Not sure what to do

[Random Hero]

I have been thinking about asking someone out, but its not quite that simple cos we are really good friends and whilst I don't want to wreck that I also do want to go out with her. If it weren't for that fact that this is the first time we have both been single in a long time I think I would have done it sooner.

 

I am pretty sure she likes me since we are always playing around together and stuff, but I am not sure what to say to her and I don't want to spoil our friendship.....

 

.....any advice would help....

[heloladies21]

Dude, screw the friendship, go get her. Give it a shot because regret is a tough thing to live with and you really don't see her as just a friend.

[DiscipleOfChange]

Dude, screw the friendship

 

I'm going to have to step in and disagree...at least in a way..

 

I think you should definitely ask her out. Make it casual enough that it isn't too much over the top as a first date for the two of you but at the same time make sure she knows the two of you aren't just going to hang out as friends.

 

My opinion is you should never forsake a friendship. So do try and see if she really is interested too but do it in a way that you can salvage the friendship. A good friendhip is something far too valuable in life to throw away.

[FCTex]

I think if it's a real friendship first, that if nothing comes of it, that it would still be there.. maybe bruised and odd for a little while, but it comes with a price, you tried if it doesn't work out..

 

 

Go for it and make your intentions known. Don't regret it, and even though you are friends, you see it as more, or want more. You shouldnt live like that!!

[Dating Coach]

I have been thinking about asking someone out, but its not quite that simple cos we are really good friends and whilst I don't want to wreck that I also do want to go out with her. If it weren't for that fact that this is the first time we have both been single in a long time I think I would have done it sooner.

 

I am pretty sure she likes me since we are always playing around together and stuff, but I am not sure what to say to her and I don't want to spoil our friendship.....

 

.....any advice would help....

 

I've stated many times why I think such situations are bad, but you want to give it a shot so let me help you.

 

First off, just because you guys play around and stuff does NOT mean she likes you at all. I've talked to a ton of guys who have said that same exact thing and they get rejected when they go for it. I'm telling you this now because if she rejects you I don't want you getting hopes that she will change her mind or that if she plays again at a later date that it means maybe she wants to give it a go. It means nothing.

 

If you want to ask her out and you do not want to ruin the friendship then you can't make a big deal about it. Ask her very casually. If she is into you then she will be fine with this apprach and will date you. If she has no interest then she will either say no or she will give one of a thousand different excuses-all which will end up with you two not dating.

So next time you are hanging out with her (the VERY NEXT TIME-quite delaying!) bring it up something like this, "Becky, we always have a lot of fun together and get along great, so I want to take you out on a real date to see how it works. I think it will be fun! I was thinking about going to ________ on Thursday so what do you have going on that day?" This way you are asking kind of like it is not a big deal, just something that occurred to you. Plus, you are not asking her a yes or no question, you are just asking what her plans are on Thursday, and if she has no plans you can tell her "Great! I'll pick you up at 7:00!"

 

Absolutely do not come on too strong like, "Becky, I care about you so much and I think we should go out. Will be please go out with me? That's just too much and if she says no then you put a big strain on your friendship because you showed her that your feelings are leap years beyond hers and it's not likely something that you will be able to get over.

 

Also, only be friend with her after a rejection if you can truly accept that rejection. If you think that you will still be head over heels for her after the rejection then it is not healthy for you to be around her like that. It will only cause you more pain and make it harder for you to get over it. You will start looking for little things that make you think she changed her mind, but she won't. If her answer is no, then it is no. She knows exactly who you are and if she says no, take that to heart. It may even be a very vague no, but it still is. Anything that she gives you that is not a "yes" is a "no". Remember that.

 

Good luck.

[Random Hero]

She made it easy for me, online she said she wanted to go to the cinema, so I asked if she wanted to go etc etc.

 

I will see how it goes from there...

[Dating Coach]

She made it easy for me, online she said she wanted to go to the cinema, so I asked if she wanted to go etc etc.

 

I will see how it goes from there...

 

Does she know it is a date and not a friends thing?

[Random Hero]

I haven't said anything, but we have never gone out without people anyway. I plan just to leave it how it is then see how it goes on the day and how she acts.

