casuing me pain both emotionally and physically

[lost_status]

JUST GREAT!

](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

 

Im so depressed at the moment, I feel like running away from everything and starting life all over again. If I ever needed help, this is the time I really need it.

My last post link removed was basically about my boyfriend who is an abuser. The guys on the forum have told me to break up with him, but Im scared, I think he is sucidal and I think he might actually change.

 

I told him exactly everything, he hasnt forced me to do anything since our talk, however there was a misunderstanding this morning, but he quickly stoped and apologised.

 

The boy has told me he loves me, cant live without me, always thinks about me, im the thing that keeps him going, he prays for me. When we spoke today he asked me to hold him, and never let him go.

 

Lately he has been upsetting me unintentionally. He said he hasnt slept properly for days beacuse he is scared im going to let go of him because he has been upsetting me heaps lately.

 

I dont know what to do, I dont know if I can trust him, Im so confused. Im scared. He sounds suicidal and attached.

 

I hate my life, He is depressing me. I know Im better off alone but there is something inside me that doesnt want to let go.

I really need help..

 

Thank u

[PavPPZ1]

You need to make some changes, because your emotional state is not good. You and your boyfriend are yet young, but spending all of your time on crying and trying to fix phantom problems. I think the two of you need to take this oppertunity realize that there is no reason for you to be so upset and in all of this pain. One of you needs to get up and walk away, if only to start concentrating on life again.

 

If you can imagine this is the prime of your life, do you want to spend it sulking in your bed and trying to figure out what is making you miserable. It seems that its most likely this relationship, neither of you seem to be happy, yet you are so weak and drained that you cant move on to look for happiness elsewhere. Well sometimes it takes a stronger person, or an awakening to become a stronger person, but steps need to be taken for change to occur.

 

The both of you need to talk, and if you will motivate this to happen, your words need to motivate him to try to pursue life, instead of concentrating on your relationship. I would even suggest, the two of you need a break, time appart so you can get your heads on straight. From there time will show exactly what will happen. My prediction is that you will move on first, this will force him to move on and grow as a person as well. Regardless of the short time in the long run both of you will be happier and better off from this.

 

Good luck, hope this helps

 

=;

[Alabama]

Talking would be your best bet. You don't have to give up on him yet, if he is worse and as a last resort, than yes I would suggest this, but only for your own health. Try to work things out, first, I suggest. See if you can't somehow get him out of his suicidal depression. Good luck.

[PavPPZ1]

He is not suiasidal, he is using that as a vice, and that is even worse!

 

Never allow people to use suacidal as leverage against you, it teaches them a bad lesson, and you suffer.

 

GL

[theantibarbie23]

Im scared, I think he is sucidal and I think he might actually change.

 

Everyone who has had an abuse spouse or boyfriend prays that they will change, the harsh reality is they hardly EVER do. Those that do, put a lot of effort into it.

It doesn't sound like he is trying to do anything to change from what you've posted ie. councilling, ect. He is just manipulating your emotions so that you're feeling too guilty to leave him.

You have to stop worrying about him and start thinking of yourself. This man makes you miserable and doesn't respect you at all. You deserve happiness in your life, why not let go of the very thing that's keeping you from it?

[TAFFY]

Forgive me for jumping into your thread, but I agree with the last poster. I'm speaking from experience here. You have stated that your boyfriend is an abuser. Verbal abuse and mental cruelty are followed by physical violence. I stayed in a relationship for a while with a man who was a saint when we were dating. But, after we moved in together, his halo quickly fell off.

 

Trust me, every abuser, whether male or female, say they are sorry and they will change and they won't do it again. That's a downright lie. Once an abuser, not many change, if any do at all.

 

At the risk of offending you because this is my first post, you need to figure out what YOU want out of the relationship. If he changes, that would be a sweet thing, but they hardly ever change, and the abuse just gets worse and worse. Take care. Sorry if I offended anyone.

[lost_status]

Thank you veryone who replyed to my post. I hope I can make the right choice.

[emptyinside]

change cannot happen overnight.

if it ever happens at all.

 

the thing about change is.

what we see in ourselves as wrong

cannot be wrong, because it is ourselves

 

changing behavior is a matter of examining the environment that creates that behavior

 

since it seems like your dude is suicidal when around you. perhaps he is better off without you.

 

there's worse things than feeling alone when by yourself...

...like feeling alone when you're with your loved one

 

-sc

[MissJones]

Sometimes toxic people are hard to let go because they become habit. Sometimes they're hard to let go because all the misery makes you feel alive.

 

My first thoughts about you saying he's suicidal were "MANIPULATOR!!". He's probably using it as an excuse to get you to stay and continue abusing you. You have no idea how common the suicidal comment is in abusive people. He's manipulating you to stay with threats of self-harm. He knows your weak spot and he's hit it on the head.

 

I spent a few years with an emotionally abusive guy. I tried to leave so many times but felt that I couldn't because (a) he'd become a bad habit; (b) his threats of "I can't live without you" made me feel strangely useful.

 

He CAN live without you. He lived before he met you, he will live after you leave him. His issues should not be your problem. Don't let him turn you into someone with rock-bottom self-esteem and someone who doesn't feel in control. It happened to me and I will never let it happen again. I refuse to ever let a man depress me so much. EVER.

[teacup]

abusers dont change.........i went through 6 years of hell. i am ALL messed up now because of it. my emotional state is totally out of whack. completely. some days i feel like im still living in it, except worse because he's not the one causing it anymore, my own body is on a rollercoaster and i can barely control the anxiety and panic attacks and ocd. im not healthy and i know it.......but i want to be and i dont want to go through this anymore. it's pretty horrid.

 

my mind is a lot better. but let me tell you the havoc and wreck it does on ur emotions and body........