My best friend and I are jealous of each other and I hate it

[sweetheart230]

I know I've posted a lot, but this is really bothering me. My friend of six years, who I've been really close with, seem to be growing apart even though we talk all the time. She's like my sister.

 

I visited her over halloween weekend, and we went to a bar. She told me she wanted to "get with" this really rich, attractive man at the bar who was surrounded by women. She asked me if I'd hook up with him and then invite her to do a three way with us- cause I'd be able to get him cause I looked hot and she didn't think she could. I was definitely not cool with that (I'm trying to refrain from sex in general). He wound up pursuing me all night, and I was attracted to him. My friend got jealous and kept trying to get me to make out with her for some reason.

 

Well, anyway, he wound up kissing me in his car. Apparently, while I was with him my friend called a cab to leave the party. If his friend hadn't tried to sneak up on us and watch us make out, I would never have known she called a cab. I wasn't planning on making out with anyone at all that weekend, but it just sort of happened naturally.

 

When we were talking about it later, she was like "yeah its not like guys pick the hottest girls to hook up with usually", implying he hadn't picked me out of all the women throwing themselves at him because he was attracted to me. And she keeps commenting on how pretty all the other girls are when we are out, which drives me crazy.

 

But now, there's this guy she likes. She keeps obsessing about him, which is fine, but now I feel kind of jealous. I just exited a bad relationship and want to get over that fully before entering another one, but I can't help but feel jealous that she has a guy who she likes, and who (from what she tells me) likes her back. I mean I want her to be happy, but I just feel bad that she might have someone who really digs her. This happened in high school too. She had a boyfriend and I always felt like the third wheel, cause he got mad whenever we did something without him (he made us take him to the mall with us a couple of times). When her bf went to college, she kept discouraging me in dating guys I liked telling me they were losers. I just feel like she keeps finding boyfriends and I just keep getting stuck being "that friend" who is always alone and has to listen to how much she likes her guy.

 

I'm trying so hard to be happy for her. I mean they aren't even dating yet...he just asked if she wanted to hang out with him and his friends sometime. But I feel like history is repeating itself. I don't want to be alone forever. I want to be a good friend to her, but this has all happened before and I don't know if I can do it again.

 

I'm sorry, I know this was long. I just feel awful. I mean she's a good friend, but she is inconsiderate. It's not her fault...her mom waits on her hand and foot and she orders her mom around so she thinks its normal to do it with everyone else. I don't want to feel like this about her. I don't know how to deal with it, though.

[miracle29]

Well first I really am glad that you can be honest here and admit that the two of you (BOTH) have a problem here with jealousy and competition. This is very normal only most women are not woman enough to admit this.

 

The sad part is that even though you know that she will lie about her true opinion of men just to keep you lonely and you will mess with a guy she really likes, neither of you have spoken to eachother about this. She needs to know that you were not born yesterday and that you are not very happy about this at all. If you have been friends like you said for 6yrs, a conversation is truly a huge neccesity. She needs to know the truth. After speaking to her I think she may also come clean about how she really feels. Women talking to women are not like men talking to women. Women can talk for hours and get it all out. Men can't stand this. So its a good thing this friend is a female. She is probably feeling the same amount of strain in the relationship as you. You two need to talk to one another.

 

Then if that doesnt work, then maybe you should come here and seek advice outside the friendship. Try speaking to her first..after 6yrs she deserves it.

[miracle29]

ON another hand. I had to let a "so called " female friend go. She was too shady. I knew her for over two years..almost three and I just couldnt trust her. She turned into this monster almost, always judging me and talking down on me, and telling me that my husband (at that time he was only my boyfriend) was a loser and she didnt like him. Meanwhile she couldnt even keep a boyfriend longer then two weeks. She used to tell me my "butt" wasnt as big as hers. Yet all that big butt she had couldnt keep the men she brought around me from trying to hit on me. I was also told I was too light, when she was light skinned herself. Turns out she was wayyy too jealous and I just did without her. I am much happier now that she is not in my life. I don't have to worry about a "so called" friend sleeping with my husband just because she's jealous that I'm happy. THink about that as well.