[Dating Coach]

I haven't said anything, but we have never gone out without people anyway. I plan just to leave it how it is then see how it goes on the day and how she acts.

 

That would be a huge mistake. The longer you wait then the more you slide into the friendzone. If she doesn't know it's a date then you should let her know that is what you wanted. Ask her out man. If you like the girl, just do it. You can't sit around and wait for signs or things you might think are signs before mustering the courage. Just do it.

[Relationship Coach]

Random,

 

I concur with Diggity, stop looking for the easy way! If you do not clarify your intentions of this being an actual date beyond a simple friendship, you're spinning your wheels. You cannot ambush her and show up like it is a date and put her in a very awkward position. Step up to the plate and do as Diggity said. Ask her casually and know what to say so you don't ramble on and say the wrong thing. If you don't ask her soon, someone else might!

[Random Hero]

We are friends but we never see each other alone, its alone like with other friends. We talk online alot but thats about it. So I don't intend for it to be a date as such, more just to get to know her in person then see how things go from there.

[FCTex]

Your gonna be her friend then.

 

If you guys cant go out alone, and you only talk online. Talking online is so impersonal, in the sense that you tend to tell much, much more than you would rather in person. You lose the mysterious part, you lose the chase, the real intrest..

 

And if your wanting to go out and see what she's feeling, and you don't make it apparent, then quite frankly, you won't get anything from her. Women want a man that knows what he wants, and makes it apparent. If you just go out with her and "see what she's wanting and see how she acts" then really all your doing is just hanging out with her, and nor, her or you will make any moves, or make it apparent what this "meeting" is all about.

 

You're putting yourself into the friends zone, and your doing it quick!

[Random Hero]

First of all I am already friends with her, and secondly I want to get to know her better before I do anything, cos I have rushed into things like this before only to make big mistakes.

 

In any case if nothing ever happens and we just remain friends then that is fine, I would reather we stayed friends as opposed to rushing something and making things awkward.

 

Also if anything were to happen I would prefer it was in person rather than online, which as you said is impersonal and doesn't let you judge their true feelings.

[Dating Coach]

First of all I am already friends with her, and secondly I want to get to know her better before I do anything, cos I have rushed into things like this before only to make big mistakes.

 

In any case if nothing ever happens and we just remain friends then that is fine, I would reather we stayed friends as opposed to rushing something and making things awkward.

 

Also if anything were to happen I would prefer it was in person rather than online, which as you said is impersonal and doesn't let you judge their true feelings.

 

So nice that you came here asking for advice only to ignore it once we try to help you.

[Random Hero]

Was that post really necessary? I asked for advice because I didn't know what to do, but then just from talking to her more I became more sure, so I know whats happening and I don't need advice anymore.

 

If it really annoys you that much then why do you bother replying to anything on here in the first place.

[Dating Coach]

Was that post really necessary? I asked for advice because I didn't know what to do, but then just from talking to her more I became more sure, so I know whats happening and I don't need advice anymore.

 

If it really annoys you that much then why do you bother replying to anything on here in the first place.

 

What annoys me is when people only hear what they want to hear. You came here asking for advice but when people started giving it all you did was make excuses and/or became argumentitive.

 

Look man, we are trying to help you out, and it is pretty frustrating when someone says, "Help! I need advice on what to do because I am lost and confused!" and then when several people respond with identical advice, the person starts making excuses and/or does what they want anyway. I can't help but wonder why they came here to begin with if they ask for help but then don't want it.

[darkblue]

DD - as with all advice: People take what they want, and abandon the rest.

 

I suggest that you let her know you are interested.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to come out and tell her; but flirt with her - send her signals. Do something to let her know you aren't just a friend.

 

If you do end up 'just a friend', you will torture yourself for not making a move sooner.

 

Good luck on whatever you do.

[Random Hero]

Yes I chose to ignore some of what people said because it was plain stupid, I needed advice, but since then she has said things and stuff has happened that means I am more certain of what is going on, so I don't anymore. Simple really.....

[darkblue]

Thing have happened - in a good way or a bad way?

[Random Hero]

I meant in a good way. Just got back, went to the cinema with her, went well and she did know how I felt, so all is good, guess I will talk to her more tomorrow cos she has gone to bed.

[darkblue]

Good stuff.

Glad to hear it went well.