I think he likes me, and I like him...

[cranberry]

I don't want to go into specifics (in case "he" ever read this...I know it's an extremely slim chance but just in case). Anyway...Basically there is this guy I like and he does a kind of maintenance service for me once in a while. I think he likes me because he does extra little things for me in the service (either that or he's really nice), he always shows up where I am when I come in and he becomes more animated (i.e., he laughs more), and I can just sense it--tension--whatever that is worth.

 

I know he's seen me look at him and look away, b/c I can't muster up the courage to say hi to him. I have thanked him a few times for what he's done and he always gives a friendly response. The thing is I act nervous around him, and I think it's rubbing off on him--he is starting to act a little nervous around me, but he hides it well.

Do you think he can tell that I'm just shy? I've only been there 3 or 4 times so far, and will only go depending on when I need the maintenance. Do I just need to give this time to develop? Do you think by acting shy I've sent off the wrong signals?...but I do always thank him nicely, does that count?

[FATKID]

Hello there,

 

I don't know if he can tell you're as shy as you think you are. I'm a guy, so when I tell you that guys just aren't too perceptive with things like that, I know what I'm talking about.

 

All kidding aside, why don't you just approach him and ask him out? I know it will be difficult, but that's the only way to find out other than HOPING he'll ask you out. If he's shy too, that likely won't happen.

 

You don't have anything to lose. Why not just go for it? Otherwise you may never know.

 

Good luck.

[darkblue]

Is it through work?

 

If you think he is sending you signals - he probably is.

Ask him out for coffee/lunch/movie or whatever.

Break out of your shy barrier.

[Belle]

Cranberry,

What these yahoos (probably guys) are trying to get you to do is the impossible. You're shy so I'd be willing to bet big money that you're not going to ever ask him out. However, one was right about one thing. Guys are obtuse and he may not realize that your'e super shy. So you're going to have to loosen up and practice. Practice smiling and saying hello to strangers. Practice on him. Make eye contact, even if it feels uncomfortable. It's better than the alternative...

 

And even if he never gets it, you'll be working on getting over your shyness and learning how to give men signs of interest and talk to people. Both are very valuable skills.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[orangecounty]

Being a shy girl and asking out a guy is not the impossible, I'm living proof. I've always been very shy, especially around guys. Yet, when you like some so very much and want to go out with them, you push yourself to do things you usually wouldn't. Why not take a risk and just go for it, it's one of those things were I got to the point that I would just burst if I didn't ask him out.

It doesn't mean you have to go from not saying a word to him to asking him out, take it slow if you would like. But I'm sure you'll get to that point, when you'll really want to ask him out if he doesn't ask you out before then.

[steelwool]

Yes you can start off slow. Just start saying hi on a regular basis(he's human just like you). If you see some sort of interest in him for you, you can sneak in little compliments that will let him know you like him. For example say something like "you're so nice. There aren't many guys like you around these days". At that point look at him with a smile for few seconds then slowly look away. That right there could tell him you like him, but you're shy. You have to be a little clever and try different things. Just stay clear from personal issues(yours and his for now anyway). Guys don't like that. This will be good flirting practice for you. Remember to smile because I've had women who were interested but I couldn't tell. They'd give me evil looks like they were upset with me, but were far on the other side of the emotion scale. You literally have to open the door for him to approach. When/if he does, be ready because if he's shy and you're not leaving that "door" open he may not do it again. It'll be all on you then.

[cranberry]

Well I wouldn't say that I'm shy in general. My coworker told me the other day that she thinks I'm not afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of a lot of things, I often take the initiative, but when it comes to guys I like, I get weak in the knees.

(By the way me and this guy do not work together. And I wouldn't call him shy...he's pretty confident.)

 

I'm not going to ask him out. Sorry to all those who suggested it...well at least not yet anyway. But I am going to start saying hi to him, next time I have to go in.

He tries to talk to me a little bit, but my mind just goes blank and I give short answers, and then I just end up staring at him, lol. I have to stop doing that!

When I know a guy likes me, sometimes I wish they wouldn't like me so I wouldn't have to feel so jittery. I should probably stop that too.

[Belle]

Hi Cranberry,

 

That's fairly normal, sadly. We get stupid around those we like the most but we can flirt with the guy whose name we never remember. Gotta save some of the flirting, smiling for the good ones.

