me a day later, I hate texting. She basically asked, “what’s up?” I told her I need to talk about a couple things concerning events I wanted her to attend with me, I attend numerous military functions. That is when I got unloaded on! She proceeded to beat me up about her schedule, about me trying to get her to do things, where and when we went to places, and pretty much everything up I did. I even got fussed at because I wanted her to be careful about stuff posted on social media due to the divorce. Note - I was also going through a financial hardship at the time and was in fear of losing my house and possibly my job. Needless to say a long and expensive divorce would’ve ruined me. This is where I screwed up….I walked. After all the texting I stepped back and took a breath. I did not text her for a couple days and she hit me up asking if I was ignoring her. I texted her back and we did not talk anymore afterwards. She would “like” things on social media and make comments on some of my post. I would also do the same so there was some communication. Make no mistake I feel like an and shouldn’t have acted like this. About 3 months down the line I was able to get my divorce finalized. I was also progressing well with work and things really started looking up for me. My teaching and military career started to take off. I decide to reach out to her and asked for her to call me when she got some time. When she called I wanted to her to know how sorry I was and sincerely wanted to apologize if I upset her. I was almost in tears when I talked to her and I am sure she could hear it in my voice. I did not talk about the relationship and wanted to see how she would react. I reached out to her again about a week later and asked to see her and I got blown off. I then stated I would like to work things out with her and got the “friend-zone”, I was crushed. I told her again I was sorry and hope nothing but the best for her and her family. She would still “like” things on social media and we have a bunch of mutual friends. I would “like” things she posted as well but we never had any real contact. I reached out to her about 3 months later and asked if she could help me with a project, she has done this before so nothing was really a surprise. She complied and help me out. I sent a few text to check on things but she never give any real sign of anything romantic. I tried one time to call her and she never returned my phone call. Eventually I gave up and the last time we text it was about 6 months ago. I started the NC and it was painful for me to do. She started to follow me on another social media platform but I really didn’t pay any attention to that. Last month was my birthday and she posted a couple birthday wish to me on social media and I very politely replied to her comments. Her family still interacts with me on social media and I do with them as well. She is also interacts online with my best friends and they do her. Every once in a while she will “like” something but not too often. I still miss her and would love to work things out but I have gone NC for the past few months, except for the time she reached out to me for my birthday. I would still love to hear from her and think there is something special there for us. Right now I have been trying to become a better version of myself and my career is going great. I was able to keep my house in the divorce and don’t even hear from the ex-wife anymore. I wish the ex-girlfriend would reach out and give me a chance so I could show her the real me and not the stressed out guy she was dealing with. Sorry for the long read guys but this has been going on over a year and I still miss her.
  10. I initially thought that but when my named is even mentioned she avoids the topic. I wonder if she is just trying to get under my skin with the "Likes" and engaging my closets friends, to be honest it is working.
  11. I think you guys are right, it is time for NC. I am not "following" her anymore so that will be the start. I still get aggravated when she engages my friends because these aren't just casual friends but my best friends, as in "close as family". I think some of this is like what Wiseman a saying about "Breadcrumbs" and this is it close to what my friend told me, "She is trying to keep one foot in the door". I almost feel like she is playing games with me.
  12. If you guys are interested here is the beginning of the story. I had hoped that I would get some sort of positive sign but nothing as happened. I think it is time to go full NC, I really need to heal myself before anything else. She keeps "liking" stuff on my social media page and stays very engaged with my best friends, I am thinking about "un-following" her. The last time I texted her she was quick to respond and said she would help me with a project. It was not an engaging conversation just the basic "ok, got it". She keeps writing things on my friend's pages usually right after I do but will not talk to me or even about me. I can't figure out if she is staying involved just see a response from me or what?
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