Didn't call

[shorty20]

Ok.. I've been dating this guy for a month or so now. Since our first date, I've gotten a call from him AT LEAST once a day. So, I went out with him on Saturday night, and when I left, he gave me a kiss and said he'd call tomorrow. Well, he never called. I don't doubt he just got busy or whatever, and it's not a big deal, but I don't want him to make a habit out of it... it didn't make me mad.. just a pet peeve when people say they will call and they don't. I guess my question is should I say anything at all, or just let it slide? If I don't say anything, I'm afraid it will happen more and more often. If I do say something, I'm afraid he'll get the wrong impression that I make a big deal out of small things... what do u guys think? It hasn't happened that he has "forgotten" to call me in the past four weeks. I'd love to hear your opinions on when it is ok to say something. thanks guys!

[DiscipleOfChange]

I think if you bring it up in the right way, it would be a sweet sign to let him know how much you care about him and look forward to hearing his voice. I guess the trick would be to bring it up in the right way.

[Derek]

It's not just what you say, but how you say it.

 

Be lighthearted about it. Don't come down all heavy on him like a possessive girlfriend.

 

I think next time you see/talk to him, just call him out in a light-hearted way.

 

Say it with a smile and a chuckle, something funny like:

"hey boo, you said you'd call last weeked and you didn't so I thought I'd head out with my other boyfriends on the side since you weren't giving me the attention I deserve yo." *laugh*

 

Perhaps that's too direct for you, then say what you feel comfortable with but I think you can say something but your attitude should be "I respect myself enough to not suffer crap behaviour from you, I am the prize here, it's your loss if you lose me, I've got many more prospects lined up", whether it's true or not. If you value yourself first, then he will value you more.

 

But what do I know, I'm not a girl, I'm no expert on taming and keeping men.

 

 

[shorty20]

and how exactly would the right way be?

[psyche]

Maybe something to the effect of:

"Hey, was everything okay the other day? I got a little worried when you didn't call."

That way if he just forgot then he can apologize and he'll know that he needs to remember to do that if not for anything else then to keep you from getting worried. And if he got busy then he can tell you what all was going on and you look like the sensitive, concerned girlfriend that I'm sure you are. On the other hand, if he plays the nonchalant, tough guy that doesn't really have to call when he says that he will, then you can just lay it out for him. It made you worry and it really bugs you for him to say that he'll call and he doesn't. Just whatever you do, don't start off all angry. Be calm and fairly nice about it. Something may have just happened that he couldn't avoid and that prevented him from calling. But even it was something that he couldn't help and he apologizes for it, you can always playfully say something like, "Don't let it happen again, or I might just have to break your legs.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that you should feel that you can control his behavior i.e. him calling. If you want to be sure about his actions then you should learn his mannerisms and just take it at that. Of course you can bring this up to him but I doubt it will be constructive and you are going to come off needy. It all depends how you want your role to be in this relationship.

[shorty20]

thats what I'm scared of. I don't want to come off as the needy, clingy girlfriend that sits and waits for him to call. I wasn't sitting at home staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. I just got home at like 11:00 last night and noticed he hadn't called yet, and woke up with no missed calls on my phone. I'm not needy, but when someone tells me they'll call, I expect them to. I don't think thats being needy. I don't see him every day, so when someone calls you every day for a month and then one day dosen't, it kind of gets you wondering if everything is ok. I don't need that stress of wondering in my life right now. Thats all.

[Dating Coach]

There is nothing wrong with telling him straight out that you don't mind if he doesn't call you everyday, but what you do mind is someone saying that they will do something only to not do it. If he says he will call, he should call or have a darn good reason not to call.

[shorty20]

well i'm glad i'm not being irrational. I think when he calls today, I might just play it like i'm teasing. He usually asks how my weekend was or whatever. I'll be like "well, since SOMEONE didn't call me last night, I had a hot date with a hot boy... naw I'm just playin I just watched a movie with my friend (a girl he knows)".... let me know what u guys think!

[Derek]

I think that's perfect...

 

With a wink and a smile...

 

 

[shorty20]

well, also, the more I think about it, the more I'm feeling it's time to have "the talk." I mean, I've been seeing him for about a month.. we've been on at least 10 dates... and I told him from the beginning that I'm done playing games.. done having meaningless relationships. Do you think it's too soon to sit him down and say look, I'm not dating anyone else. I don't want to be pushy, but I don't want to just keep sitting here blindly and then let it progress and be even more hurt. let me know what u guys think.

[Derek]

One thing at a time, yo!

 

You've been dating (10 times), one month? And now he's giving you mixed signals? I wouldn't have "the talk" yet unless he brings it up.

Give him some breathing time. How about just tell him your side but don't ask anything of him yet. You know, something light like "I am happy with how things are going between us and I'd like to keep on seeing you." Yes, I know you're not completely happy, but you're generally happy right?

 

If after a second month it is the same old crap, then I guess "he's just not that into you" and drop him cold turkey. =)

 

 

[Jadtt]

well, also, the more I think about it, the more I'm feeling it's time to have "the talk." I mean, I've been seeing him for about a month.. we've been on at least 10 dates... and I told him from the beginning that I'm done playing games.. done having meaningless relationships. Do you think it's too soon to sit him down and say look, I'm not dating anyone else. I don't want to be pushy, but I don't want to just keep sitting here blindly and then let it progress and be even more hurt. let me know what u guys think.

 

No way man! This is definitely too soon for "the talk".

 

Just let things evolve naturally, get to know this guy and go slow! The most important thing is that you get to know him and that is it.

 

I always like to let the guy initiate "the talk". I never want to find myself in a position where I am putting any pressure on them that might make them withdrawal. I would say if, after month two, there has been no discussion, I would either casually (in a fun way) bring it up, or take it as a sign he doesn't want anything more.

 

In the meantime, keep yourself detached emotionally (i.e. don't fall TOO hard) and keep a positive mindset. Always remain confident and positive and know that if this doesn't work out, then there is someone out there for you. Every person that walks into our lives does so for a reason, there are no coincidences. People enter our lives so we can learn something from them. Irrespective of how this situation turns out, just remember this, remember that you are learning every day. And, just have fun getting to know him!

[shorty20]

well... i guess you guys are right.... good thing I posted about it here before I went through with it, lol... He's not sending mixed signals at all. He's been nothing but great ever since we started dating. I am almost positive he's not seeing anyone else, and if he is he's very good at hiding it, because he works every night until at least nine...most nights I'll get a call before ten and we'll talk until either we run out of things to talk about or we're tired. I see him at least once a weekend. Thats because we both value our friends, and take time out for them as well.... but I guess I'm getting at is this is why I HATE new relationships.. I try so hard to just sit back and chill, but I CAN"T. I hate the unknown... I can't hold back and stay detached when I like someone... I keep my own life and my own things going for me and I don't let my boyfriends consume my life, but when I fall, I fall hard. Thats just the way I'm built. But I will wait, and just try to be fun, and also try to show him that I really do care about him and want things to progress...