I snooped, but it could be harmless...

[teach1]

Ok, so I'm dating this guy for about 3 months, we are exclusive, and have just started becoming serious- i.e. acting like boyfriend and girlfriend... He just left for vacation and I have been staying at his place housesitting... I snooped, and found some emails on his computer with a girl whose name I do not know... they were making plans to hang out, possibly on a night that we had plans and we ended up spending the whole night together... so I was very confused, maybe she is just a friend?

 

Just to give you a little more info-- we spend about 4 nights a week together, if not more- last week we were together Thurs., Fri., Sat., Sun., Wed., and last night (which is the night he almost made plans with this girl over email- which is confusing) Things have been awesome with us, We have grown really close and he couldn't tell me anymore that he was going to miss me while he was away (he's on a surfing trip with friends, planned before we met)

 

What should I think???? Just let it go? It's so early in our relationship and don't want him to ever know that I was snooping in his email- I know that is so wrong- but at the same time, is it possible he is cheating???!!!

[RandomAdvisor]

Of course it's possible. Probable? Who knows? The e-mails sound harmless to me. It sounds like you're fairly insecure. The relationship starts to get serious, and you start snooping.

 

You shouldn't snoop on him. If he hasn't given you any other reasons to not trust him, you should trust him.

[RayKay]

Ack! Why were you snooping!

 

I will say that even if you NEVER found anything, snooping just BREEDS distrust, resentment and so forth, all which poison the relationship even when there was no reason not to trust him at all!

 

I don't know what to say, it could of just been a friend and they were meeting to hang out as FRIENDS. It is still early in the relationship so I imagine you don't know ALL his friends yet at this point.

 

If he has told you he is exclusive to you, then I see no reason at this point to distrust it unless the reason you snooped was because of other strange behaviour on his part?

 

I can't tell you if he is or isn't, you know him better than I do at this point so what do his actions say?

[teach1]

I know it was soooo wrong to snoop!!! I am not a bad person, I hope you don't think that-- Yes, I am a little insecure as a result of getting hurt in the past, but I know that his feelings for me are genuine and his actions, esp. the past two weeks, have shown that, So I guess I just have to trust him at this point... I guess I will know if his actions change, right?

 

I will stop snooping, you're right, it is wrong! I mean, I email with two of my ex's, and what would he think if he knew that?

[RayKay]

I will stop snooping, you're right, it is wrong! I mean, I email with two of my ex's, and what would he think if he knew that?

 

 

Um, I would say you should actually somehow let him know you keep in touch with your ex's. It's fine to have ex's as friends in my books in most cases....but hiding it from him, just seems odd....and would maybe be seen as suspicious too....

 

The important thing to remember is that while you have been hurt in the past...this guy is NOT any of those guys whom hurt you, right?

 

Again, I can't say who this girl is, it would seem if he had really wanted to see her though he would of...I don't know. Have you both then agreed you are exclusive? If yes, then I would give this the benefit of the doubt UNLESS there is any reason not to trust him.

[teach1]

Yes, we have agreed to be exclusive- he even casually asked me if I would go to FL with him over thanksgiving to visit his family...

 

And the night that he was suppossedly making plans with this girl was last night, the night before he was leaving for his trip- and we had definite plans because we wouldn't be seeing each other for a week!

 

So, I guess you make a good point, if he wanted to see this girl, he would have--

 

And last night he was the most affectionate and loving he has ever been!!! Telling me how much he's going to miss me, squeezing me extra tight while sleeping...

 

Maybe becuase it is early in the relationship, he is keeping his options open, but is realizing that he really only wants to be with me??! This is why I can't snoop anymore!!!

 

I just have to deal with my own trust issues- but how??? It's so hard sometimes-- When I am single, I am sooooo strong, but when I'm in a relationship, I find myself being so insecure, and my happiness depends on how the relationship is going!! Any advice?

 

btw- thank you

[quackie]

i snooped through my bf's mail once when he was at work. let's just say that was partly the reason we broke up. i will never do anything like that again. it was a invasion of his privacy and i didn't find anything. it was a really stupid thing to do.

[Erin1111]

I feel the same way when I am single I am strong and confident. I am now in a relationship, almost 2 years now. I feel so happy and complete but also so fragile and insecure. If anything happened to "us" I would be destroyed. How do you control that feeling? How do you get past it?

 

I, like you ,snooped on my bf while he was out one night. I too found some chat logs with a girl he works with that looked incriminating. When I found them he had long since broke off any talking with her but it still hurt to see him flirting online with her. I confronted him and he admitted talking to her was wrong but said nothing happened. I don't know what how I feel about what I found. But he says he loves me and wants to be with only me and would never cheat. And I believe him. Not just cause he says it but cause his actions show it.

 

But I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact he kept his conversations with her private. I feel betrayed and don't know how to get past it. I feel like I am letting him off easy by forgiving him. But I truly do believe he won't ever do anything like that again. Should I be giving him a harder time of it?