My family and her daughter

[Sean]

I'm 21 years old and for about 3 months I've been seeing a 31 year old. We met in a chatroom and we really clicked. After 2 weeks of chatting (we live close to one another) we met and we're now dating. She is a wonderful woman who has alot of love to give and she is just so kind and caring. She has a daughter from her previous marriage and I have my family. Last night the topic of introducing me to her daughter came up and so did me introducing her to my family. We are stumped because this is alittle strange. This is the oldest woman I've ever met and it's just all so strange. I am afraid of what my family might say about me dating a 31 year old with a daughter. I would like to meet her daughter and get to know her because I know that she is an important part of her life. We were thinking about doing this after the Holidays because we just don't want any fights to happen around the holidays. Age gaps relationship isn't really that strange. My grandparents on my dad side were also 10 years apart in term of age. I really don't know why I'm so worried, I mean we're both legal and we both know one another pretty well. So any suggestion?

[rosstheboss]

when i was 19 i went out with a 26 year old woman who had a child.

what you must remember is that the child meeting you can be strange. if things don't work out and you and the child have bonded well you can't just stop seeing the child, it will probably be damaging since the child can't understand why suddenly you don't come round any more. Personally I'd wait longer and see how the relationship goes and discover where both of you want it to go.

 

As for meeting your family etc. yeah it's worrying but if they can't accept that you have feelings for an older woman then that's there problem. Same thing happened to me but it evetually blew over.

 

Good luck!

[maroB]

good luck.

 

i personally try to stay away from single parents. simply because of all the drama it can bring in the future.

 

if i were you, i think i would wait a good 6 months before i meet the daughter. you would not want her to get attached to you and then you two break up.

 

i dated a single mom once, NOT GOOD. kids love meeee =) poor kid i left before he got too attached, but i did leave with a lesson learned.

 

good luck.

[Vanilla]

well i have to oppose here.

 

my sister is a single mother. he dates and usually doesnt bring up her daughter unless she sees it is going to get serious.

 

for a single parent to want to introduce the child, at least in my experience it means you are WORTH something.

 

I dont think it brings drama ALWAYS. My sister has dated very few men since she had her kid (with a kid she i smuch more selective and serious about it) and most of the men who gave it a chance ended up fallingf in love with her kid.

 

my sister is usually the one who ended the relationship and it had NOTHING to do with her having a child.

 

You never know. Infact, because of her I have a completely different outlook on dating single parents.

 

Yes it is more of a challenge, but when you find a special someone aren't we all up for one?

[Sean]

what you must remember is that the child meeting you can be strange. if things don't work out and you and the child have bonded well you can't just stop seeing the child, it will probably be damaging since the child can't understand...

 

That's one of the thing I'm afraid of, I mean she doesn't really have a father figure right now, and she needs one. And I'm just a 21 year old who's still in college. So what you stated above is one of my concerns.

[WildChild]

i personally try to stay away from single parents. simply because of all the drama it can bring in the future.

 

OK, I don't know if that is necessarily true maroB. Yes there can be things that can unfold just like in ANY relationship, but I don't know about drama and elaboration on "in the future" might be nice to help this gent out if this is a concern you ran into

 

I would wait though to introduce yourself. The relationship is so new, and like the previous posts mention if it doesn't work than you have this child who has become attached, and they will and they do. Waiting until after the holidays I think is a great idea. Once they have passed, then reevaluate everything and go from there.

[Sean]

So we hold off on me meeting the daughter until we are more established. Now how do I deal with the family?

[WildChild]

Do they know that you are dating anyone Sean?

[Sean]

Yea they do know I am dating someone. I tell them everything about her except her age.

[Sean]

Yea they know. They just don't know specific things about her yet.

[Sean]

Yea they know I'm dating her, they just don't know specific details yet.

 

and why are my post disappearing?

[WildChild]

That's cookey about your posts....hmmm weird lol

 

Anyway, I guess at some point you are going to have to face the judge and jury. You are an adult, and hopefully they are going to be supportive of you. My advice is to come to them as a strong, independent person who is telling them more in a "matter of fact" way than a "waddya think if I told ya" manner. If you show them strong, they will treat you strong. If they try to tell you the cons of all of it, listen respectfully and point out that your Grandparents (I believe it was) did it and they had success. In this day and age it is very common...many of the old schoolers have a harder time with the newer generations outlook in life, but if you look at how many older generation age gaps there are in relationships, it really is no different...just a different kind of world today than when they grew up.

[Angel Irulan]

Meet her daughter and do it in an informal way. You don't have to say you are dating, just that you are mom's pal. As for your families, I'd say that it's never easy to know what their reaction will be, but as an adult, you have a right to have them respect you enough to accept your choice for a girlfriend. If they can't or won't do that, it's time to wake them up to the fact that you are an adult. This is your life and it's your choice.

 

Ali