Todays Rant....

[Echo]

Hey everyone. I have't posted lately, just decided to take a break from the forum.

 

One reason being I have noticed a bit of hypocrisy and just a tad too much preaching for my taste.

This is an advice forum..and anyone giving or reeceiving advice is not an expert.I would never name names point fingers but lets just say..there seems to be way to much judgement about how people choose to deal with their break ups or their emotions. No one but the person involved in their relationship knows the TRUE extent of what's going on. Remember..we are ONLY hearing one side of the story..so it is impossible to tell someone that they should ABSOLUTELY go No Contact with an ex. No Contact should be used at your discretion. It is NOT for everyone or every situation!! I feel the frustration in some posts when someone isn't "following" someone elses direct advice. Listening to advice is easy....applying it is hard. It takes ahell of a lot of self discipline to not act on your emotions..then to be told you are WRONG for your choice or your actions...that makes it twice as hard. NO one should be made to feel wrong for doing what they feel is best. We ALL have to learn from our mistakes. I think rather than telling someone they are wrong fr doing this or doing that..they should instead be praised for their progress...it is certainly moe motivational.

 

I am not posting this because of comments made to ME..I mean in general. I am also aware this is a "public forum" yada yada yada..and they should be prepared to hear it. Thats true....but at the same time it is a persons choice to refuse that advice if it doesn't apply.

Anyway, sorry for the negative post....I just wanted to vent.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

[selfi]

I think rather than telling someone they are wrong fr doing this or doing that..they should instead be praised for their progress...it is certainly moe motivational.

 

 

Echo, I agree with your post, some people just do expect that NC can be done straight away, and if you dont, then its taken as ignoring their advice. Which isnt the case. Up until recently I actively did everything thats ill advised to do in regards to getting another chance, but i take a look at all the progress ive made since i first visited this forum and thought everybody here was 'out of their minds' with this this notion of not contacting their ex.

Im proud to say, even though slow, i have made so much progress over this past month.

[Hope75]

Hi Echo,

 

I am sorry that you feel that some of the advice given on the forum is more hurtful than helpful.

 

You are absolutely right that the original poster does not have to listen or follow the advice of the responders to his or her thread.

 

However, as you did mention, it is a public forum, and when someone posts looking for advice, they are going to get responses from people who bring with their reply their own life experiences and personal biases. Does that make them an expert? No, but it does give them some insight on how they might handle the situation, given their past mistakes or whether it worked out well for them.

 

Some people feel very passionately about their opinions, and that's OK too. This is part of what posting on a public forum is about.

 

The OP can take the advice with a grain of salt and choose to heed it or not, Ultimately, they will do as they feel they need to, and will live with the consequences of their actions.

 

That does not take away the right of others to respond, passionately or not, to a request for guidance or advice.

 

Would you not agree?

[Caldus]

they should instead be praised for their progress...it is certainly moe motivational.

If you think about it, that's why a lot of people post these kind of topics. They need some kind of fuel to get them going again. Sometimes they already know the answer but they are implicitly asking for motivation. This is my hypothesis at least.

[valenski]

Well try as best to not say whether is wrong or right but rather say what I would do or did in that situation. I dont get the impressiion you are talking about not saying its not there. I think people are just asking a different prospective for their problems.

[zcloud]

I disagree, this is public, here is one place everyone should be free to be their overbearing judgemental selves

[melrich]

I agree with most of what you say Echo, particularly the part about the OP knowing the particular situation the best.

 

I do laugh sometimes when posters tell someone just out of a 5 year relationship and two kids to just go NC.

 

But as Hope says, the OP can also "select" which advice to listen too.

 

And I think one of the most valuable things about these forums is that you get advice or feedback from people who are not emotionally attached to the situation.

 

Because the other thing I often notice is members who come here and say something like.."He dumped me, we haven't spoken for 6 months do you think there's any hope?".........No there isn't. Ans sometimes you need someone with no emotional attachment to to inject a dose of reality to the situation.

[selfi]

 

Because the other thing I often notice is members who come here and say something like.."He dumped me, we haven't spoken for 6 months do you think there's any hope?".........No there isn't. Ans sometimes you need someone with no emotional attachment to to inject a dose of reality to the situation.

 

thats so true.

[sibling295]

 

 

 

AMEN MAN!!!!!!!

 

I wish i could write out my feelings properly - but you said it straight up!!!!!

[Echo]

Hi everyone..thanks for replying to my "rant'. Sorry if I offended anyone, it wasn't my intention.

 

Glad everyone could at least see where I was coming from....even IF you didn't agree. It's OK to NOT agree with someone..but being berated for that is NOT ok..and I think that's where I was going with that whole point.

 

I think it's important to be respectful of another persons decisions and point of view REGARDLESS of whether they take your advice or not.

 

Melrich..you made a good point with the example of someone asking if there's a chance after six months...some people just need to be told in no uncertain terms that YOUR opinion is that there is no chance. Another person may say...keep trying..because it may be that persons mind set that persistence pays off. So it is up to the poster to filter those opinions, and what best fits their situation. If someone chooses to NOT follow my advice..I say..best of luck with what YOU decide..and let it go. The bottom line is..you can open the door, but you cannot make someone walk through it.

 

Ok..I'm done..LOL

Hope everyone is having a great day!

[selfi]

case closed!