is there some thing wrong with me?

[starry_night]

This thread isn't so much about about dating - more a lack there of.

See, I'm nearly 19 years old and I've never been in a relationship. I've been on a date here and there, but nothing really comes of it. It seems the only ones interested are just looking for a strings-free lay - some thing I'm not into.

So what is it about me that screams friend when what I really want to be is girlfriend?

[Beec]

I doubt that anyone could begin to answer your question without knowing you in person. It's jsut not possible, because if there is a reason because of what you do, then we would need to see it to recognize it.

 

If you want me to tell you what I think the most common reason men and women are not attractive, it is because they don't listen. I know a women well over 25, let's say 40, who remain and will remain single because they talk too much without ever listening and when the conversation always comes back to them. No one wants to listen to you talk about you all the time. This may be an issue here or not, but I see it as the most common thing.

 

The next most common thing, clinginess. When she seems to fall in love with you after date one and like she is jsut ready to latch on. Men will prevent her from locking the door because they will never let such a woman close the door with them inside.

 

Well, those are the personality traits. Physically being really overweight is the thing that most commonly loses a the attention of the men in the world, but some guys do like larger women.

 

if you really want to know, you need to sink your mind into it, you need to look at how and why we select partners, and then look at what parts you don't do well. Dating involves skills, figure out what skills you need to work on.

[xblondyx]

Just don't worry about it! I was the same up until a few months ago. Normally, when you stop looking for someone, the perfect person turns up! Be happy in yourself, and other people will realise what they are missing!

[DiscipleOfChange]

First of all, let me say that I am in a similar situation as you. I am 19 1/2 and have never been in a relationship. In fact, I haven't even really dated. I've taken two girls for coffee and that's pretty much it. I should also add that it may not be that something about you "screams friend" as much as that you just haven't found the right person for you.

Attraction and the dating game can be annoying, confusing and frustrating. Especially for people like us who have never truly known love. When others tell us to relax about it and how it isn't so importnat to be in a relationship, the people giving us that advice aren't the ones who are 19 or 20 and still single.

I assume beec is speaking generally about men not liking it when women fall in love after one date because I for one wouldn't mind that all. I mean, since I'm interested in someone, what sense would it make wasting a month of dating and pursuing when after one date we could realize we shared our feelings.

You just have to pick yourself up after something doesn't work out and put yourself out there again and go on more dates. Finding a person with whom you can share feelings of attraction may take time and I don't believe in one true love stories. I think that since emotions are built over time, there are a lot of options out there.

Trust me, I know how it feels to be single at our age range and it sucks but we can only do our share of the game playing; the other person has to play their role as well.

 

 

~Mark

[dirtbubble]

Your age is a great age to be single and unattached. Unfortunately, society says you need to get hooked up with someone as quickly as possible, and you buy into it, believing that all the artificial yearning fed to us through the media is some kind of sincere passion of your own. that's my perspective, anyway.

 

I wish I had stuck to myself when I was your age and concentrated on developing myself. Instead I rushed into intense but destructive relationships that have put me on the skids for life.

 

Take it easy, kids. The best romance will find you after you find yourself first.

[Beec]

I assume beec is speaking generally about men not liking it when women fall in love after one date because I for one wouldn't mind that all.

 

Trust me, you would not really love it. You might like it if she thought she could or might fall for you, but not if she really did.

 

Good relatioonships generally go through stages. In the first stage, we don't and should not put in a ton of effort, and we just enjoy being with each other. After a while, we put in a little effort. After more substantial periods, we begin to committ to things further and further into the future.

[atraceofblood]

I don't think anyone here, including me, is speaking truth, but rather from personal opinions and experiences. Just because one person dates a lot and eventually finds a women, won't always work for another person. Just because one person says to least expect love, doesn't mean it will work for the other person (I have a hard time accepting this idea because what about the other person who finds you? Did they expect? If not, then why did they make the move? lots of questions to ponder). There are many more ideas of how love works out, but I don't think anyone on earth truly understands it's entire process. Love is probably whatever it is to each individual, not for the entire human race.

 

For me, I have no clue what is going on when it comes to love and relationships. I am 21 years old, and am confidently ready for a relationship anytime. Everyone is different, and goes through life differently. Everyone has the chance of following whatever path they choose. Who knows, maybe one of these speculations will be true for you, and I, and everyone else.

 

Oh and I just want to say that all of what I said is just my opinion, it doesn't mean it's true, it's just what I believe and want to believe for now.

[Dating Coach]

Starry Night, I don't know what you are doing wrong because y ou haven't given us any insight as to what you have been doing with your relationships. Want help? Do you want success with women without having to change who you are? I can help you learn a few key things that will aid you on a path to success with women. Follow this link to a thread that is currently on page 2 of this forum. It is my Guide to Successful Dating, for Men. It's pretty long but it has helped a lot of guys understand what it is they have been doing wrong and what they can do to start fixing this problem. Follow this link:

 

 

[sweetheart230]

I think you might be thinking about it too much. If you focus on lonley feelings and wanting to be in a relationship, you come accross that way no matter how hard you try to conceal it. Nobody wants to date an unhappy person. And nobody wants to date someone who just wants "a relationship". They want to be in a relationship wtih someone who finds THEM special. You should focus on being happy by yourself and learning that having someone is pointless unless its somebody you really connect with.

 

Your problem is probably this: you look as dates for potential relationships, whereas you should just be enjoying yourself and your company. If you just have fun, you will BE more fun to hang out with. Don't concentrate so much on where things are going. Just enjoy yourself.

 

Also, one problem I had is that I often had a serious look on my face and while I'm really good at flirting, I rarely do it because I'm at school and don't find a lot of guys I feel like flirting with. If thats a problem, you should probably work on being more social and creating chemistry by flirting with men subtly. It can be tough to put yourself out there, but its totally worth it and its fun, too.

 

And I agree that clinginess is really unattractive. It is repellent, in fact. Clinginess indictates desperation. Just relax. Everything will happen for you if you just relax and enjoy your life.