I want to be with him on ANY terms..

[digitaldiva]

I'm at this point. I just feel a numb. I feel pathetic when I'm with him and pathetic when I am without him. So why not just be with him and suck up the fact that he just wants to be around me 5 days a week but not commit to me. He actually told me so. He says that "Right now in my life I can't commit." But you can spend 5/6 days a week with me? He doesn't want me bugging him about it all the time. I broke things off completely last night but somehow I don't feel better. He said that it was me that was having all the problems and I needed to do this for myself because he was handling things fine. How could he be so callous? Maybe it is me that's wrong.

 

 

Maybe I should just go with the flow and not speak about our future. I have met a man that questioned the status of our relationship on a daily basis. Every day we'd have 1 hour conversations about where it was going. We had a lot of things in common but I couldn't even make myself comfy because he was always bugging me. The only thing I could do is let that guy go. So maybe I should do the same here. Just suck it up and not say anything about us. I should get busier with my career and other activities to show him that I'm not as needy as I sound.

looking at phone... proceeding to call.. okay not calling......

 

I feel insane. My relationships are always extreme. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me but not someone that is desperate and not someone that is not open to a relationship at all or emotionally empty. Is there a such person?

[itry]

i know what u mean. im going through a round-a-bout cycle. im TRYING to break out of it but its just not happening...i feel like i have to cut it off for good becasue i know he'll talk me back into it.

 

ull get to a point where u are just fed up..and fed up is probably a light analysis of what u will feel before u let it go. dont put urself to that drama.

 

...i suck at taking my own advice though

[WildChild]

Not knowing the whole situation, are you thinking because you two are with each other 5 of the 7 days that this means he doesn't want to commit to you?

[Confusedwon]

WHY would you want to live your life feeling pathetic while in a relationship. Relationships are supposed to bring out the best in us. WE ARE Supposed to be happy and feel loved and valued.... I KNOW Its hard to NOT feel horrible in the begginning stages of a break up, especially when you are insecure or have issues and you really LOVED that person. BUT I truly believe the ONLY reason he can walk away without hurting is because he never truly loved or valued you. Im sorry...I am going thru the very same thing, I treated my man of 1 yr so great, I was a good gf to him, but he always made me feel like I was not good enough... and then because of all the fighting (which he contributed to because of how crappy he treated me) he got to be the one who broke up with me.... IT HURTS!!!!! But I know IT HURTS because I loved him... He acted like he didnt even recognize my voice when we spoke... he hurts me and I do not want to live my life with someone who is incapable of seeing how Valuable of a woman /person I am..... He Lost something great! AND YOU should be looking at that for you guy also... HE LOST someone who loved him...... Try to let him go... It will get better as time goes on... Lean on friends and family and cry cry cry..... Im finding after I ball my eyes out and gather myself then I feel really good... (-: Keep your head up, better things are waiting for you in life... Eventually you will look back and think, DUH... what a waste of my time and love

[RayKay]

Is 5 days of the week not some sort of commitment? Things can't progress naturally when there is pressure there, or when they are not allowed to develop naturally. I would not want someone bugging me all the time either, even if I DID see potential for it to go somewhere, those feelings would turn more to "running away from the situation due to pressure" if I felt that constant sensation of being forced to speed things up just to make the person feel "secure". Security does not come from commitment, from a ring, from anything - it comes from within yourself, from the feelings in the relationship, and from how the person treats you and makes you feel.

 

How long have you been dating?

 

But I did also want to say something about your quote...real love does not shatter us. Real love strengthens us, it enhances our lives. Real love is reciprocal, felt both ways. Even in tough times, real love bonds us together, and is nourished and fed as we face challenges and victories together. By your definition that would not be real love - but by mine, real love does not break us or throw us down to the ground. That would not be real love if it was something that took so much away from us.

[digitaldiva]

We've been dating for 1 year..... Oh and em.. something I sort of left out is that.. em.. he's southern baptist and I'm atheist. Not sure if I'm making excuses but I'll tell you. I met him at work and after about 1 week I had an accident and burned my leg with hot water really bad. I'm so self conscious about it. I know you guys think this shouldn't matter and I should just move on and not give it any thought but I can't imagine even dating anyone new and having to go through undressing in front of them. I know they should accept me for who I am and things but It is so embarrassing being that my body was flawless until this accident. 5'6, 130lbs 36-25-40. I can't believe I'm even on here posting this but I'm going mad either way... He says that the scar doesn't matter and he doesn't see it anyway but what will someone else think? If they run in terror then I'll seriously never date again! I'm an idiot

[RayKay]

Okay, so by commit what do you MEAN exactly then? A year and seeing you 5 days a week seems like commitment to me? Are you exclusive? What more do you want?

 

If you are unhappy, well, I don't know many men who will care about a scar on your leg, seriously.

 

I am a mountain biker, I have many scars, they are for me badges of honour from crashes I have had, and my boyfriend has never ever every once complained about them....he thinks I am sexy in fact for having them

 

I know a woman whom has a birth mark over 80% of her body. She has a wonderful husband and children. And I must say, she is beautiful because she is truly a wonderful, confident person..she radiates that.

 

I know people whom have had open heart surgery and have massive scars down their chest, even at a young age, I know people whom have had back and neck injuries with other massive scars. I know a guy who lost half his tongue to cancer when he was 8. I know a girl whom lost her arm in an accident. And you know...they have all had relationships, been loved, and found love.

 

It's not the scar that holds you back, it's your self esteem. The scar is just your focus for it.

[Luciana]

Hi DigitalDiva: I am also an atheist and I know I would have a hard time dating anyone religious (I think deep down I would lose respect for them believing in religious fairy tales). When I met my fiance he was agnostic and became an atheist by reading more about the subject, so we think alike there.

 

Now, if you want more commitment, an official one, and he is happy that things remain the same forever. It is a wonderful webiste for women who's BF's are slow on the engagement route. You will be with women who have exactly your problem and how to solve it.

[WildChild]

Men are different, at least most are. They don't want to talk about feelings etc...they like things to progress naturally and not feel like they are being pushed into anything. It sounds to me that this man is committed to you: 1 Year, tells you he doesn't see the scar when he looks at you etc.... What kind of a committment are you looking for? Marriage? Does he not call you his gf? You want to see him 7 days a week? Please let us know what the committment it is that you are looking for. As for you being athiest, it must not pose as an immediate problem for him or I doubt he would be dating you, correct?

[Minty80]

I think I understand what you are describing because a friend of mine is going through the exact same thing, for a year as well.

 

Let me know if I'm close... They see each other and talk on the phone all the time, they even occasionally do special couple-type things together. Except even after a year he won't call her his girlfriend, by saying he won't commit he's leaving himself the option to dump her at anytime and not feel guilty about it because he "told her I don't want a commitment", would never dare to utter the word "love", and when she is upset over something he doesn't have to provide any emotional support because of the no commitment thing. Basically in the superficial sense he is her boyfriend but emotionally it's nothing close to that. Is that familiar?

 

Dump him, get rid of him and find someone who will commit to you. Even if you are miserable at first you will be MUCH happier in the long run.

 

I also agree with RayKay, don't worry about the scar at all. It's often the imperfections that make us more beautiful to those who love us. I know what I'm talking about, I have psriosis on my shins, elbows, and scalp. Sometimes it's worse than others, but my boyfriend doesn't care, and neither did my ex-husband. People who love you won't care about something like that and you will find someone who truly loves you.