Very tough times :(

[Lion-Guy]

It has been almost 4 weeks since our break-up and I have been following everyone's advice. I have met a bunch of new friends, took a few girls out for drinks, tried to keep busy, limited contact and NC for the past week. I was really starting to feel better until today.

 

Today I learned from a friend of a friend that there is this guy at her work and they have a little something going on. And that she misses having a BF more than she misses me. She told me when we broke up that she just wanted a break and it had nothing to do with other another guy. It is hard to tell if she wanted to try things out with this new guy, or if he is just filling a void for her loneliness? You would think that after a serious 3-year relationship she would take some time to be single and figure out what went wrong and what her needs are as an individual?

 

I realized from the start that there was a good chance she wasn't coming back and did everything I could to move on and become a better person. But after hearing this news I feel like a bullet just shot through my chest. The pain is almost unbearable. It is so difficult not to get upset and tell her how she has broken my heart. It is also tough to see someone you loved get over you so quickly.

 

Any advice to help me out would be appreciated. I feel like I hit rock bottom today.

[coooolsome]

Hey, she isnt over you. It may look like that but she isnt. She is trying to basically project feelings onto another person. She misses having a boyfriend, that means that she seems to go after anyone that seems interested. Its a good and a bad thing. It all comes down to how you act from now on.

 

If you go back into the depressed mode, this new guy will look 100x better. However, if you get on with you life and be happy and fun and be the person she first fell in love with it makes you look 100x better. Its called a rebound. She is so used to having someone that she wants someone. It doesnt really matter what kind of guy he is as long as he is there.

 

Move on and maybe she will realize what she had. You can help that by not caring about her new "relationship" and being happy for her. When she sees this, it will make her think.

[coooolsome]

Also realize that you really dont know what she is thinking. Think about it...how do you feel right now? But when you are out, what does an outside observer see? We let others see the good side of us and not the bad side sometimes. You are only seeing the good and you are letting it affect you. Remember, no ones life is perfect no matter how much they would like to portray it.

[Hannibal]

Yeah I have to agree with the above.

I've talked to my past ex about how she felt after we broke up. She seemed to be so happy and went to date another guy soon after. When I asked her about how she felt almost a year after we broke up to my surprise she felt the exact same as I did.

[sibling295]

lion guy - hang in there buddy - start thinking positive , okay . Force yourself to smile even when you dont want to. Stop thinking about her - start thinking about yourself.

[Meow18]

As sad as it is, part of breaking up with someone is moving on and finding someone else. Maybe she moved on too quickly, or maybe she hasn't moved on yet.

 

The point is, you have to stop thinking about her. It's just going to depress you even more if you are thinking about her being happy with someone else. You have proven to yourself that you can be happy without her. You just have to keep working at it.

 

Don't think about her with this new guy. Don't assume that she doesn't care about you anymore. Don't assume that she misses you. Just thinking about her isn't going to help at all. You need to do things to keep your mind busy and off of her.

[Lion-Guy]

Thanks guys for the replies. You are probably right that she is acting like she is over me quickly but deep inside she is most likely hurting and soul searching. She doesn't express her feelings to people well so this can't be helping her.

 

But then again maybe this new guy interest is just what she needs to get her mind off me for a few weeks and never turn back. I wish I could do the same but I feel fake dating another girl until my feelings subside. I know how bad it hurts to have your heart broken and would never do that to someone else, especially to get over my ex. I will continue to funnel my thoughts and energy to my health, career and new friends. I hope being the better person pays off in the end and I find another sweet girl to spend my life with. I miss the company and love of an attractive and caring woman.

[Hawk]

Lion-Guy - wether she is doing it to get over you or not doesn't really matter and you will send yourself crazy trying to work it out.

 

Great to hear that you are going to take some time for yourelf and only start dating when you are ready - I often think to myself if my ex knew how much breaking up with me has hurt then she would never do it to anyone again. I don't think she has ever been on the recieving end. But what it tells me is that you have to be careful with other peoples hearts. I know that I would never want anyone to be feeling the way I have been feeling.

[Not Thinking]

I feel your pain. Mine left me for another guy. Just work on yourself. We have some great advice on this board. I know it is very hard to put into place but it works. Focus on you and listen to the "Cool Man" and the other members, everyone here speaks from experience.

 

Good luck!