Simpley Confused and Broken Hearted

[JCAM22]

Where do I begin....it was 4 years ago when my wife and I got separated....during that span I met and fell in love with a much younger woman...she being 22 me being 35...In the beginning it was the most exciting and fun loving relationship I have ever been in....for the last 3 years she never acted like a 22 year old girl (I actually met her when she was 19) so it was never a problem. She came from a broken family where her father was involved with drugs and her mom died an alcholic....she could not take living at home, so she asked to move in with me....I explained that this wasn't the best thing because I felt that she wasn't ready for that...when 2 people live together you tend to fall into a routine and although I was used to that, being married for 6 years, I knew she wasn't...but I let her anyway because I fell so deeply in love with her.....I gave this girl everything and anything...broadway plays, concerts, 5 star resteraunts, I even as recently as July took her on a weeks vacation to Puerto Rico staying at the best resorts money can buy.....She would tell me she loves me, she's in love with me, and how much she wants to start a family with me.....Hell, she even picked out names of our children. I used to kiss and hug her and then look into her eyes and tell her that I can feel her love that she has for me....I never even felt that with my ex-wife.........About 2 months ago, out of nowhere, she starts going out with friends on weekends...she never did this but I felt that maybe she needed to go out and enjoy herself with friends instead of being with me 24/7. One weekend turned into several and I just started to think.......I gave her a hug and a kiss, I looked at her and told her that I didn't feel the same love anymore....of course she denied it...but I knew what I felt. the next thing I know is that on my birthday she broke up with me, stating that she was lacking the love from me and that I never opened up my heart to her......I'm not stupid, she found someone else....she denies it to this day. It kills me because during the break up many tears were shed between us...I asked her to look me in the eye and tell me if she still loved me...with a tear running down her cheek, she looked at me and says that "I love you and I am in love with you but I can't be with you" I have no idea what this means.....she says her heart says to be with me but her mind says no....does anyone know what the *mod edit* that means.....she still calls me, but I don't pick up...she leaves messages telling me she misses me and loves me....she leaves me text messages telling me the same. I know she is young but I love this girl to death and I miss her to no end....but what do I do...How do I move on....Every day when I wake up, I am reminded of her because of our morning rituals and every nite I dream about her...it's driving me crazy!!! I know she loves me, and I know she is easily persuaded by others and I know there are so many people that were against our relationship. I always felt that you should fight for those you love....but is this worth it. Anyway, a few weeks have passed and I have'nt seen her in a month, she called me today and we spoke, she still tells me that she is in love with me and misses me so much....should I meet up with her???[/b]

[RayKay]

Hi JCAM,

 

 

I am sorry to hear you are going through this, it almost sounds like a classic case of "I need to find myself, I am young and need to discover who I am", especially given her upbringing/family life. The part that sucks is you have to suffer through that.

 

What you want to do depends on YOU at this point and what you want. If you are prepared to deal with what happens if you meet her and it goes nowhere (ie she is just reacting to fact you are ignoring her) and are strong enough for that, then by all means meet with her - just go into it strong as you can be, and do NOT confess your feelings to her, or how much you want her back. She left, it's in her hands right now. She can miss you as much as she wants, but that means NOTHING unless it is backed up with "I am sorry, I made a mistake, how can I earn your trust back and work on this together?".

 

Otherwise, just keep on going with no contact, while it does not feel like it, you are on your way to moving forward and healing.

[Shadows Light]

it almost sounds like a classic case of "I need to find myself, I am young and need to discover who I am", especially given her upbringing/family life.

 

EXACTLY what I was thinking.

 

Is she edcuated? would she like to go back to school and see if maybe she can find something that she'd like doing?

 

Can't tell you what you should do. Depends on how much more time and energy you want to invest.

 

Is Love worth it??? YEAH.. the hopeless romantic in me says.. yes it is worth it.

 

You had a good go of it for a few years, because you opened up a whole new world for her. And she may be hungry for more... she just doesn't know what that MORE is. And maybe its a chance at doing something worth while. IF she's missing the night life.... then, how can you accomidate??? would setting a date to go out say... every two weeks with her suffice. And she goes out with her friends occasionally. What is it she actually wants. I don't see it as NOT doable. Its very doable... it you both compromise.

 

The someone else??? well.. maybe its not exactly someone else but its the attention she gets. Its doin something for her. And she's young so she hasn't learned.. to enjoy the attention as a "compliment" while basking in your attention.

 

If you were still under the same roof.. I"d be suggesting that you change things up a bit. In terms of how you spend your time. Find things to do that are NEW to the both of you... so you are both learning and growing.

 

Bottom line.. you need to figure out.. how much more do you want to invest. Sometimes distance does make the heart grow fonder. And this MAY be the case.

 

ME??? lol. I'd have played it differently if I were her. I wouldn't be texting you, calling you, or emailing. I'd be on your front doorstep in a trench coat and a six pack of beer... saying "lets talk, I messed up" But thats me.

 

You are still very much in love with her. I can tell by your post. Maybe... you can meet and talk to her. And cut to the chase and cut the crap.. and be straight up. XYZ... what do you WANT. TIC -TOC... we can compromise, we can work on it. But I"m not your push/pull toy.

[TheFallenShadow]

I would have to agree in part with Shadow's Light...on most point...very informitive is her post.

[JCAM22]

Well, I called her at work to make sure that when I did call her to meet, it wouldn't be a waste of time....she says that it wouldn't...I told her I will call her about 8:30.....She never answered her phone...I called several times on her cell and her house but she never answered...I left her 2 messages........about 12:30 a.m. she text messaged me saying that she passed out when she got home and felt very sick, she swore that she wasn't out...she was just sick.....what she does not know is that I have her passcode for her cell phone and I can retrieve her messages.....I did that and realized that she did in fact get my messages.....she also ended the text message to me by saying those three words "I LOVE YOU" why does she continue to say this to me......I am done chasing her!!! Although I want to pick up the phone and call..I just can't do this to myself anymore!!! So I GIVE UP!!!