 

The guy I'm interested in right now is super shy. I sort of accidentally rejected him because I thought he had a girlfriend and was a player but found out later I was completely misinformed and now he's gunshy. He's not a social butterfly or a flirt at all and even though I am a superflirt, it makes me a little nervous that he's so self conscious. So I pretend not to notice nad I laugh hysterically (ok, less goofy than hysterically) at any attempt at a joke on his part and I keep his short attempts at conversation rolling. Even if we're saying absolutely stupid things I just keep him moving to encourage him. Gives him confidence and he's learning to relax. Maybe you could practice some of that, and really stop thinking of your guy as a potential boyfriend and just someone you'd like to talk to as a friend. Take the pressure off. It's playoffs but you've gotta tell yourself it's just another game.

 

Oh, another thing that helps is to not put all of your eggs in one basket. Flirt with a bunch of guys, go out with several and by the tiem you get around this guy again you'll feel a lot less pressure to make it happen. That's when things do happen, when you don't have to have it.

 

best of luck,

 

Belle

[cranberry]

Hey Belle,

You spelled out my problem right down to the tee. I always think of my crushes as potential boyfriends, it puts the pressure on, I clam up, and nothing happens. The worst part is at times I often pretend like I don't like them, b/c I'm afraid they might think I like them--which is supposed to be the whole point!

Thanks for everyone's advice. I have to drop in at his work in a week or so. I just hate the feeling I have right now. Last time I saw him there were so many chances to be a little flirty...argh...and now I have to wait til next time.

[Belle]

Hi Cranberry,

We all do that to a certain degree. The key, imo, is to show interest but not that they are the center of the universe. Know that they have the power to hurt you if they reject you but dont' shut them out. Just be relaxed and look at them as "maybe" since you really don't know the person yet. You can show them you like them (more than interest) when you hook 'em. Just practice being friendly and flirty but hold back that part of you that wants to say "I think you could be the one". This works if you have more than one iron in the fire and you feel like you can attract a larger group of men. You'll always know there's another one on the next corner if that guy isn't interested.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[FATKID]

Cranberry,

What these yahoos (probably guys) are trying to get you to do is the impossible. You're shy so I'd be willing to bet big money that you're not going to ever ask him out. However, one was right about one thing. Guys are obtuse and he may not realize that your'e super shy. So you're going to have to loosen up and practice. Practice smiling and saying hello to strangers. Practice on him. Make eye contact, even if it feels uncomfortable. It's better than the alternative...

 

And even if he never gets it, you'll be working on getting over your shyness and learning how to give men signs of interest and talk to people. Both are very valuable skills.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

Guys are obtuse yahoos, huh?

 

I suppose I would take offense to this if it wasn't so accurate.

 

A woman asking a man out is not impossible by any stretch of the imagination. It happens all of the time and some wonderful relationships have begun with the woman initiating them.

 

With that said, I understand that she is shy and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. However, we also have to remember that this guy is WORKING while he has contact with her. As a manager, I could understand why this gentleman might be apprehensive about approaching her, if this is the case.

 

You can never know how people will react to any given situation. He might think that she 'could' take offense to this and call his supervisor, who might be really uptight.

 

While it's nice to find out if someone wants to reciprocate, it's not worth getting reprimanded at work (or worse).

 

While this may not be the case, this is one of the reasons why I suggested that she approach him. Women don't need to be relegated to a passive position of hoping that the man will pick up on subtle signals. She is more than able to decide her own fate.

 

Taking life into your own hands and controlling situations is not impossible. Actually there's a lot of freedom in it.

 

Either way, I wish the OP good luck.

[Belle]

Hey fatkid,

 

lol. I'm glad you have a sense of humor.

 

As for women asking guys out, I'm not a fan. I haven't seen any happy couples that were initiated by the woman. Either no one talks about it, or it's just hooha. I know that in my personal experience, I've tried it twice, read it twice when I was younger. I came to realize that a guy can totally lose interest this way and that it's a cardinal sin I won't commit again. If I send out all of the requisite signals to let him know I think he's the #@$ and he does nothing, I've learned to my dismay that he's just not that into me. Yes, I really did say that tired cliche. But it's true. The relationships that worked best for me were when I had very little initial interest in the guy and he pursued hard. He worked even harder in teh relationship and I realized that he was a keeper (well, at least at the time). The others... not so much. And I'm not throwing pearls before swine.

