My baby is going to be one and still no sex from husband.

[izzysmom]

It's almost been a year since I gave birth and my husband still has not made love to me. I ask, we tried once after 2 months but it didn't work if you know what I mean. He went to the doctor and told me it's not me it's just watching the birth freaked him out. I feel so alone. I'm thirty and I cannot imagine my life like this. I feel as if I'm pretending, that my marriage is a big illusion.

This is my first post so I hope I don't look like a big idiot.

Does anyone have any feedback??

Advice?

Thanks.

[Meow18]

That must be really hard. Have you tried counseling? Or maybe go to a sex therapist?

[ReadyorNot]

How did watching the birth freak him out?

[Dregnought]

This place is for posting stuff like this. Your not an idiot for posting, rather quite the oppisate. Admitting is the first step to fixng, etting help is the second one. You done both.

 

I have never heard of a case quite like this. IS he religious by any chance?

[izzysmom]

He told me that watching the baby come out had an effect on his ability to have sex with me. I guess it was the whole visual thing. I knew I shouldn't have let him watch, because he wouldn't have sex with me after the ultrasound.

[Dregnought]

Even the smallest of things can screw up something inside a head.

Is it possible that hes not the father?

[izzysmom]

Yes he's the father we've been married over two years and together for 4.

[cichlid]

Go to counseling!

[RandomAdvisor]

I think counseling is a good idea as well. This needs to be workd out ASAP for both your sakes.

[Meow18]

Just out of curiosity, has he always been kind of weird about sex like this? Like has he turned down sex for other reasons that didn't seem to be a big deal, but were to him?

 

As I said before, I really think your best choice is counseling. As a couple, it could really help. Have you asked him to do this yet?

[Shadows Light]

I'm sorry to hear that and MAN I feel for you. Sending you big cyber hugs!!

 

Its not uncommon... it is very common. Your husband saw you as an alluring sexy female before pregnancy. Then, the reality of seeing that part of you that he was so very familiar with and loved sooo very much to play with.. seeing it in all its glory bringing forth a baby and all the other yucky stuff. Ruined it for him. He has it in his head. And he can't get the image out. He no longer see's it as his very own play land and toy... it's very intimidating to him now. And it can do something that he can't.

 

It's in his head. And he's sensitive. Its been over a year??? I'd say you need to get into Sex therapy. Find yourself a good therapist. Or he had better and soon. That picture is going to stay with him. So if he gets it in his head that it may work somewhere else.... its very likely it won't. Go talk to someone soon.

 

And no.. do not be embarrassed.. or feel stupid. The only stupid questions are the ones that go unasked. And this is the best place to get started to get informed. Lots of sites all over the internet on your issue. You are definitely not alone.

[Hope75]

I have heard of this happening as well, when a new father suddenly sees his wife in a whole new light....literally. You have become MOTHER, and not so much his sexy spouse. It can be a bit traumatic to witness a birth and change the sexual image he once had of you.

 

I also wonder if you two have sought counseling, or sex therapy. Have you asked him if he is happy living like this? Does he want to go on indefinitely with no sex?

[shyanne]

your not alone....... sometimes that happens after kids or many years together. i'm only 36, married and together with my husband for 18years with no sex life. unless you consider every few months a sex life. i have no idea what advise to give you as i tried everything and nothing seems to work. so what do we do..... con't pretending that we are happy married women in every way? we're young and at our sexual peak....its been like this for a few years now.......and i hate not being totally happy. life without sex can be unhappy for us even though we are happy in every other way.

[RayKay]

It is actually relatively "common" that a man's perception of his partner changes after childbirth - whether he witnessed it or not. It can either be that the graphics in his head have affected him, or it may be as his image of you as his sexy spouse have changed to "mother of my child". Even after the ultrasound, that latter reality may have hit him, and he feared endangering the child (which it would not unless you were high risk).

 

If it has been a year, I think then it is really necessary that you two seek marital and sexual counselling together, as this is not something that will resolve itself all of a sudden, and the more you let it go, the more resentment and pain is going to build up between you two.

 

 

You are not stupid for asking, and this is an important issue for you two to discuss and deal with - you already see how it is affecting your relationship together, and the longer it goes, the worse it may get.

[LostnIL]

Hello izzysmom,

 

 

My wife just had our child 2 months ago today... I think the issues your husband is having are extremely common among men after birth... I watched my wife give birth and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed... I even cried... but I've since avoided sex... the birth isnt what bothered me.. but the changes to my wife's vagina afterwards is what has caused the problem..

 

 

My only advice would be to keep the lines of communication open, share your feelings and opinioins freely between yourselves...

 

Good Luck!