 

Just my two cents.

[cranberry]

Yeah I have the same opinion ^^...

 

And Fatkid,

My whole family are customers there and have been for a long time (yet I'm the new customer) so we know the boss well. If he asked me out while he was at work, the boss would not care. But I still gotta work myself up to that, lol.

[FATKID]

Is there a particular reason why you ladies have an aversion to asking a guy out?

 

I'm just curious as many women I know personally would rather never find out if a guy likes her if it involves initiating anything. I'm just trying to understand why someone would so vehemently avoid taking matters into their own hands. I don't see anything wrong with it, necessarily, it just seems counterintuitive if you're seeking a relationship.

 

Good day.

[Belle]

FatKid,

 

The reason most women have an aversion to asking a guy out, is that it simply DOES NOT RESULT IN A MEANINGFUL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP most of the time. I've never seen it work myself, but I'm sure it has somewhere. It's an urban legend. But I can tell you about a lot of happy couples where the guy chased the girl.

 

Also, let's be honest. Girls have something that guys want more. We know you like the chase. If we give up so easily (i.e. fawning over you and sighing at your photo) and then ask you out, you lose interest. It's human nature. Women lose interest in guys who are all about them as well. A little chase is good for both parties.

 

Belle

[FATKID]

FatKid,

 

The reason most women have an aversion to asking a guy out, is that it simply DOES NOT RESULT IN A MEANINGFUL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP most of the time. I've never seen it work myself, but I'm sure it has somewhere. It's an urban legend. But I can tell you about a lot of happy couples where the guy chased the girl.

 

Also, let's be honest. Girls have something that guys want more. We know you like the chase. If we give up so easily (i.e. fawning over you and sighing at your photo) and then ask you out, you lose interest. It's human nature. Women lose interest in guys who are all about them as well. A little chase is good for both parties.

 

Belle

 

We apparently have witnessed very different events in our lives. I've seen plenty of relationships initiated by the woman blossom into something very special. If two people can't make a relationship work because of the way it began, well..., I just have a hard time believing that these folks are very mature.

 

Personally, I pay keen attention to the person, not the work I have to put in in order to 'keep' them. The relationship is built around commonalities and chemistry. The chase, while intriguing, is not important to the survival of the relationship.

 

But, you may very well be right. I'm sure there is plenty of truth to what we're both saying.

 

I suppose it's really just a matter of preference. Personally, I like to initiate. But, I'm certainly not opposed to the woman doing it (before I was married). I can even admire her doing so because it can indicate her willingness to take matters into her own hands.

 

Thanks for the insight.

 

Good day.

[cranberry]

*Update*

 

Well I went to his work today. First, I almost bumped into him when i was looking for his boss. And he's just like, "Hey". And i kinda froze. And then he was waiting for me to say why I was there. So I blurted out, "I'm here to pay... my bill." And he's like ok, and we went into the office and he did the computer stuff. It was ultra silent. So I complimented him on what he did the week before for me, which saved me money. And I don't think he knew what I was talking about, b/c he just kinda paused and stared right at me. I went into more specifics, and then he remembered. Yeah so basically this was a complete disaster. He was friendly, but it was customer-friendly. I think I surprised him too much by coming in maybe. Or maybe he finally realized that I am too tall for him.

[Belle]

Smoooooootthhhee...

You sound like you're as clumsy as me Cranberry. lol. He didn't really give you anything to chew on. But sometimes when one person is nervous or shy it can bring about the same behavior in the other person.

 

I'm glad though that you made the effort to be talk to him though. It gets easier each time you do it. And if they don't respond the way you'd like, you can take them off their pedestal and you'll realize that getting all worked up over nothing is just silly. Just talk to them. They should be so lucky!

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[cranberry]

Smoooooootthhhee...

 

LOL. It does make a funny story. I told it to my friends--they all had a good laugh (and so did I).

 

I'm not dwelling on it though. It gives me a little experience--trying to talk to guys at least.

 

Thanks,

cranberry